10 Secrets of Happily Single Women

Unknown-2From time to time, I’m asked what it’s like to be single for so long (in other words, all my life).  Despite the release of recent U.S. Census numbers that half of the adult U.S. population is single, it’s still a curious state to some. Being single, to some, is still “not normal”. Being happily single is even “curiouser” to lots of people.  Being single is definitely not a utopia (what is?), but there’s a lot about it that’s really good. Singles  don’t always talk about it, but we live it and we just know it.  Here’s a few examples:


  • We tire of having to describe ourselves as happily single. It can seem silly and forced. Yet, if we don’t, too often others wrongly assume the opposite.


  • We wish there was a really good “Rent-a-Guy” service, because sometimes we really images-3need one: an escort to yet another wedding or black-tie event, somebody to pick up the dead bug in the den, to hug after a hard day, to move heavy boxes, for a little nooky.  The way a Rent-a-Guy would work is “stay awhile…then please go home.”


  • We don’t mind being single nearly as much as other well-intentioned (and some not so well-intentioned) people mind for us.


  • We do a lot of things around the house in the nude — cook, clean house, watch tv–just because we can.


  • We know ourselves.  Being single means you spend a lot of time with yourself and, hopefully, have learned what makes you tick.  We’re pretty comfortable in our own skin. Being happily single means we’ve settled in and built a pretty nice life for ourselves…because we’re not expecting anyone to do it for us.


  • Our time and money are our own and we can spend it however we like.  We love Unknown-3having the option to indulge in whatever suits us: travel, adventure, voluntarism, hobbies and pastimes that take as much time as we want to give, sleeping in, staying out, changing jobs on a whim, moving abroad…whatever we think of.  Sometimes we take this freedom for granted because we forget that everyone doesn’t have it like this!


  • We know that it’s not only fine to treat ourselves well, it’s a must.  And there’s no guilt.


  • Friends are not a second thought.  We know that having good friends and being a good friend make all the difference.


  • Our homes are just the way we want them.  We have to remember not to cringe when visitors move our stuff, eat the last helping of pasta we were saving for tomorrow’s lunch, or talk and talk and talk.  We’ve become used to quiet and we like it.


  • We love having the option to say “it’s time for you to go home” and “yes, I’d like you to stay.”  It’s totally up to us and it feels nice.


Being happily single, really, is about being comfortable with oneself, having healthy relationships, and knowing how to enjoy silence…so, the real secret to being happily single is that it’s the same as being happy, period.


So, all you Spinsterlicious ladies, what can you add to the list?





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27 Responses to 10 Secrets of Happily Single Women

  1. Ashley says:

    I’m 33 years old and it baffles, confuses, and enrages other people that I am happy being alone. I realize that I am more desensitized to men than a whole lot of women so I seem weird to most people. I find it very sad and pathetic that people use “I bet you’re single,” as an insult when engaged in conversations that aren’t male centered. You’re accused of being sad and lonely even when you’re not or even a lesbian because you’re single, sheesh. To me that says a whole lot more about society than it does me. Men don’t get the same judgement when they’re single. Everyone figures he just hasn’t found the right woman or that women are crazy and he just decides to be alone yet we don’t receive the same benefit. I stopped playing by everyone else’s rules a few years ago and I have never been happier. I have 2 children from previous relationships so it’s perceived that I’m broken and bitter from those which couldn’t be further from the truth. Whenever I think of a relationship I get exhausted and that only happens maybe once a year when weddings are going on but I don’t envy married women at all. I do enjoy a good wedding though but I digress. I’m glad to have come across this article and thinking of writing my own. There has got to be more happy single women out here.

