Where Do Old Broads Hang Out? (An Oldie but Goodie)

I first ran this post last January.  It’s still on my mind:  where do women who are too old for the clubs meet men?  The same friend I mention, below, who is still Nameless is compiling a list: so far, hardware stores and stores that sell computers and electronics are high on her list.

After I ran this post last year, I received two nasty emails: one from a man who thought I was “ridiculous and pathetic”, and a woman who said “she’s glad she’s not me”.  I’m not offended when weirdos who don’t know me say stuff like that, but I was curious then and now as to why this particular post was so offensive to them?  

So here’s the post; still relevant…

Last Saturday night, I found myself prowling the streets in search of food, drink, fun, and maybe even a guy.  I wasn’t alone, but my dear friend, Nameless, who was with me hated it so much she won’t allow me to use her name…not even her initials.   Here’s what happened.   I invited her to a comedy show where a guy I knew was performing.  However, I screwed up the details and so we found ourselves all dressed up with nowhere to go.   Actually, we weren’t all dressed up; we were dressed pretty casually.  If we had been all dressed up, we would have had more options. 

Anyway, we tried to think of where we could go for a little fun, but we had a few criteria: good food, good drinks, inviting atmosphere, and a few grown-up guys we could flirt with without feeling like pedophiles.   There are tons of places in NYC that fit the first few criteria, but the last one is what stumped us.  

We weren’t dressed cute enough to go to a few of the fancy places we thought of and I was sure that, if we tried, they’d hand us an apron and tray instead of directing us to the bar area.   So, we thought of a few second-tier locales, but when we got to each of them it was a let-down: no grown men inside and not a lot of fun going on.  After the 4th or 5th place, we were starting to weary.  Plus it was cold!

So here’s the question: where do grown-ups hang out?   Where can women of a certain age who are looking for a little action find men of a certain age?   We’re not going to the club.  Those days are done.  So where? It’s wintertime so we must be especially strategic because desirable people aren’t just out-and-about in this weather.   The relationship I was in ended recently and so I’m back on the block, hoping to stumble across a gentleman who wants to spend a little time in my Spinsterlicious company.  When I was young(er), this hunt was fun.  That night, it felt ridiculous.  Which is why Nameless insists on remaining that way.  

I think I’m going to make that my new mission: finding respectable places where I’m not embarrassed to be seen standing at the bar, flirting with the fellas (older fellas, not young’uns), and having a laugh.  I’m just not sure where that place is…but I intend to find out!  I’m open to all suggestions; tell me what you know!

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66 Responses to Where Do Old Broads Hang Out? (An Oldie but Goodie)

  1. John says:

    The problem IS real, and it seems insurmountable.

    First off, Human Nature tries to protect us from the unknown and perhaps dangerous. We, as humans, have Stranger Anxiety. Someone who is not obviously “us” is held at a loooooooong distance, not matter HOW interesting they might be, until they are thoroughly vetted. That can take months or years or forever.

    Even in the “meet/meat market” clubs of early 20’s singles, this is true. Man or woman looking to make a new friend TONIGHT must dress, walk, talk, gesture, etc. like those what are already there. Blue collar woman/man in a white collar club get nowhere. Same same reverse.

    Second off, women/men are their MOST attractive age 18 or so. STILL often quite attractive at 21, but less so. At 25, at 28, at 31, at 35. In hard numbers, by age 35 most — as wonderful as they are — are no longer hard-bodied goddesses/Adonis’s.

    Problem. Women, more so than men, look in the morning mirror at age whatever long past 18 and SEE themselves as they looked, or wanted to look, as a 21 year old. AND WON’T ACCEPT ANY MAN WHO DOESN’T LOOK THE SAME.

    The second most common lie a single woman tells past whenever is that SHE “looks younger than she is”.

    Third thing is, most women won’t talk about anything but themselves. A guy wants to talk about himself, the conversation is done and over in a couple moments. Gigolo’s are well-rehearsed at parroting back to a “mark” what she just said.

    Fourth thing is most women past early adulthood dress TERRIBLE, in baggy beige’s, browns, pastels, faded out colors. Clothing that immediately blends in with the wallpaper.

    Fifth thing i most women past early adulthood stare at the ground in front of them when walking.

    Sixth thing is most women past early adulthood are ANGRY the men interested in them are not rich and handsome. These women withhold sex to punish the men who ARE interested in them.

    Seventh thing is most women P.E.A. “won’t settle” for the men who want them because “they DESERVE” their equal”.

