Creating a Delicious Life in 2013

Today’s Guest Post is from Dee who will turn 35 in a few months and is contemplating this next phase of her life –perhaps as a single woman, but perhaps not.

Dee lives in Kansas City and works at a non-profit organization that focuses on education. In her spare time, she is a photographer who loves to shoot people and big cities. She is currently planning her third trip to Paris and plans to take a thousand pictures and eat many delicious pastries.

 

In her own words:

 

 

I was so happy to find Eleanore’s blog last year. In one of the first posts I read, she explained why having a husband and kids isn’t insurance to love and companionship for the rest of your life. Reading this blog has inspired me to evaluate my own life – what I want, what I don’t want and what would be nice, but certainly not a deal-breaker for a happy, fulfilled life.

 

In a few months I’m turning 35 years old. I know in the grand scheme of things, 35 is not old, especially, God willing, if I live to be as old as my nearly 100-year-old grandmother. But somehow this impending birthday has me sometimes keeping score of my life during moments of self-doubt.

 

No husband, no boyfriend, no kids – and here’s the scary part (or at least scary for me to come to terms with) – I really don’t care. But society keeps telling me I should care. It’s like, I don’t get flu shots, but everyone else seems to be doing it. So even though I don’t want a flu shot, I wonder, “What if I catch the flu and die?!”

 

But if I truly wanted a boyfriend, husband and/or kids (or flu shots), I’m sure I’d be actively pursuing getting them. Instead, I focus my time on my hobbies, work and personal development. I start to question myself though when I get questions like, “Are you dating anyone?” or “Do you want kids?” or “Why don’t you have this or that yet?” or “When are you going to…?” Just fill in the blanks. These questions remind that I’m nearly 35 and if I were following the socially accepted life path, I’d be way behind right now.

 

images-3But I’m not following the accepted path – on purpose. I’m actively trying to figure out my own direction, create my own map and my own brand of happiness in the process. When I heard Eleanore talk about the Spinsterlicious life really being about creating a delicious life, I knew that I had to define, for myself, what delicious means to me. I know that I have to avoid comparing myself with anyone else like the plague if I’m going to succeed. So far, here’s what I’ve come up with. Everything on this list feels right to me. I invite you to create your own “Delicious Life List.” What better time than now with the upcoming New Year?

 

My Delicious Life List:

 

1.       Freedom – I value my freedom. I love being child-free. I have no desire to have kids. Not saying that my feelings won’t change in the future; but for now, I’m comfortable with my decision to not be anyone’s mother (except perhaps to an adorable little doggy one day!).

 

2.       Travel – I’ve always loved traveling. Though I admit travel has become a huge headache (TSA rules, delays, missed connections, tourist traps, etc.), I’m constantly thinking of where I will escape to next. For 2013 (and my 35th birthday year), I’m hoping to do two big trips: New York City and Paris – my two favorite cities.

 

3.       Hobbies – I love to have time outside of my 9 to 5 to pursue hobbies. I know that if I had kids I’d resent not being able to have my “me time.” My hobbies are pretty solitary: writing, photography, reading and cooking.

 

4.       Personal development – I’m kind of a self-help junkie and I’d like to get better at things like self-acceptance, patience and having good relationships. My delicious life is all about accepting who I am (an introvert who will never be a social butterfly) and not constantly wishing that I was like someone else or having someone else’s experience.

 

5.       Home – While I do love to travel, I also love being at home (there’s a contradiction for ya). There really is no place like home. I don’t value the party life or a calendar filled with social engagements. I’m a homebody who loves to read books & blogs, watch DVDs and reruns of King of Queens. I also like to cook a good dinner and snuggle into my own bed at night. It’s okay that I don’t want to party or “put myself out there.” My delicious life is all about being happy and comfortable – and I get that at home!

 

 

So those are the things that I value as I approach this milestone birthday. Whatever age you’re turning in 2013, make it a memorable one! Until then, happy Spinsterhood! Make it delicious!

 

So, for the rest of you, what are some of the things you do that help make/keep your life a delicious one…Spinsterliciously so?

This entry was posted in The Spinsterlicious Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Creating a Delicious Life in 2013

  1. Lindsay says:

    Dee!
    I absolutely love your post! What truly resonated with me was the following, “I’m actively trying to figure out my own direction, create my own map and my own brand of happiness in the process.” It reminds me of what my father always told me growing up, “Life isn’t about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.” So I did just that… I began to create myself! I will be turning 31 shortly and like yourself, am creating my own happiness and allowing myself to be who I want to be and live the life I want to live regardless of societal norms. Here is to being single, fabulous and living life to the fullest!
    Thank you for being you!
    Lindsay

  2. Pingback: Giving Myself Permission to Write « Denene Blogs

  3. Dee says:

    Thanks for your kind words, Pam. I am working to get to that contented state. I’m closer than I’ve ever been, but I’m still working at it. Glad to know that it is achievable.

    As far as travel companions, my only companion has been my mom. Otherwise, I’ve just gone alone. But I recently became friends with another single gal and we are planning a trip together. I have thought of doing a guided tour. You should look into that for Turkey/Spain. That way you’d have less of a language worry because the tour organizers will help and you’d be with a group of people. Good luck!!

  4. Pam says:

    Thanks, Eleanore! I’ll check that out. I have traveled to the UK, as well as all over the US, Mexico and Canada, and had loads of fun, but Turkey and Spain are now tops on my list. The language thing just has me nervous.

