Asha’s Getting Married!

My friend, Asha, got engaged over the New Year’s holiday and I’m pretty excited about it.  Not excited in a “Oooh, she got a man and now’s gonna have a big ole wedding” kinda of way, but more in a “this is great…a well thought-out, grown-up decision” kind of way.   She might still have a big ole wedding, but not a frivolous one because she’s not the frivolous type.   Two weeks after the engagement, she walked past Kleinfeld’s bridal shop, saw a dress she loved in the window and bought it!  Just like that.  That’s the dress she’s getting married in.  I love that.

I also love that Asha’s not a kid.  It’s been my experience that my friends who married later in life married really well because  it seems each got the man she was supposed to have…not some fantasy she made up in her head.  These later-in-life marriages seem to be truly the “ ‘til death do us part” type, whereas many weddings I’ve attended for those who are younger seem like more of the “let’s cross our fingers” type.

Generally, I think of weddings as mostly boring.  It’s kind of like watching the same play over and over and over, just with different actors.  I go to weddings because I care about at least one of the people getting married, but I’m usually also trying to figure out a way to spend the least amount of time there as is appropriate. 

But it’s a little different when my middle-aged friends get married:  the wedding is still a bit boring, but I’m happier for them.  They had all managed to build pretty nice lives for themselves while single, so they weren’t getting married because they needed help getting set on life’s path.  Their new spouses were chosen for all the ways they could enhance their lives, not because they were needed to help construct the life. 

And that’s true for Asha.  She’s got a nice life now and I imagine it’ll only get better.  There is one little problem though.  When my friends get married, it makes more work for me.  It is good for me to have a multitude of people I enjoy and who I can call on to socialize with in any number of ways, and I’ll soon by minus one.  Once she has a husband, she probably won’t have the time nor inclination to come out and play with me in the same way as often as I would like.  If I call her up and say “meet me in an hour for a drink”, the answer is likely to be some version of “no”.  Even worse, I think she may even have the audacity to move to another city with this new husband.  So I’ll have to plan our outings with a little more forethought.

Oh, well.  Many thanks to my single friends for remaining in the Sisterhood with me! (You know who you are). I need someone to come out and play with me. 

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This entry was posted in Asha, beauty, friendship, getting married, Kleinfeld's, Maui, sisterhood, spinster, spinsterlicious, weddings, women. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Asha’s Getting Married!

  1. Molly says:

    When people first get married, it's natural for them to go into the new little cave, decorate it, and let it morph into their home as they bond and share the joy of being newly married.
    But after about a year,IMO neither should abandon their friends and go out only as a couple. As a married woman I still enjoy going out with my girlfriends, even taking “girls only” trips to France, Hong Kong and South America. I think it makes me a more interesting person within my marriage and my husband enjoys hearing my stories.
    Congrats to your friend Asha, but I'll go out with ya' anytime!

  2. Trish says:

    Nothing wrong with getting married, but engaged is not married. Enjoy your time with your girlfriend, hopefully the time you all spend together after they tie the knot will still be great for you both!

  3. Cham says:

    Asha might want to think long and hard about the American culturally accepted practice of attaching oneself like a barnacle to their spouse. What will be the total emotional cost of losing one's independence and friendships? What hobbies, passions and interests will fall by the wayside in the of cleaving to her husband? How will this insistence of full-time marital togetherness affect her husband's hobbies, passions and interests? How does a massive decrease in a person's social network due to matrimony increase the potential for depression, stress and divorce? Does Asha really need to dump Eleanor like yesterday's trash just because she is taking 5 minutes to say some vows?

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