    Eighth thing is most women P.E.A. stay at home nearly ALL free hours, locked behind a solid core door with triple deadbolt locks.

    I’ve seen women friends INSIST there “are no men here”, when in fact “here” had 70+ age-appropriate men and just five such women. They rejected EVERY man as “not here” who was not well dressed and trim and handsome and much younger.

    Ninth thing is, most woman P.E.A. think a man is only interested in their sex, but not THEIR sex, because THEY no longer LOOK 21 years old. None are Charming. Some are gracious, but none on Charming. Gracious women are frequent, Charming women are not to be found.

    I’ve tried to demonstrate to women P.E.A. how to effect Charm. But Charm REQUIRES looking at/and listening to a man from HIS point of view, and I never met women willing to do that. What a shame, what a waste of good material.

  2. The_Prince says:

    I like to be civil with dealing with people because that’s just how I was raised. Having said that, this doesnt mean that I am going to be politically correct on the expense of the truth.

    I am a young, tall, dark, and handsome man. I have absolutely no problem with women my age. I meet them on campus, work, social events, and online. The only issue I dislike about them is that they are not kinky in bed. What I have noticed is women, generally old women, who have some deficiencies tend to be do extra stuff in bed for her man. Those type of women who do that do it to make up the deficient in the age/look department. It’s more of like you lose something, you get one.

    Now here is the interesting part: I would never consider to establish a relationship with an older woman, even if she was the most beautiful and wealthiest in the society. This is because older women are fully aware that their market value in the dating scene has depreciated already; thus they are no longer the picky little young women that they once were. As a result of this attitude, I refuse to stoop to that level and establish a real relationship with a mature lady. Because, once again I emphasis , because she will look at me as if ” you can do better ” thing. If she didn’t think she lost her value, I would no problem dating her, and even marrying her.

    It is common knowledge that women’s golden era is between the age of 18 – 29(this is also the age set by beauty contests) during this time, she only aims for top notch alpha male who sexed her and left her. After that, she aims for the beta man and wants him to work hard for sex( lmao) and support her financially.

    Ladies, you have created this problem. Why did you waste your 20’s aiming for rock-stars and then complain about where the good moral guys at?

    Sorry to break it down for you, ladies, but knights for the princess, not the queen.

  3. angie says:

    Those are pretty harsh..”ridiculous and pathetic” and “glad I’m not you”? I say they’re jealous. You are fabulous! 🙂 Interesting, independent, funny, busy…what’s not to be jealous of? Love that hate, it means you’re doing something right!!

    • eleanore says:

      Thanks, Angie. Those kinds of comments don’t bother me. Those people don’t know me. I do often wonder what they look like, though. I always assume they’re challenged by issues of their own!

  4. Pingback: The Spinsterlicious Life 2012 Round-up: Winners and Duds | Eleanore Wells

  5. Glenn Hardy says:

    Excellent blog! I am a married 62 year old male. I’m a musician, and I play out a lot, both as a solo artist and in a band, and I see a lot of social interaction. (Of course, I second the motion regarding live music venues as good places to meet people. I can’t believe some of the comments by men here! Women aged 40 and above have probably already been through their fair share of morons, so why continue to to try and please them by altering your body and worrying about living up to the television culture’s ideas of womanhood? Be yourself! If you’re big, be big! Many men openly, and some, secretly, like BIG. There are countless websites extolling the virtues of older women, as well as larger women. (Not that I would ever look at such things…) This culture has to change, and women are going to be the ones who change it, whether we like it or not. Take charge!

  6. Anonymous says:

    Wow! I didn't think some men could stoop so low as to write some of the rubbish posted here. Suffice it to say that when men start posting garbage about women's looks, it is usually a reflection of their own insecurities and unattractiveness….which is why they can write it but never say it to your face…because you would laugh and ignore them.

  7. Reza says:

    you're too old to “hang out” find a guy (lower your standards) and come to peace. you old hag.

  8. Reza says:

    how about this – you are too old for this bs. lower your standards, make yourself look as best as you can, and settly ur ass down.

    find a man and be at peace. if you feel too old, that means you are. people ur age should be able to come home to a warm house with someone they can share it with – you dummy, moron, idiot.

    • Sheree says:

      OH MY GOODNESS, Reza. I started reading this blog purely by accident – I was trying to get an idea for a funny text to send to my folks. Anyway, I digress….
      I realize that I am commenting on a post dated 5+ years ago. With that said –
      Reza, bless your heart- I am SO overwhelmingly taken back by what you said in your post(s) on April 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm and at 10:15 pm. Again…, WOW!!