    By the way Eleanore, thanks so much for this site. A short stint as a married woman (I wrote Knight in Tarnished Armor about that period in my life) made me realize in a hundred different ways I would rather be single, but didn’t realize until finding your blog that there were so many women who feel the same way, and are contented – isn’t that word wonderful? My niece just told me, “You are the happiest, most contented person I know.” It always sounds nice coming from someone else.

    Please continue to do your thing – you are great at it!
    Pam

  5. Pam says:

    Dee,

    We could be twins! I love being single and childless and am old enough now that people have stopped asking about my future, which is a blessing. Years ago, though, when the questions were asked I would reply…” You know, I’m so happy with my life right now, I’d have to be absolutely sure that when I find a man to marry, I would be even happier and I haven’t met anyone yet who fits that bill.”

    But I’m a bit hesitant to travel by myself, especially to non-English speaking countries. My travel companions from my past have all gotten married and can’t afford the cost of a trip in terms of money or time. How do you find travel companions who are compatible (personality wise) and have the same interests?

    I bought a house a few years back that needed work and it’s almost done. My money has been going into fixing it up, but now I’m turning my attention to traveling again.

    Does anyone know of a website or group that you can meet women with similar interest to travel with?

    Dee, you are wise beyond your years. Enjoy and know that there are many women out there who feel just like you. As for regrets…I have none, especially when it comes to children. Some women just aren’t meant to be mothers, and I’m one. I’m a killer aunt! LOL. But mom material – no way!

    Pam

    • Eleanore says:

      Hey, Pam: Check out my blog post on Chicks That Trip for info on women traveling with like-minded people: http://eleanorewells.com/travel-tuesday/

      Btw, I traveled alone on my first trip abroad. I recommend starting out with a country that has lots of English speakers, which most Western Europe countries do. Also, ask all your friends and co-workers if they know anyone in the country you’re interested in. Most people are happy to give you a little guidance.

      Good luck…

  6. Dee says:

    Thanks, Eleanore, for allowing me to share my writing on your blog! And thanks to everyone for the lovely comments!! I really appreciate the positive feedback. 😉

  7. Dana FKA Smokie says:

    I love this post. She reminds me so much of myself (just based on this read). The only difference is that I am married with 2 teens who will soon be going away to college. 🙂 If I were single, this would totally be me. (And no, I won’t get a flu shot either!)

  8. Rhona says:

    Dee, your post is great. I feel that same way. Like you, I love being single and not having children. I also love to travel and coming home. It is so great to go home and have a quiet place. No kids and noise all of the time. Society tells us we are not doing the right thing but sometimes I think the naysayers are jealous of our freedom. 🙂

  9. Judy from Las Vegas says:

    Well said. You might brace yourself Dee, because when you pass the age of “when are you going to_______” the curiosity of others can turn into anger or suspicion. I read an AARP article from a hospice worker who listed the top five regrets of the dying; look at the number one wish…”I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”. I too love the idea of a Delicious Life List, but it will be in pencil and sometimes it will list “I don’t know”.

  10. Bethany says:

    I appreciate this guest post so much. It’s so nice to see some of my exact thoughts echoed. I’ll be 36 this year, no children, no desire for any, no boyfriend, no husband, and no desire for either of those. Most people can’t understand what’s “wrong” with me. Surely I want x, y, z. Well, no, no I don’t but thanks for asking.

    I love the idea of a Delicious Life list! I think that’s a great thing to focus on.

  11. What wonderful post! I am married and have two children and I also love Paris. I often sit with re-live my time on a solo trip there almost 20 years ago when I was single and about Dee’s age. I enjoyed my single life and I also love where I am now.

  12. Lisa says:

    Love your post Dee and don’t get a flu shot, just practice healthy living! 😉

  13. SuzyKnew says:

    Dee sounds very happy. Very fulfilled. I wonder if she enjoys her work. She didn’t mention it and would assume based on how she has structured her life it is something she finds rewarding.

    As a child and husband-free lady, I enjoy my work and feel it’s a part of my spinsterlicious life.

  14. Adelia says:

    Well said! Yeah, apparently quite a few of us are “behind” 😉

  15. Christy says:

    I have to say that more mental stimulation is on my Delicious Life list. I have a need to challenge myself for this, and I know I can find it in many ways. I know I won’t be able to start back to our larger college this year, but did find a beginner’s Spanish class at the local Hispanic center. I may not be able to travel to larger cities for major arts events, but I can support our area events, we have a rich cultural root to tap if the effort is put into it. My dreams forever had always been huge, and I always had been waiting for them to land in my lap when I really just needed to jump in at the local level. Basically, take a step off my front porch, not run and leap off a cliff somewhere, thinking I am going to fly to the heavens. I have it all right here.

  16. Cheri says:

    Nice post, Dee! I’m also from MO. Glad to hear there’s another 30-something unmarried, childess lady in the state, as it seems they are few and far between (and apparently mostly in other states, as I have no single, childless girlfriends, which is frustrating sometimes)

    My life is complete and happy thanks to my pets (I take in and keep or find homes for dogs and cats that are regularly abandoned on my road), my home and garden “projects” and tending to my organic and flower gardens and yardwork. I honestly can’t imagine my life any other way. Waking up whenever I want, eating watermelon for dinner if I want, speeding along in my child seatless coupe and setting the thermostat on whatever temperature I want are just a FEW of the many perks of no husband or kids. In all honestly, I feel sorry for the stressed parents out there stuck in marriages that may or may not be that great. I don’t envy any of them! lol

  17. Carolyn B says:

    My delicious spinsterhood allows me to be active in whatever church program/study I want to sign up for. I don’t have to consult another’s schedule to see if I can do what I want when I want.

    Very good guest post –please ask Dee from KC to do this again sometime. I thoroughly enjoyed her writing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *