Calling Rent-a-Husband

Yesterday, it occurred to me that this whole “being single works for me” stance may be a little overrated.  Most of the time I got no complaints. Yesterday, I had a complaint.  You see, if I was living with my (imaginary) husband, my day would have gone differently.   This is what would have happened if I was married:

Me:  Honey, there are ceiling lightbulbs that are burned out in every room. They need to be replaced.

Imaginary Hubby:  Yes, Dear. I’ll get on it right away.

-10 minutes later-

Imaginary Hubby:  Babe, all done!

Me: Thanks, Sweetie. You’re the best!

Instead, this is what happened, in real life.

Me (on the telephone to handyman):  Hi, Charlie. It’s Eleanore. I’m wondering if you can come over to change some lightbulbs in my ceiling?

Charlie: Sure

Me: Great. Can you come tomorrow?

Charlie: Can’t do it tomorrow.

Me: Wednesday ?

Charlie: No.

Me: Thursday?

Charlie:  No, can’t do it Thursday,  either.

Me (sighing):  So when can you do it?

Charlie: I can do it a week from today.

Me: Great. What time can you come?

Charlie: I can’t give you a specific time. I’ll swing by at some point. 

Me:  Great, Charlie. Thanks.

It really wasn’t “great”, but what was I going to say?  I needed his help.  I was simultaneously grateful that he could do it AND annoyed that he wouldn’t give me a specific time…which meant I had to stay home alllllllll day…waiting for him to come change some lightbulbs.

While I waited, I wondered how much this would cost me.  I also kept thinking of things I wanted to do that required me to leave the house (go to the fruit stand, get a pedicure, race walk for exercise), but I was housebound. I could go nowhere because, of course, if I left the house, he would have shown up 5 minutes later.  So I stayed in. Just sitting there. All day. He showed up at 5:15 pm.

So, now I’m thinking, I need a better plan. Short of getting married so I’ll have someone to change the lightbulbs when I want them changed, what’s a girl to do?  (Sure I could buy a ladder, but I have cathedral ceilings. I’m not climbing up there).

So, dear readers. When’s the last time you wished you had a husband…even if only for a little while?

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15 Responses to Calling Rent-a-Husband

  1. Anonymous says:

    Just bought a new treadmill…that needs assembly. I just dont want to do it! Calling my best friend & her hubby to see if he will do it…he will!! But I do hate asking…there are always little things that I just wish “he” would take care of.

  2. Stella says:

    BTW- in Oz there is a company called Hire-A-Hubby for such handyman tasks!

  3. Stella says:

    Ah, this is the problem with downlights. . .not lack of husband. Why don't you suck it up and change the light fittings? Get some that that hang down low so you can change them easily?
    I remember from when I did have a hubby that it wouldn't necessarily happen in TEN minutes time anyway. Sometimes you'd have to threaten to call a handyman before they'd get around to doing it.
    The last time I really needed one though was 2 years ago when there was freakish storm. I came home to find 4 windows broken, the power out, glass and water all over the house, and a very wet, scared dog who kept following me around the house, through the glass etc.
    I rang Dad. 🙂

  4. Anonymous says:

    Been there done that. With saying that has made me more independent. By there the way there is a tool from home depot you can by depending on the bulb that expands and unscrews the bulb and re- screws it.its on a stick like a broom with a claw the grabs the bulb and it does work.
    The problem with friends like this is you are at the bottom of the list unless you are involved or they have difficulty going home afterwards. I had a friend who took 3 times amount of time to do something where as if I had just paid to have it done i would have saved myself a lot of drama. I also of have a relative who's hubby can fix or build anything but doing things at home is non existent.So if done it can take 6 or more months to get done.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I love being single but for moments like that. For me though I think it's not that there isn't someone to do one specific thing it's that there isn't anyone to do any of those things ever. I love and hate having to do it all! Love that I can and don't need to depend on someone else (even if they are in the next room.. lol) but hate that even when I'm having a bad day, no one is there to pick up the slack.. but still love being single!!

  6. Jane says:

    I was going through some sort of home repair difficulty when I complained to a married friend, “This is the one big problem with being single. There’s no one to help you with these things.” She said “You know what’s even worse? When there’s someone sitting in the next room who could help you, he just won’t.” Can't argue with that.

  7. Anonymous says:

    PK is absolutely correct. I did have a live-in for 4 yrs, and most of the time still ended up doing things myself. I would've asked, a week later they STILL wouldn't have been changed…unless, of course, the lack of light was an inconvenience to HIM somehow. Had an issue with the drive belt on the mower slipping, asked the next 3 times I mowed for him to pllleeeaaase fix it. Didn't actually get fixed until he tried to mow with it in this condition. Most of the time that “hubby” fantasy is just that….

