Angie’s “Ambivalently Spinsterlicious” Shoe-of-the-Week

What does Angie Hancock –marketing executive, entrepreneur, babe-about-town, and good friend– think of Spinsterlicious-ness?  Not much.  It’s not for her. 
 In her own words:
Is it ok not to be “Spinsterlicious”? 
I have a cool life.  I have wonderful family and friends who care about me (check).   I have a job (check), and my own business (www.ExperienceHarlem.com).   I’m healthy (check).  I’ve traveled the world and I get to do some pretty cool stuff (check).  I am incredibly grateful for all of these blessings in my life.   I say “thank you” each morning when I wake, each evening when I go to bed and I pray for the people I see every day who are struggling. 
I am single.  I would rather not be.  I think being Spinsterliscious is fabulous, but can’t it also be ok to want a family?  I just turned 40.  Yikes!  Spanx, hair color and a whole category of anti-aging creams I haven’t wrapped my head around yet have entered my life.  During my 20’s I always had a man and was even engaged once.  Dodged a bullet there.  During my 30’s I moved to NYC, changed careers and launched a company.  Now I find myself back in corporate life.  I was so burned out from my entrepreneurial stint that it took six months to even realize that I had bottomed out.  Add to that I’ve only had one serious relationship in the last 10 years, and that ended in soul-wrenching heartbreak.  I was in a dark place for a long time.  I do not date very much.  It’s not because I do not want to.  I simply do not meet very many men that I connect with.  I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City when she said, “I’ve been dating for 20 years, I’m exhausted, where is he!”. 
I hate that phrase ‘the clock is ticking’ but the reality is that I do not have forever to have a child and at my age it will be a high risk pregnancy.  I recall as a little kid there were always a couple of kids in class whose parents were older and the other kids would joke, “is that your grandma?”  If I’m lucky, I will be the old parent at school.  I will also fess up that I am scared.  I know strong, independent black women are not supposed to admit that right?  Honestly, I’ve never particularly cared for the title, it just is.   And yes, I realize I can do it alone, adopt, leverage technology, a child needs just one good parent, blah, blah, blah.  Again, I want a family.  To me that means a partner who wants to build a life together that includes children.  I am a product of a single parent household (that explains a lot, right) and while I survived it, it was hard and I do not recommend it.  
A couple of summers ago I was headed to a party with a girlfriend.  It was around 10pm when we left and while that was the ideal time to leave for a party in my ‘20’s, this tired entrepreneur now valued my sleep more.  I had wanted a family for quite some time; that evening was the first time I felt that I would rather be watching my daughter take her first steps than looking for some party.  
I’ve been to my share of fun parties and now I’m truly over it.  I’m ready for something more.  I dated a man with children once and some of my fondest memories were of the time I spent with his kids and his oldest son thanked me for making his favorite dinner.  It brought a tear to my eye when the toddler patted me on the back and told me he loved me.  I enjoyed going to the store buying their Cheerios and apple juice.  I felt like I was taking care of my family.
For the last few years I’ve been asking myself what’s wrong with me.  Certainly the common denominator in all of my failed relationships is me.   I try to be very self aware and recognize I have my opportunity areas and I’m always trying to be better, stronger, pinker, etc. but I think I’m still a pretty cool chick.  A number of my male friends have told me so for years, so I’m going to believe them.  
So, what does all this have to do with shoes?
The story behind these shoes is that a friend told me my problem is that I give off a business and/or golf vibe (um, I thought boys dig girls who play golf) and that I need to “turn up my sexy.”  Ha!   I thought that was pretty hilarious but not to contradict my earlier point, perhaps I could do more to be a little “pinker”.  Also, given the weight of the last few years, I haven’t felt particularly sexy in a long time so my confidence and energy could use a little work.  
My friends decided to make “turning up my sexy” the theme of my 40th birthday party.  In addition to these shoes, I received some other “turning up my sexy” goodies including pasties, handcuffs and some fabulous lingerie.  I’m going to –as my grandmother told me her mother told her “put your lipstick on even if you’re going to the trash can”  — put on my high heels and just be ‘liscious until I find someone to use my birthday goodies on.
So, Angie’s ready to retire her Spinsterlicious membership, and her new shoes just might help!  What do y’all think?
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8 Responses to Angie’s “Ambivalently Spinsterlicious” Shoe-of-the-Week

  1. eleanore says:

    Of course there's nothing wrong with wanting a family; most people do…and thank goodness. We do need to replenish the supply. And a husband and kids are absolutely wonderful if that's what you really want. But if you don't have that, I think you need to love what you do have. For me,that's what being Spinsterlicious is about. I don't think loving the life you have is mutually exclusive from planning for something new, too

  2. Benilde says:

    Love your honesty Angie–I believe you're on your way to finding him. I think we first have to admit what we really want and be willing to do the hard work of looking honestly at one's self.
    Also LOVE the shoes!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Love and appreciate your thoughts! Thanks – Dana

  4. Anonymous says:

    For those who feel there is no hope after 40, never give up. My cousin was married for the first time at 44. She wasn't looking for it, it was time and she was finally ready. In the meantime, enjoy your spinsterlicious life!

  5. Boose says:

    Angie… Dont worry. It will come. Sometimes we cant see the forest for the trees… so I say grab your hiking boots, climb the the top of the mountain,stand over the forest and look around… you'll be amazed @the view!!!

  6. Anonymous says:

    “Spinsterliciousness” now there's a concept. I am currently strolling the romantic streets of Brussels Belgium and Paris France with my oldest friend and my big sister (LMAO)I realize I may be there.(UGH) Sometimes the truth hurts but it may also set you free. So ladies spread those spinster wings, fly high,take your road dogs with you, enjoy the ride and always wear “killer” shoes!!!!

  7. aunt danny says:

    Agnie's perspective is a nice addition to Spinsterlicious blog. Keeps it interesting to read “the other side”. I feel there is no hope after 50 and not much after 40If you don't meet The One during the 20-30's it is just hard. At 60I have given up. Life is hard and not fair. Both Eleanore,Angie and I seem to have what it takes but no takers. I don't know the answer.

  8. Linda says:

    Oh I agree – but you can be both – ? I'd love to be in a relationship, but still make the most of what I do have and enjoy the “now”

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