      YOUR words….
      “..old hag..”
      “…dummy, moron, idiot.”

      Where is the mind of a person that would feel the need to say ANY of those things- to ANYBODY?????!!!

      Do you not have a dictionary?

      My final words/questions for Reza ( besides thinking, “…I will NEVER get this time back…”):

      ** REZA, what grade are you in?
      ** Are your folks aware that you’re still up?
      **You better get back to “nighty-night” – you have school (very elementary) tomorrow.

      Oh, how very inconsiderate of me….. there is NO way you have parents!
      Otherwise you may have ACCIDENTALLY learned a little “home-training”.

      Why did you feel the need to say those things to anybody – true or not?

      Do you kick puppies too? Steal candy from babies? Isn’t it exhausting ( and lonely) being you?

      I will pray for you.

  9. I would say try the racetrack in summer or do dance classes in winter. And be friendly. But what do I know? I'm an older single guy.

  10. C says:

    I got your back, Cinnamon Girl! I openly admit I don't have much of a dating history at 39 (what can I say I guess other than that I never encountered many men in life who looked at me in a romantic sense)I'm more comfortable now with myself at this age then when I was in my 20s. I think back at how naive I was in my 20s and now realize the “older men” who approached me saw just how naive I was and probably hoped to take advantage. Sorry Sidewinder and Anonymous but you need to own up to why you really pursue the youngsters. Why pursue a woman who could be your equal when you can buy one you can possibly control with your experience and money? I may not have the knowledge most women my age have about men and relationships (never been married or have kids) but I would never discount myself as being a potential mate for a man just because I'm considered an “old broad.” I feel it takes a real man to love, romance and appreciate everything about women who age right along with them. Hope to encounter one some day although the comments made by Sidewinder and Anonymous make me realize sitting around watching Dish Network in the evenings might not be so bad after all…

  11. Cinnamongrl says:

    Thank you C! Anonymous (Bitter, party of one, your table is ready) assumes that every single middle aged woman is somehow “at fault” and desperate. I guess all men are perfect and all women are evil? No woman has ever had her heart broken by a bad guy, no men lie or cheat or are abusive. Sheesh.

    I am 46 and single after a 20+ year marriage. And surprise, it takes two. We were both responsible for the health (and demise) of our marriage. I am a curvy woman(size 14). I look good and dress well (and appropriately for my age and size). I find it's easy enough to meet men – they're everywhere. Smile, flirt and stike up a conversation for the fun of it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    I do agree with Sidewinder's comments on being feminine and comfortable sexually. In my case, these traits have been enhanced with time. The men I meet are more attracted to personality, confidence and sensuality than a tiny waist or perky boobs. I know the more superficial guys are out there, but I guess I'm not attracted to them, and vice versa.

    Oh, and PS gentleman – your money doesn't impress me, I have my own. I am established and successful in my career. Maybe you should consider what you can do to keep my interest;) (And catch any of the other single, successful and fabulous over 40 women out there!)

  12. C says:

    To the “Anonymous” writer who posted on 1/4/12: You can insult Bikergirl by saying her comment she made about you was “lame and cliched” but I think your comments simply show your lack of intelligence and disdain for women. Don't assume that women who write into this site instigated their divorces, snubbed nice guys or dated bad boys. Did it occur to you that some of these women are suddenly widows who are venturing back into the world of dating? I'm willing to bet you're the man who lost a woman at some point on all 3 counts. Women divorce for various reasons – infidelity, abuse, finding out her hubby is gay, etc. Many married the good guys only to watch their marriages fail as years passed. Not all guys have been burned by women. Your comment certainly doesn't fit the men who married their first and only loves at the early ages of 18, 19, 20 and live to talk of their 50th wedding anniversaries…marrying at such young ages didn't give them time to be ripped apart by the opposite sex! And sure the young women flock to the older, successful men like yourself. It's easy to mold and shape the young, immature, mind of a 21 year old college student. To them men in their 30s and 40s are Daddy figures. You can provide them with all of the securities a good father would provide his daughter. Some women this age want what they can get from you until a better deal comes along. If guys their age had wealth to add to their ripe bodies older guys would be left hanging. Young, “hot” women aren't with the Tigers and the Hughs and Donalds out of love -it's all about the Benjamins. Play pauper for a day and find out how many of those pretty, nubile ladies would be at your side…think what you want about the ones who burned you but there are plenty of decent, middle-aged women who got raw deals. They are as deserving of the respect you middle-aged men seem to think only belong to the young women who pleasure you.