  8. eleanore says:

    Hey, Janine: I have cathedral ceilings. The ladder he's on is 12 feet tall! I'm not climbing up on that thing. I will change the lightbulb in a normal ceiling. I'm not that much of a wimp! 🙂 (Although I would prefer not to do much of anything)

  9. Janine says:

    Oh Eleanor… you disappoint me. LIGHTBULBS? Of all the household chores… All the single ladies, I have one word: YouTube. It's filled with virtual boyfriends who do stuff.

    When I busted my roller-blind recently, I got straight onto YouTube, where a pretty decent-looking bloke dressed in all his handyman glory showed me a step-by-step of how to fix it, and fix it I did. He didn't whinge, didn't make condescending remarks, he was patient (ie, I put him on pause when I had to), and looked good while he was doing the job.

    There are times when you do need a rent-boy, or whatever we're calling them. Case in point, I have to move some huge items from storage unit A to B tomorrow. I found a bloke who'll do it for a small fee, called him today, and instead of waiting around for him, I'm leaving a key. Too easy. I didn't want to stretch any more friendships by asking them to help, so I hire someone.

    MOST things, however, we can all do ourselves, with a little help from the internet. I wait for no man.

  10. Pam Knight says:

    Get a step ladder and do it yourself. I am a country girl and I learned (from being married and divorced TWICE) if i wanted something done it was easier to do it myself. I can change a light bulb, not only change but FIX a flat tire, and about anything between. Ladies stop being whinnies and learn to do things yourself.
    I am in a relationship now but I do not wait for him to fix things or change light bulbs. If he does wonderful but I see it first, what is wrong with me correcting the problem?

  11. Pam Knight says:

    Get a step ladder and do it yourself. I am a country girl and I learned (from being married and divorced TWICE) if i wanted something done it was easier to do it myself. I can change a light bulb, not only change but FIX a flat tire, and about anything between. Ladies stop being whinnies and learn to do things yourself.
    I am in a relationship now but I do not wait for him to fix things or change light bulbs. If he does wonderful but I see it first, what is wrong with me correcting the problem?

  12. Robin says:

    And did “rent a husband” Charlie, charge you per lightbulb or as a set adventure. and whiles hes there have him take out the trash too. Too Funny – Girl! just get a step ladder and put in some bulbs. hahahahahaah – righty tighty, lefty loosy

  13. I could totally insert myself in this scenario. Thank goodness I have a tall cousin who lives about 15 minutes away by car but could be easily be 15 miles when I really need him to do anything. One of the things that attracted me to my little abode were the ceilings, but they are an absolute nightmare when you are 5 feet tall. Yes, even with a small step ladder, I still can't reach. The only bulb I can change is the bulb above my bed, and the only reason for that: My super high bed, which was moved. Before the move, the ceiling light was not used for two years. Yes, two years. I've always wished I was 5' 6″…and I've accepted that's not gonna happen. So for now, I'll have to depend on Tall Cousin and any random tall males.

  14. Tricia says:

    I have encountered this one more times than I could count… there was the time my hot water tank exploded in my finished basement, flooding part of it, and having to figure out where to find the spickets to turn the water off to the tank (basement being finished, they were covered), then the time when everytime you would flush my main level toilet the bathtub would gurgle… called home warranty on that one, and the guy told me my house needed all new plumbing… thank GOD… I had the gumption to do some research and find out when there is something stuck in the roof 'stink pipe', it will do this… ended up being an $80 buck handyman fix to get up there and flush out pipe… Then, when my last refrigerator started literally shaking, and MOVING across the floor (30 year old vintage sub zero… its time had come).. and having to find someone to get that 82″ beast out, so the new one could get delivered… Sears would not even do it.. had to place a flipping Craigslist add to find someone willing to do it…
    SIGH…. it is always something.. especially when you are a homeowner. Those are the only times, when I wish I could have that hubby around that would know exactly what to do.. instead of me having to research, look like an idiot, sob, beg, plead with people.. Maybe there are guys out there willing to be rent a husbands? For times such as these? LOL

  15. Anonymous says:

    “Rent a Husband” a great concept. So often I could use some “muscles”, or a ladder. I hate that I can't do it all. For yard work, I have a “lawn boy” (my 85 year old dad), for those tasks requiring a ladder, I have a “contractor” (my brother), for housecleaning, I hire a service. Me, I do whatever I want… when I want. My 7 year old granddaughter asked me, “Grandma, aren't you sad because you live alone?” I said “No, not at all.” She replied, “I want a boyfriend.” To that I explained she most certainly does not, told her she was too young, etc. She told me all her friends in first grade have boyfriends and she wants one, too. She said, “Grandma, I want the perfect boyfriend. One that doesn't hit me or kick me at recess.” Nothing I said could convince her otherwise and later as we had ice cream, she said, “I'm still going to look for a boyfiend!” We were at the mall, and the young 20-something gal next to us smiled and said, “Oh honey, you will never find one.” Sigh….

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