  2. Elana Tyson says:

    I am now 55 years old, and have been single and lived as such all of my adult life (except for one regrettable five-year period when I allowed a loser boyfriend to live with me and complicate my life.) I have made various attempts at relationships off and on since then, but there was never a ‘Mr. Right’ seeking a woman with my particular qualifications – non-needy and unwilling to take any crap from any of them. I would never again subject myself to the sponsoring the lifestyle of any man, and would advise against Iiving with anyone without benefit of clergy. Yes, I know it sounds old-fashioned, but men truly don’t seem to have an appreciation for the milk from the cow they don’t have to buy. I am sincerely not at all sorry that marriage never came to fruition (or even came up for that matter), and at this point in time I am completely fine with taking care of myself and my own needs. It makes me feel accomplished being able to do just that. Sometimes it seems tough, but it’s all okay when you finally get home at the end of the day, close the door behind you, and leave everything else on the other side of it away from you. Truly nirvana!

    • Ashley says:

      I hear ya sista. I enjoy being single very much. Between work and my kids anyone else would be too much work. It’s work that I just don’t want to do and don’t have to do.

  3. jacqui says:

    I have come to really appreciate the single life, I have been married once for ten years and I liken that marriage to the title of a film, you may have heard of it, escape from Alcatraz. My second relationship was for seven years and I liken that one to the Titanic, happy sailing at the beginning until it crashed into an Iceburg.
    The good thing about those two experiences is that I have 3 beautiful children who are grown up now and leading productive lives.
    I am now 50 years young and doing all the things I’ve always wanted to do like travel, do drama and Performance, Sing Jazz, things I could not do when I was partnered up as he wanted me at home to do house work or see that he had all his creature comforts,
    when I look back on that marriage he was very possessive, had to know where you were at all times. that’s why I called it escape from Alkatraz it was not easy but I got out.
    I have been on dates ,and I have been on line dating sites which I have found to be a nightmare of scammers and players. I am sure there must be some good ones on there but I was not staying around to find out, may I should have stayed on longer than 3 days but I prefer to see live breathing people not just a picture which could be taken years ago when they were young.
    I go to meetups groups with activities that Interest me, and some times I am the only female there and it’s all good as I get to have a good flirt and be playful and go home to peace and quiet. If I am asked to go on a date I will go if I like the person as it will be for a quick drink and I end the date first. no going back to theirs or them comming to mine. and that’s what I love about being single you can take a break from dating any time. And some times I just don’t want to hear another man say to me on a date that he is looking for a serious relationship, the miniute I hear that I yarn and say I have a busy day tomorrow and have to go. I will not let any one put pressure on me to look for a man to be in a relationship. for me to leave the city of single heaven that man will have to be Herculeze sent down from the gods.(joking) or something along those lines.
    Until such times I shall enjoy my single life and all the fabulous freedom that it brings.
    I raise my glass to all the single ladies everywhere. cheers to the single life. Live long,and if you can’t be good be naughty. 🙂

  4. Tricia says:

    To be honest, I’m just happy that I’m not being used and abused. That has been all my past 3 relationships. Started from the furthest, he was not in league and he knew it. I didn’t care about those things, but he thought he needed to break me. No lie, he said exactly that after a particularly bad fight. He would constantly belittle me and treat me like crap unless we were in public. Typical abuser behavior. After him both guys were exactly the same. My father was abusive to my mother for my adolescent years ( and to me for preteen and earl teen years), so it was familiar to me. I don’t find pleasure in the abusive relationships but I didn’t know what to look for. So I gravitated to what was typical. After the most recent relationship ended ( I called things off), I found power. I finally walked away. Something just clicked and I realized that I deserved better. I also realized that in addition to crappy boyfriends I had crappy some friends! I’m currently decluttering my life and relocating. I’m excited for a fresh start with a new state of mind. I promised myself to remain single until I feel confident that I know myself more. Honestly, I’m the very happiest that I’ve ever been.

  5. Rose says:

    I am just recently learning how to embrace being single without it carrying negative feelings. I have been divorced twice and both times picked men who were definitely not good for me so that tells me its time to figure out how to embrace being single and do it really well..!!!!…I’m actually really excited because I believe there is awesomeness in being single. It’s a great opportunity for self awareness, self love and just living my life authentically. I’m more than excited about that. I’ve been single for 8 months and it took me just until recently to realize that I’m going to claim single hood as a gift and opportunity. Instead of thinking I’m lonely and sad I’m going to tell myself “I am happy and free”. YAY!!…what more can one ask. I watched my gf and her bf last night and I can see how controlling he is and in some patronizing way puts her down but makes it out that he is being funny. I did not like that but realized even more how lucky I am to be single and free from all those things. I’m so happy to finally be coming to a place of peacefulness with my life. All the best to all the single people out there and do yourself a favor and embrace this part of your life. It is wonderful! Just think, I’ve been in bed all day reading, relaxing, walking around in underwear all day and just pampering myself. I would never be able to do this if I was partnered up. I’m sure he would be upset with this…lol….

  6. Rachael L says:

    I’m proud that I’m OK with being single…indefinitely. It took me a long time to get over the shame of not living up to society and family idealogies, but at 41 I’m pretty content. I’m free as a bird, relatively solvent, cheerful and have a great rabbit 😉

  7. Melinda says:

    I would have to emphasize that in both of my marriages (at 34 I have been divorced twice, and I think this is a huge sign that I should remain single!), while both ex husbands were very egalitarian, in both instances we reverted to more traditional gender roles. I was doing all the cooking and cleaning, while working full time (child-free by choice). They were surfing the net and in the case of my second ex, even checking out other women’s Facebook pages “because I like to spy”. If it had been me checking out other people’s Facebook pages because “I like to spy”, it would have been World War 3. It’s just those gender roles again. Being on my own is a huge liberation! I’m responsible for everything.

    I would love to rent a guy though! What a great idea! I have many happily single male friends who are available for any activity involving a male, however sometimes it’s awkward to ask for their assistance (and there would inevitably be weirdness if we were to have sex, so the booty part is out, alas). Renting a guy would change that of course. 🙂

  8. Ann says:

    Ahhhh!!! For the first time in my life I am loving being single.
    1) I am in touch with myself spiritually and can spend time praying/meditating/reading instead of t-a-l-k-i-n-g-o-n-t-h-e-p-h-o-n-e.
    2) No one is keeping tabs on my every move – wow, that makes me crazy.
    3) I love to flirt and I make a game of it. I don’t want the flirting to go anywhere because that special-sparky-moment is all two people need to make both smile for the rest of the day. I enjoy the flirt for the specialness of the moment.
    4) I love going to the movies alone. There is no more fabulous date I can give myself. I also make a point to look smokin’ hot when I go to the movies solo … it usually leads to a #3 event,
    5) No familial or “his friends” expectations. I don’t have to hide that I don’t like his freinds or that his sister is rude to me.
    6) Being here for my other single girlfriends; stick together ladies! We can make an amazing, positive change in the world by simply supporting and loving each other JUST AS WE ARE … GORGEOUS!!!
    7) Bottom-line (and hardest to hear, guys), but I get bored quickly with the bedroom routine because … sorry … *it just ain’t all that*. I can do it so much better myself (every time).

    Thank you so much for this post.

    Rockin’ Being Single!!!
    ~ Road King Girl

  9. Lauren says:

    I love being single because I can go out with friends without a guy complaining or asking questions. I can also flirt with guys without taking someone else’s feelings into consideration.

  10. Pingback: Eleanore Wells on 10 Secrets of Happily Single Women | Single & Happy

  11. Chris says:

    I think that there are pros and cons to everything of course, but I definitely think there’s a lot of pros to being single. I was giving my boss a ride home this week, when it was very cold. She said “my husband is going to be stingy with the heat.” Yikes, that’s not something I had thought of before. I can control my own heat/A/C!! I also like that I don’t have to worry about cooking for someone else. I make simple meals and can choose to eat a bowl of cereal for dinner if I want. I’m sure for the right person it would be worth giving all that up. But, I am so used to be single now that it would definitely be a huge adjustment for me, so he would really have to be something!

