Why I Love My Ex-es

IMG_1368Twice in the past month I had the opportunity to spend time with two of my ex-boyfriends. Both times, afterwards, I was struck with how much I enjoyed them and  lovely it was.


A dear, married-for-20-years friend has always teased me about  how weird she thinks it is that I have remained friends with all my exes. It isn’t true that I’m friends with all of them –there’s 1-2 that turn my stomach– but, for the most part, I am friendly with most of them. It’s nice. And it works for me.


Here’s whatI like about it:


-I appreciate the company of a man. They’re different from my girlfriends in ways that are good and ways that I still don’t always get, but that difference is what makes it interesting.


-We know each other well…or as well as a man can know a woman.  🙂  We’ve shared many intimate moments (not just the physical kind) and we’ve seen each other at our best and worst. There’s no pretense, so it’s comfortable.


-Since we’re just friends now, and no longer dating (and no longer “doing it”), I get to el and davefocus on the good things about them, those things that drew me to them in the first place. And when they start to bug me, I can say “good night”. I get to shut out the other sides of them that are the reasons we broke up in the first place.


-I know who’s good for what. When I need someone to hang with me –escort me to yet another gala, or see a movie, or go to a concert –I know who likes what, so I know exactly who to invite and who not. (When you’re dating, he has to go with you whether he wants to or not, which doesn’t always work out so well).


IMG_0416 - Version 2Sometimes it can get tricky when he’s married or has a steady girlfriend. I know that it’s innocent and strictly platonic, but that’s a hard thing to convince her of. And I get it. I’m not sure how I’d feel if my (presently non-existent) boyfriend was spending time with his ex.

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7 Responses to Why I Love My Ex-es

  1. Molly S says:

    I’m married and I’m still friends with a couple of my ex-es.
    It doesn’t feel weird at all. I liked them enough to date them, but just didn’t want it to be permanent, but they’re still good people.

  2. Dana says:

    I’m still friends with a few of my exes. Two of them have turned into close friends. Admittedly, I dated them a LONG time ago for only brief periods…

  3. Lauren says:

    I find it fascinating. Its nice, too. I barely know the whereabouts of most exes.

  4. Janet says:

    I understand every word you said!!! People think I’m weird, but I don’t care. My 87 yr old parents think there’s something wrong with me because I’ve been single 22 years after a 17 year marriage. I love my life, but few people get it. Oh well, what ya gonna do.


  5. SM says:

    Lovely !!!

  6. i0l says:

    One interesting thing I heard …. that with the advent of the internet many older adults are going online and reconnecting with past boyfriends/girlfriends or former spouses that they divorced, and actually reconnect and end up marrying them !! They don’t have the stressed lifestyle that they lived when they were younger ….. in older age they are more settled and fewer stresses etc.

    I wonder whether this will happen to you if they ever divorce their wives??!!! 😉

  7. Beth O'Donnell says:

    I played 9 holes of golf with my high school sweetheart yesterday. Last thing we said before getting in our cars to go to our respective homes, “I love you.” It’s true and sincere. We stayed friends after the break-up (at 19!) though we lost touch when I moved out of town. We haven’t been in touch continuously but since I moved back to Philly 10 years ago, we see each other when I have a plumbing emergency (he’s a master plumber) or to golf.

    He’s been married for about 25 years. I’ve only met his wife a few times. I am sure she isn’t jealous, and she has no reason to be. He adores her. But yes, he still loves me and I will always love him.

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