I ooze Single. I know I do. And not just “single for right now”, but for a long time. More than once, an old boyfriend has gotten back in touch with me after many years and, during our what-have-you-been-up-to conversation, they never ask “did you get married”? They ask about my job, my family, if I have a boyfriend, but I don’t ever recall one thinking that I was now a Mrs.
Recently, I was talking to Dave, one of my exes, and we were teasing each other about various funny incidents that happened during our courtship (such a quaint word). A number of guys I dated wanted to marry me; this guy didn’t. I wondered what was wrong with him for not even making the attempt. He told me one of the reasons.
We were talking about a mutual friend who was moving to a new city to marry her beau. Dave and I thought it would have made more sense for the groom-to-be to move to her city (long story), but he wouldn’t so she was going there. Dave mentioned that, if I had been in that situation, he knew that the move thing probably would have been a deal-breaker for me. I hadn’t said it, but I was thinking the same thing.
He said he knew almost immediately upon meeting me that I would probably be single for a long time, if not forever. He said that most women give an indication pretty quickly –verbally and/or non-verbally– that they would be willing to do what was necessary to make a marriage happen…to change their life in whatever way was necessary. Not in an extreme way but in a practical way. He said he always felt that I liked my life just as it was and probably wouldn’t be willing to change it much…a change, of course, which would be necessary if I were to marry. Changes have to be made when you’re combining two lives, right?
I thought “Wow”. Everything he said was true but I wasn’t aware of it until he gave voice to it. I wasn’t conscious of it, but I am aware on a gut level that I often felt that marriage would be too much of a disruption to my life. Hmmmm.
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