    To Sidewinder: I can't believe you would recommend to a woman to “get her boobs lifted” so she would be more appealing to men. Such comments prove you are superficial. You're 35ish talking about the pleasures of loving a 21 year old. A 21 year old is green -she has not lived. At 21 I was in college trying to get a degree. The thought of being “wifey/mommy” material was the furthest thing from my mind. Sorry to break it to you but at 40 I work around 18 – 25year olds females and some have openly stated during conversations that they felt that 35 and 40 year old men are “old.” Questions to you: When you're 40 and your love handles are potruding and you're losing hair will you get fat taken from your waist and hair plugs implanted? When your biceps are gone will you work out harder or wear long sleeved shirts? And you're not just “mate material” at the age “17 – 31.” A person has to decide if he or she wants a companion or a mate – period. If this is the age range you give for “potential mates” you should consider yourself out of the running for the young women you keep trying to attact.

    Bottom line: you don't know what middle age women go through to get to this point in their lives. We may not be as perky or as desireable in the eyes of our male counterparts but we are so much better than many of the women who came before us. We are individuals with so much to offer to men who don't waste their time chasing the Fountain of Youth. The smart men worth keeping know that you will never get your own youth back even if you find that fountain. Both of you will see the days as well when you feel young, vibrant and healthy but have to work very hard to get the young, nubile women you so desire to see you the way you see yourselves.

  13. Anonymous says:

    In my area older guys hang out at jazz type bars/clubs and coffee shops where they have music. Also, you have to remember that as your age group continues to age, they are less prone to “go out” to socialize like they did in their younger days. After a while some people just get tired of it all. They just hang out at home, it's easier, and the things that used to be fun, aren't anymore. Similiar to co-workers I see nearing retirement age, they are burnt out on the whole thing, I think that happens regarding going out for a night on the town–once you hit 50 it all seems kinda of silly. I think the ideas to join meet up groups to hike or bike make more sense.

  14. Smokie says:

    Ok – last one. LOL I recently went to a jazz club and it was filled with men in their 50s. Crowd was a little too old for me (39), but that's where they are.

    meetup.com is great too. I've met new female friends there and I'm sure they have singles meet up groups too.

  15. Smokie says:

    I didn't take up golf until I got married, and usually I'm the only woman on the course. Sporting events, in general, are good places to meet men. Again, I didn't realize this until I got married. As a single woman I didn't think about sports. I should have!

  16. Sidewinder says:


    Something is getting lost in translation here. As a 53 year old woman, the mate/companion distinction is not in play. You are looking for men who are seeking primarily a friend and companion. I doubt you're looking to have more kids and I doubt you're in the market for men in their 30s and early 40s.

    I think the “mate” category only potentially applies to girls 17-31. If older than 31, then I really don't care if she's 34 or 38…at that point I'm evaluating her as a companion and if the 38 year old is better looking with a better attitude, I'm going with her.

    It sounds like you look pretty good for your age, so I think men 48-60 would potentially be in play for you. But just as you look and act younger than your age, don't assume that there aren't attractive men in their 60s that you might like.

  17. DharmaDog says:

    I'm 53 and widowed with two teenagers. Not all of us “older women” are single by choice, so I would watch your generalizations. I made what I thought were the right choices and then my husband died of cancer on me four years ago, so so much for that.
    I'm not dating men that are 10 years older than me. They are OLD..set in their ways, BORING, and a waste of time. I haven't found a single man who was 60 interesting..and the ones I have have no idea what I am talking about.
    And as for the younger men who think they can bed me and throw me to the curb afterwards, I wish them luck. I'm not that desperate.
    I'm not fat, ugly, or have wrinkled skin either. I dated a few men since my husband died and am currently seeing one who is age appropriate so it's not like I've been on a shelf somewhere.
    Sidewinder and Anonymous if you represent what is available, I am not particularly hopeful about men in my own age group.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Ms. Anonymous:

    Ok, I misspoke. The other venue is:


    In addition to:


    GET INVOLVED… If you're in a larger city, there is usually something (group/s) to satisfy everyone's taste/preference.

  19. Anonymous says:

    Ms. Anonymous:

    As Miriam and I both pointed out 1/4/12 –


    It's a wonderful venue to meet people!

    At one time there was also a Meetin.com. I don't know if it still exists?

  20. Sidewinder says:

    Anonymous 44 year old chick:

    There are exceptions to every rule, and everyone's individual circumstances may vary. That fact should always be a given when discussing generalized groups of people “where are all the single guys?” “why don't single guys in their 30s look for women in their 30s?” I'm happy that you found someone and hopefully that is because you are a quality piece of a** and not because your 42 year old boyfriend is a loser. If you would have read my post, you would have noticed that I said that men in their 40s are often looking for something different than men in their 30s.

