Is It The Way I’m Wired??

I’m not anti-marriage.   In fact, I think marriage can be something really great…when it’s right.  And I guess that’s the thing.  It seems really hard.   I think it was Bryant Gumbel, during a recent stint co-hosting The View, who said a person has to “really, really, really want to be married for it to work.”  (Two of those “reallys” are actually mine).   And I’ve never really, really, really wanted to. 

So, take now, for instance.  I’m not in a serious relationship but I am seeing someone.  He’s a nice guy…a great guy in fact (who I hope doesn’t read blogs).  So, though I’m not in love, I am enjoying  what we have.  So why am I trying to mess it up?  Well, I’m not really trying to mess it up but here’s what happened.   At a friend’s dinner party, I met her friend who is interesting, funny, cute…and single.  So I decided I wanted to go out with him.  As we were making plans to get together, I remembered  “the other guy”.  Later I became a bit ferklempt: why am I sniffing around this man when I have something else nice going on?  Geez. 

 I’ve always done this…but I’m not a young’un anymore.  Why am I still acting like it?  Shouldn’t I be trying to settle down?

 I asked my girlfriend that very question.  She just laughed.  “Honey, you’re just not wired that way.  Do your thing”.  So…I am.

What do you think?  Should a “woman of a certain age” stop dating around and start settling in?

This entry was posted in being single, eleanore wells, spinster, spinsterlicious, the way I'm wired, woman of a certain age. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Is It The Way I’m Wired??

  1. Anonymous says:

    I so relate to this! This is the message that is pumped out in our stories, conversations, etc.

    Anyways, I firmly believe we all have our own path. We were NOT meant to live the same kinds of lives. The only person you need to be committed to is your own self. What does your inner self want? What does your soul want? These are the important questions to ask. The ones that matter.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely not…keep sniffing

  3. Trixie says:

    makes me nervous when you say these things! i guess thats the way IM wired!

  4. eleanore says:

    @Bananny: I'm glad you're in a better place. NYC can be tough at first, but I think it's one of the best cities in the world to be single in!

    @Anonymous: How can we argue with Louis Armstong? I love the idea of “sharing the home fire”…I just think maybe we should have separate homes! 🙂

  5. Janet says:


    What a great blog. You've got something very interesting to say and you say it well.

    The issue to me is having happy healthy relationships which are essential to individual and community happiness. You seem to have those in abundance.

    There is a Darwinian angle that says the species whose females didn't want children died out. But then again, the species whose women didn't want children but felt obligated to have them anyway probably committed suicide and died out too.

    And my final musing is how much marriage is just reflexive from 1000s of years of dependence. What will it be like after 200 years of financial independence. Probably many more Eleanores.

    BTW, are we on for drinks tomorrow? jp

  6. Anonymous says:

    real interesting read! you have had lots of fun and still can with that one special someone. I think it is time for you to bring it on in. louis armstrong has a song that says it's nice to share the home fire and you are rapidly getting close to that phase in life (smile).

  7. Linda says:

    Amen Eleanore 😉 Do you know how many women (and men) would love to be in your (and mine) situation?? Society tells us “it's time” and “it's normal”, but thankfully we live in a time when we have choices.

  8. Banannny says:

    I love your blog. I moved to NYC few years ago and had hard time transitioning to its ways. Now I am finally find joy in being single, independent and free. I am just glad here you can choose whoever you want to be and however you want to live your life, that's the beauty of modern society and big city – no judgment. You inspire me!

  9. DON'T BLINK says:

    There's no problem with your position. My question is “can a man in the same place in life do what you are doing?”

  10. Harris S. says:

    Eleanore – You ferklempt? I don't think so. What's ferklempt is our fawning focus on family formation. Your blog is a wonderful antidote to all that – should be required reading to anyone considering “settling in.” Great job – Harris S.

  11. ilanarose says:

    Everybody's got their own agendas and time lines. And if your agenda is having no agenda, I think that's fine too.

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