  12. Rhona says:

    More! Oh, the possibilities. Going home to a quiet house and no demands. Watching what we want when we want on tv or at the movies. Cooking or not cooking. Buying groceries for one (so much cheaper). Spending hours in a bookstore in the mall because we can. Taking long leisurely showers with noone waiting to use the bathroom. Eating the first and last cookie. Going home when we want to. Sitting on the couch and reading a book all day long if want to. Or having a marathon movie day with no interruptions. Doing laundry for one. The list is seemingly endless and wonderful.

  13. Noca says:

    I agree, people don’t get that you can be happy and be single. I also think that it’s a situation of being jealous. They (the person in the relationship) bowed to family and society pressure and did what was expected of them, and dang it, you should too. I think they see someone having the fun they were too scared to court and they want that action to end

    • T says:

      I think sometimes people perceive it as a threat to their lifestyle. People should make the decisions that are best for them, single or married, and respect each other choice. But that is too much like right…

  14. Pam says:

    I would love rent a man if it were legal. I also love having my house exactly how I want it. If it is messy, it is my mess, not someone else’s. There are so many pros and cons of being single, mostly pros. People really don’t think that a girl can be happily single. It’s because they can’t imagine being single and happy.

  15. Debbie says:

    I would so rent a guy!!!! That movie, The Wedding Date, comes to mind 🙂

    I never have to explain my guilty pleasures, I can always find my remote (or anything else) because it’s right where I left it, I can hit the snooze as many times as I want since no one’s there to complain about it, I don’t have to shave my legs if I don’t want to (unless I’m going to show them in public), I don’t have to come up with new meal ideas…I am perfectly happy with a baked potato or cereal for dinner, I can come and go as I please without anyone insisting on always knowing what/who/where/why/when…I think that’s enough for now.

    Great subject Eleanore!!

    Also, I had read this a few months ago http://earlswynn.hubpages.com/hub/101-reasons-to-stay-single

  16. SuzyKnew says:

    Being a single lady is increasingly accepted these days. I went to Inauguration balls with my mother and saw lots of other single ladies without gentlemen escorts or with other women escorts – like their moms!

  17. Judy from Las Vegas says:

    It’s knowing that I am the only one responsible for my happiness (or sometimes unhappiness). There isn’t anyone to blame for how my life turned out; and so far, I’m rather proud of myself…not too bad for a girl!

  18. Dee says:

    I love posts like this. It gives me a check list for my type A personality! 😉 I agree with all of these…it all boils down to freedom.

  19. Carolyn B says:

    E, great post and have enjoyed the comments too.

  20. Nissa says:

    oops – apologize to, not for.

  21. Nissa says:

    I’d add: not having to apologize for someone when the dog barfs on the rug; the freedom to want whatever I want (and not feel compromised by someone else’s desires); the pride of knowing that everything I have, I created and acquired by myself; the knowledge that everything in my life (for the first time ever) is truly a reflection of me (good and bad!).

    And I would totally rent a guy. I think it should be on Angie’s List (like Craigslist for handyman type services). I have pictures that have been sitting on my floor for 3 years.

    • CLV says:

      “the pride of knowing that everything I have, I created and acquired by myself”
      I love that one. 🙂

    • Habibi L'amour says:

      Here is another for me…I can learn to do traditionally “male” things without anyone feeling butthurt/emasculated about it!
      Basically it’s the autonomy….the only person I have heard of who says she didnt get any more freedom when she lived on her own was someone who clearly doesn’t know how to manage her money and time (if you want something you can’t afford right now, it’s called lay by, and if you complain about housework, talk to my friend’s mother who could do all the housework for a family of 5 before the morning was over).

  22. Kaye Dacus says:

    –We can spend all day on the weekends in our PJs with no makeup on and our hair unwashed if we want to.

    –We watch sports only when WE want to and only if it’s a team/sport WE like! And we can make as many comments about “tight ends” and what we think of certain teams’ uniforms/colors as we want to with no rolled eyes or remonstrances.

    –Sharing eye-candy images with friends on Pinterest and Facebook. 😉

    –Not feeling guilty about eating ice cream or cereal for dinner. On the flip side, not feeling guilty about ordering lobster or filet mignon when out for dinner—because I know I’m paying for it myself.

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