    I did not mean for my advice to come across as mean-spirited at all. I genuinely was giving advice from the perspective of a single, 35 year old man. Again, individual circumstances will vary so I don't know how useful this is, but this has been my experience dating:

    I have dated girls between the ages of 21 and 36. Actually, I'll use one of the 21 year olds and the 36 year old as examples to explain where a 35 year old man is coming from.

    I really enjoyed spending time with the 36 year old. She is very intelligent, keeps her body really tight, and was very easy to relate to. She made for an excellent companion and I still keep in touch with her.

    The 21 year old brought out irrational biological feelings that are difficult to describe. Yeah, she's attractive and I was sexually attracted, but there is a deeper level of attraction than just wanting to bang some chick. I wanted to possess her, protect her, impregnate her, impress her, and guard her against any potential male competitors. I realize this sounds very caveman-esque, and I'm a 35 year old professional. But the attraction for the reproductively-viable girl triggered deep biological responses that were beneath my socialized, logical consciousness.

    The broad point – as a 35 year old male organism, I am seeking the best possible biological mate. that includes intelligence, personality…but a great deal of what constitutes the “best” mate is perceived at the subconscious level. And while I never thought this consciously to myself, I'm sure that my subconscious perceived several traits of youth and fertility in the 21 year old that were absent in the 36 year old. I will say however that its more than just physical traits. There was something about the 21 year old's energy, innocence…men have evolved to perceive many traits in females that indicate their fertility, not just T & A.

    Reproduction is what humans do. There will come a point where 21-29 year old women will no longer be interested in me. Perhaps in my mid-40s I will value a close friend and companion more than anything else. And again, I realize there are exceptions to every rule. Guys in their 30s date girls in their 30s all the time.

    But as a rule of thumb, guys in their 30s are still seeking mates, not companions. If I were a single girl in her 30s, I would be looking for men at least 10 years older. And that shouldn't depress single 30s girls either (unless they really want to have a family). Like your experience, I think a lot of girls my age (mid-30s) would enjoy the company of a mid-40s guy more than my company.

  21. flapjack says:

    Exactly how old of a man are you looking for? I'm 36 and I and my male friends usually go to *bars*, not clubs. The kind of place where you can belly up for a few beers, play songs on the jukebox, the kind of places that has a mix of people of various ages and socio-economic levels. Where there will be guys dressed like “bikers” playing pool with bankers.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Spinster…keep examples in your mind of older women finding love. 10% of all new marriages are with women over 40. My mother found a lifelong partnership at age 50. Ditto my bf's mother. It happens. It is true we have to keep ourselves up to improve our chances (but so do men!) and I am sure you do that. You are a sophisticated gal. Don't let the put down artists get you down…there is something deeply wrong with them.

  23. Anonymous says:

    To Sidewinder and the other Anonymous poster who was extremely critical of older single women.

    Let me tell you, the idea that women lose their looks dramatically after 25 is ridiculous! Where do you live? Boondocks? Thru a great diet with lots of veggies and fruits, exercise, etc one can stay hot for a long time. I am 44, I was just told by an ex bf that I am even hotter NOW than when I was dating him. Yes, it's true.

    Further, there ARE quality men who appreciate a woman closer to her age. Men who want a genuine friendship/companionship will choose a woman they have more in common with not just the most nubile of women. I know, I am one of them! I got a successful man at 42 years old. He loves me because I am sensitive, kind, fun and that I have taken care of myself. He said the younger women are immature and difficult…so not all men are like this. There is more to love than the most nubile…you just have to be attractive enough. Real love is about friendship, kindness, compatibility, sharing, communication. I am sad you two see things in only economic terms but there is so much more to life and love than what you have espoused.

    I have to wonder what is it about your guys where you felt the need to post such things in such an unkind, unsupportive way. Me thinks it's more about you than her.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Your idea of home improvement stores is right on! I don't understand the hate of some people. Shame on them! I've gone to home improvement stores on Saturday mornings, and three times, while wearing cute clothes, I got help/flirting/conversation there.

    Any group activity with men will do. Biking/golf/tennis/running clubs are a good bed. Become a regular at a coffeehouse that attracts men of your age group, Saturday mornings are great with cyclists and exercisers. Culture clubs, hiking clubs,…make a list and try!

    I think the internet is good as long as you have an attractive photo and profile.

