Yesterday, it occurred to me that this whole “being single works for me” stance may be a little overrated. Most of the time I got no complaints. Yesterday, I had a complaint. You see, if I was living with my (imaginary) husband, my day would have gone differently. This is what would have happened if I was married:
Me: Honey, there are ceiling lightbulbs that are burned out in every room. They need to be replaced.
Imaginary Hubby: Yes, Dear. I’ll get on it right away.
-10 minutes later-
Imaginary Hubby: Babe, all done!
Me: Thanks, Sweetie. You’re the best!
Instead, this is what happened, in real life.
Me (on the telephone to handyman): Hi, Charlie. It’s Eleanore. I’m wondering if you can come over to change some lightbulbs in my ceiling?
Me: Great. Can you come tomorrow?
Charlie: Can’t do it tomorrow.
Me: Wednesday ?
Charlie: No, can’t do it Thursday, either.
Me (sighing): So when can you do it?
Charlie: I can do it a week from today.
Me: Great. What time can you come?
Charlie: I can’t give you a specific time. I’ll swing by at some point.
Me: Great, Charlie. Thanks.
It really wasn’t “great”, but what was I going to say? I needed his help. I was simultaneously grateful that he could do it AND annoyed that he wouldn’t give me a specific time…which meant I had to stay home alllllllll day…waiting for him to come change some lightbulbs.
While I waited, I wondered how much this would cost me. I also kept thinking of things I wanted to do that required me to leave the house (go to the fruit stand, get a pedicure, race walk for exercise), but I was housebound. I could go nowhere because, of course, if I left the house, he would have shown up 5 minutes later. So I stayed in. Just sitting there. All day. He showed up at 5:15 pm.
So, now I’m thinking, I need a better plan. Short of getting married so I’ll have someone to change the lightbulbs when I want them changed, what’s a girl to do? (Sure I could buy a ladder, but I have cathedral ceilings. I’m not climbing up there).
So, dear readers. When’s the last time you wished you had a husband…even if only for a little while?