The Blessing That is a Curse

I look a lot younger than my age.  I feel I do but, more importantly, lots of other people feel I do and they tell me so all the time.  Now, one thing I’ve noticed is that everybody tells a woman over 40 that she looks younger than her age…even when she doesn’t.  It’s kind of a requirement.  In my case, though, it’s really true.  And why am I so sure? For a couple of reasons.

Reason 1.  
Last year, when I was job-hunting, I kept tripping up my prospective employers as they tried to reconcile the dates and my job experience with my “youthful appearance”.  (I put that in quotes because I feel kinda silly saying that, although it’s true).   A few headhunters even told me to take some of the older dates off my resume because I work in an industry that’s not too friendly to women-of-a-certain age, and they felt I would open myself up to many more opportunities that way because I looked young enough to pull it off.   And they were right.   I got lots of interviews, many of which I know I wouldn’t have gotten had they known my real age.  Looking younger than my age was a real blessing.

Reason 2
I keep meeting men who are really interested in me, and they demonstrate it in all the familiar ways men show that they’re interested: the look in their eyes, the smile in their voice, the efforts they make to get and keep my attention.  That is, until they find out how old I am.  Then they can’t run away fast enough.  Yes, of course, there are lots of guys who like older women and they’re usually younger.  Much younger.  A little younger, say, 10 years,  is nice, but I don’t particularly like dating guys who are way younger than I am.  (See Younger Men ).  

I happen to like men my own age.  They just don’t like me so much.  They start out liking me and then they get all stupid on me because apparently dating a grown woman is a problem for them.  This would be pretty amazing if it weren’t myself that I’m talking about:

  • I had a great time with Kevin (not his real name) for about 6 months, hanging out several times a week doing all kinds of fun things all over New York City.  Then he found out my age and freaked out.  By the look on his face, you would have thought I’d told him I had a syphilis, not that I was the same age as he was.  He thought I was about 15 years younger.  About a week later, he cut me off.  Said he might want to have a kid; not right now, but someday so he needed to be with a woman who had enough child-bearing years left to produce for him in the future.  I’d never heard him mention wanting a kid before.

  • Something similar happened the following year.  Different guy, same reaction to my age…again, even after he’d known me for awhile.  After that, I started telling guys my age on the first or second date.  If my age matters to him, he should know sooner rather than later.  No need in wasting his time.  Mine, either.

  • Shortly thereafter, I met a guy at a restaurant while waiting for my friends.  My friends were late, so he and I spent 30-45 minutes talking.  He had already expressed interest in seeing me again, when he made an awkward comment about his own age.  He wondered if I would mind going out with an older man.  Obviously he was having his own issues.  Poppa was having difficulty accepting his own age and apparently thought a younger woman could help with his self-deception.  But as it turns out, I was older than he was.  He wasn’t even cool about it.  He abruptly paid the bar bill and scrammed.

Now, when I meet a guy, I tell him my age almost immediately.  It’s just easier.  If he has age issues –about mine or his own– he’ll have to work that out somewhere else.  I can’t be bothered.

Who’da thunk looking young would be a bad thing?  Insecure men, that’s who.

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5 Responses to The Blessing That is a Curse

  1. bikegirl says:

    I have the same problem. Not with guys, although I'm sure that will become a problem for me in the future. When I'm 40, I'll probably look about 25. What 40 – 45 year old is going to want to date someone who looks more like their daughter than their girlfriend?

    I'm 34 but I've been told I look about 21 or 22. I think because of that, people don't take me seriously because they think I'm some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's talking about.

  2. trish says:

    I dated someone who was 60, when he saw my HS yearbook picture and realized I hadn't aged much, trouble was coming! He started acting 60 instead of the 45 he HAD been acting the very next day! Thinking what he was going to look like in 20 years versus me in that same time span drove him to drink! LOL! You can't buy confidence, a confident man can go out with any woman ANY age and be solid! I always have just one question, “Can you handle that I don't age?” Good genes, rest and taking care of yourself is NOT to be apologized for. If they can't hang, they gotta roll bounce!

  3. dressysjp says:

    I bet you're phenomenal at your age and it's only a matter of time before a handsome devil appreciates it! 🙂

  4. It's so frustrating to see men behave like this all the time. There are so many cool women out there who can't find a guy their own age and it all comes down to men having weird ideas about a younger woman being a 'catch'. I think they just want to feel like they have more power in the relationship and a younger woman is less threatening. I think guys who have this kind of complex are losers but there seem to be a lot of them out there. When will men grow up?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I can vouch that she looks younger than her age — SY Guy

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