    Ignore the negative nellies…have fun while on your search and your vibration will attract like kind.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I'm the anonymous that wrote about women thinking they deserve many chances at love after they've blown it. I think Sidewinder broke it down in a very honest and polite way. If you can't accept what Sidewinder said, you are in denial of the truth. To Bikegirl, every person with a penis has been burned by women time and again. Your cliched shaming tactic of trying to paint me as defective somehow, is tired and lame. Every single man who interacts with women gets cheated on, gets his heart torn apart, and gets treated like dirt when he treats women well. It's the facts of life as a male.

    Finally, to address the actual question here…
    As an attractive, successful, confident businessman in my early forties, here are the places I go to meet classy women:
    Hotel bars
    Upscale lounges
    Piano bars
    Live music of the unplugged variety
    Outdoor music/beer/wine festivals
    Sidewalk cafes
    Swing dancing
    Creative groups

    If you don't do anything – meaning you don't have any interesting hobbies or skills, then I can understand why you'd be having trouble. Men don't like boring women who haven't done anything with their lives except build a career, have kids, or sleep around.

  26. kaneadvice says:

    Bars/restaurants in or near hotels where many businessmen stay. Marriotts, Hiltons and Westins are the best bet. A lot of consultants stay in those hotels. Some consultants are in town as little as a day, some as much as a year, but most stay for 1-3 months. If unmarried, these men are almost certainly on the hunt. If married, well, sometimes those guys are looking too.

  27. Sidewinder says:

    Anonymous makes some very valid points, although I do feel compassion for older women who are lonely. Older women who are lonely owe a duty to younger women to tell them the truth about life and to stop sabotaging their happiness as self-justification for the mistakes the lonely older woman has made in her life. Anonymous is exactly right, most women have been given more than a few shots at a lifelong relationship by the time they are in their late 20s. The current female peer culture is absolutely poisonous regarding commitment, marriage and family. Going out “to the club” to meet men as if you were going to the store for some bread is not a responsible lifestyle and the fact that this author laments the loss of such lifestyle leaves me with little compassion towards her. (I'm not religious, btw)

    But we're all human and we all make mistakes. Older women can find happiness and men to share their lives with. Age can bring wisdom if you are willing to be honest with yourself. Confront the mistakes you have made in the past instead of running from them in denial. Get right in your own head.

    Be feminine. “I want to know where I can go out and get drunk and meet hot guys my own age…” sounds like a horny frat guy talking to his friends. If you don't know how to be mysterious, submissive, evasive, pleasant, supportive, nurturing, by this age, you're done.

    Then be as good looking as you possibly can. Start with your weight and overall figure. Get implants or have your breasts lifted. Go to the gym 3 times a week, eat healthy. Why older women waste money on clothes and makeup when they look like cows is a mystery to me.

    Be sexual. You should have no hang ups by the time you're 30. By being feminine and having an attractive body, you will find that you enjoy sex more. By being submissive, your man will be more dominant, which will turn you on more.

    As far as where to meet good older guys…first off, shoot for guys 10 or more years older. Guys in their 30s are still looking for reproductively viable females for the most part. The good news is that men in their 40s often look better than men in their 30s.

    Keep in mind male/female dating dynamics – both men and women are looking for “a catch.” By being 10 years younger than the man, your youth, looks and sexuality make you a catch for him. That he is a “good” man, with his shit together, is what makes him a catch for you. You might think that I'm trying to depress you, i'm not. I've seen single 30 year old women try it both ways, and the ones that go with confident older men that appreciate them are way more happy than those that either get used by men their own age and ultimately left for younger women, or, they end up with a man their own age who is a complete puss with women or a loser in general.

  28. Fuzzy says:

    My mom has always told me that I should buy a couple of two by fours and go stand near Lowe's or Home Depot and ask a man about some fake home improvement job!

  29. bikegirl says:

    You sound very bitter, Anonymous. It seems to me like you got burned, and are blaming women as a whole for it.

  30. Anonymous says:

    I find it interesting that women who have filed for divorce, ignored thousands of “nice guys” all their lives, and given the best of their youth to bad boys, think that they deserve a third, fourth, and fifth chance at finding a partner as they get old and overweight. Serious entitlement issues. You've already screwed up the opportunities you had when you were young and pretty, so why would a successful guy want you now? We can have our pick of the 20-somethings, because, just like you when you were young and beautiful, these girls want to date older, wealthier men. They won't give their male equals the time of day. I say it's just desserts that older women have trouble meeting quality men. You have all probably broken at least one home, and broken a dozen hearts. Many of you are probably raising children as a single mother, which no guy in his right mind would want any part of.

