What to give a Spinster for Christmas? Maybe nothing. Every year, in the middle of the Christmas season, I’m somewhat amused by the multitudes of Gift Guides I see everywhere –in newspapers, magazines, online, handouts in stores– designed to help us choose “the perfect” gift for the people on our list.
I’m always struck by the way these gift guides are categorized. As if your lifestage is a determinant of what you would want as a gift. (Lifestage, not personality or interests). The obvious ones are the What to Give Mom, …Dad, or …College Student guides. According to them, Mom wants robes, lingerie, fluffy slippers, perfume, and jewelry. The more upscale ones may suggest a Spa Day. For Dad, there’s plaid shirts, cufflinks and gadgets. And every college student, of course, wants electronics. I see these kinds of guides every year so I’m assuming they must be popular…and maybe even helpful…though I find the suggestions in these guides to be pretty unimaginative.
I’m intrigued, though, by the number of Holiday Gift Guides I’ve seen lately “for the Bachelor“. They’re usually much more interesting. They look like someone actually took the time to scout for gifts that are, if not unique, at least pretty creative. They suggest things that are uncommon and usually not easy to find (and not inexpensive), like high-end small batches of alcohol, cashmere sweaters, “The Art of Shaving” kits, unusual music collections, even art. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that all Bachelors must be really special people; look at how much more interesting the gift suggestions for them are.
Then it occurred to me that I’ve never seen a Christmas Gift Guide for me. No “What to Get the Single Lady in Your Life” -or- “Christmas Gifts for the Bachelorette” -or- “Holiday Gifts that Every Spinster Wants”. Nada. Why not? I like Christmas gifts.
So I decided to do an online search. It was worse than I expected. I didn’t really think I’d find much of anything. What I found,instead, was even more ridiculous. All the Bachelorette gift suggestions are for Bachelorette Parties (as in pre-wedding), so that at least one of them doesn’t have to be a bachelorette anymore.
So bachelorette is not the way to go. I kept searching. Apparently, unmarried women must have one helluva sense of humor because most of the gift suggestions I came across fall into the gag group (mugs, t-shirts, and hats with witty quips) or wacky category (flannel pajamas, Chippendales wall calendars, lots of socks in funny colors).
What am I to make of this? If you’re a woman who’s old enough to be married but isn’t, you don’t deserve a proper gift –or gift guide– during the holidays? We gotta change that. Next year, I want to see interesting, creative, respectable gift suggestions for someone like me; hell, I like high-end liquor, too! C’mon retailers. I know you can do this!
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