    But you didn't think all that capricious, rotten behavior towards men would ever come back on you, did you?

  31. Anonymous says:

    There a few NYC bars where I've had pleasant conversations with heterosexual guys, and they're at the Yale Club, JFK airport and Avery Fisher Hall (the bar at Arpeggio; don't bother with the coffee place on the other side of the lobby).

    If you go to a wine tasting, the most approachable guy is one of the salesmen. Order a case from him, get his name and ask his colleagues what his romantic situation is. This worked for a friend of mine and she and the salesman are now happily married.

    Also, I find that guys who frequent the library are less shy than the ones at the bookstore, and yes, I'm talking about normal types who bathe regularly. I always get a comment on the DVDs or books I have at the check out line.

    Of course, all this attention materialized only after I found a boyfriend.

    Anyway, good luck to you.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I too am in the same situation. However, I'm a city girl that has moved to a rural area. I tried dance class, I ended up dancing with the female instructor (no men attended class) As for gun shows and Sports Bars, the men wear John Deer caps and chew. Any other suggestions? I'm single and at the wonderful age of 52

  33. Debbie says:

    I'm so glad I found this site. I to have wonder the same thing. I'm a older woman.I have been out to bars,it ok But. This post has put the spot light on the older person trying to meet mature adults. i'm glad I'm not alone. After my last relationship end after two years. He tell me,”oh I want to have a open relationship with you.” So you know what I was thinking.LOL. I'm now alone again. But this time I will take some of the advice here.

  34. Anonymous says:

    A woman's beauty (in the eyes of a man) begins a *very* steep decline at 25 (or, a lot of the time, 22).

    Why would a good man choose you over a younger woman? Remember, men value beauty above almost everything.

  35. Anonymous says:


  36. DocRambo says:

    Want to meet guys, older, mature, with good jobs, money in the bank, etc….etc..? Try Golf, as above, or take up some of the shooting sports–women do great at pistol competitions, and are really good at all types of marksmanship. Go to a gun show and see what a variety of folks you can meet. Both golf and the shooting sports require significan investment of time and money and you will not find low lifes involved in them. (Not an absolute, but a good generalization.)

  37. Miriam123 says:




    Why am I repeating myself? Because it's such good advice.

    And if you can't find a group among the thousands hosted on Meetup, start one of your own – It's easy. Or better yet, do both!


  38. Anonymous says:

    Don't laugh but try the bowling ally. Moonlight/blackout bowling is usually on Saturday night. Take your girl friend with you and if they are busy you will have to share an ally. Go early for a few drinks at the bar and re-plan by scouting for two or three guys that you can request to be paired up with later. Drinks, guys, and a fun night out is the worst that can happen. Wear a low cut top showing some cleavage and I'll guarantee you be will throwing strikes. BTW, I'm a male.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Ms. Anonymous says: Try meetup.com for groups in your area. Larger cities usually have many different groups (with a variety of interests) and I have found this is a great venue to meet new people!

  40. Anonymous says:

    If you don't want to invest too much time or advance prep, try hotel bars on a week-night. The business travelers are usually alone, but will not be there over the weekend.

  41. Jana says:

    I am quite thrilled to discover your blog. I was contemplating the label spinster the other evening while walking my dog. I decided I didn't like the negative connotation but I love how you've put the positive spin on it!
    Being single is how my life has turned out, not how I intended it. That being said, I can't say that I am unhappy in my life at all. I love the freedom it offers me. I have always been very independent so I guess it was a natural fit!
    Where do single women hang out who are not in their 30's any more? With their other single friends in a restaurant lounge, having a great time!

  42. Anonymous says:

    When men ask “Where is a good place to meet women?” we are solemnly assured that it's possible meet women “anywhere”.

  43. Missy says:

    I'm close to 40-ish and have met men at sporting events, church, support classes (like Divorce Care), concerts, dinner and the grocery store. The most likely is where there is a shared interest like church or a concert.

    Recently, I was introduced to a man through mutual friends and getting together with others in groups is ideal.

    Hiking, historical tours, etc. are things I enjoy which are often pathways to meet others for friendship.

  44. brother-john says:

    Check out your local pool rooms. They're not like the pool rooms you see in the movies. The men to woman ratio is well in your favor. Go in an play a few games with your friend(s) and see what happens.
    ps. It doesn't matter if you can play or not. Beginners have more fun at pool than serious players and men are attracted to women that look like they are having fun.

  45. Anonymous says:

    take up golf ladies, the guys are out golfing.

  46. Peter says:

    Well, it depends on your interests. Like dogs” Try places like PetSmart, you'll have the chance to meet pets and their “owners”. This time of year, try a political campaign, preferably Congresscritter or local.

    As someone mentioned before, the VFW or American Legion. The church of your choice. The classes at the Home Depot.

    Try the supermarket, you can pretty much tell the bachelers by the ontents of their carts. Ask for help getting something off the top shelf for a conversation starter.

    We want to meet you just as badly, if not more so. We have been burned so often by the new rules, or lack thereof, that we are often afraid to say hello.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Wine bars. Piano Bars. Jazz Clubs. That's where I'm at, anyway…

  48. El Duderino says:

    Community theater? Wine tasting events? Dios mio man, she's trying to flirt with a man not find a new hairdresser. If it's any consolation the few single guys I know have the same problem.
    Adult education courses that require interaction are probably a good bet.

  49. docweasel says:

    I would say find a place with a live band, if you can find one these days, because our generation appreciates live music, and that's the guys you'll find there.

    In fact, that's why there _are_ so few places (relatively, ymmv in your town) with live music: the younger generation doesn't play, so they don't care about live music. When I was a kid _everyone_ was in a band, and if you play, you appreciate musicianship. Kids today, this is just my opinion, dont' want to put in the insane amount of time it takes to get good enough to play professionally, even on the local bar circuit. They'll put in thousands of hours playing Tour of Duty, but not playing guitar or drums. That, and the American Idol gen doesn't want to be an audience, they want “hey, look at me!” – they'd rather go sing karaoke or dance to a dj playing hip-hop than see a live band. There just arent' enough older people around to support a scene without the young people, who were the backbone of the crowd when the Tampa scene was in it's prime.

    I know there are exceptions, before I get flamed, but the it's not like it used to be, and that's why there are so few clubs with live music, and that's why this lovely girl can't find a cool place to hang out with nice guys her age. Find such, and you'll find a place to hang, even if it's just one guy with an acoustic guitar (if he's any good and doesn't play jimmy buffet).

  50. Anonymous says:

    try a church!!

  51. Timothy says:

    Might also look into your local American Legion or Veteran of Foreign Wars clubs if you're looking for watering holes with older men. Membership is required, but one of the members will likely sponsor you as a guest. Some also offer public business lunches.

  52. Pat says:

    Volunteer at a community theatre. Such theatres are always in need of people to help out with set construction, finding props, sewing costumes, ushering, selling concessions, and working backstage as dressers, stagehands, props crew, light board/spotlight operators, or sound operators.

    If you have no experience with any of those things, they will welcome you with open arms and train you. You'll have fun, make lots of friends of all ages, and find plenty of opportunities to socialize (cast parties, tech and strike dinners, after-show excursions to the local hangouts, and so forth). My theatre is holding a volunteer appreciation luau next weekend, and I already have my Hawaiian shirt picked out! (I'm 52 years old.)

  53. Anonymous says:

    Find a karaoke show.

  54. Ray says:

    Give me a call, Pennsylvania 6 5000

  55. Tiny Bunch says:

    Second the dance class idea. I've met more people swing dancing that any time in my life other than possibly high school.

  56. Please, don't start with eHarmony.

    I wrote this review years ago but I strongly suspect it is still one of the best descriptions of the service and its level of greed around:


    I have tried to create some matching services but none of them have worked. I think the best one around today is OKCupid, which is free.

    Hope that helps.


  57. Anonymous says:

    The gym or sporting events are also options. I am 35 and single and wondering the same thing. I met a few guys in a church group, too. I love your blog and am trying to get back to the happy, single self I love. 2011 was a very hard year.

  58. Sandy says:

    In the summer, there are a lot more options (festivals, art shows, winery events, etc) but winter is darned hard. Where DO you go? I am considering eHarmony as a start to get my feet wet – but socializing to meet in the first place has me completely stumped, as well.

  59. Michael Ann says:

    I was just wondering this myself!! As you know…I'm on the path to divorce, which is one reason I joined your site. It is in my future and one of the things that freaks me out is how I am I going to find anyone to date? I'm 47. Wine bars, that is a good idea. And yes, in the summer there are more options. I guess. Or through friends?

  60. Anonymous says:

    I find Jazz lounges and Wine bars tend to have people our age. Another good place would be a sports bar.

  61. Darlene says:

    I would take a dance class (Salsa, Hand Dance, Two Step, Country) what ever is your pleasure. That way you meet new people and then you learn where it is that these mature adults go to socially gather and dance. 🙂

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