Aaaargh!  Airport travel can be such a pain…all in the name of keeping us safe.  When the 9/11 Terrorist Attack first hit, I had to travel the following week for business.  I remember thinking:  ”I don’t care what rules the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) comes up with; I’ll do anything they want, as long as it keeps us safe.”  And I meant it.

But here we are 10+ years later and when I think of going through an airport security line, my eyes glaze over.  Of course, I still want us all to be safe, but I can’t help but think, sometimes, that successfully passing through security unscathed (unsearched, un-patted-down) is more of a challenge than it needs to be.

At many airports,  we now have the choice of being felt up or posing for a semi-pornographic pic.  I exaggerate, but that’s the kind of language used by some people who protest these procedures.  I actually don’t think it’s that bad… but then, I’ve been accused of having mildly exhibitionist tendencies.

The Basics are pretty much the same at all U.S. airports:

• Shoes, scarves, jackets, big sweaters and other outerwear off.  Recently, the shoes-off thing was relaxed for children under 12, so that’s nice for parents traveling with their kids.  And nice for us who might be behind them in line while they use up precious time struggling to get them off and then back on.

• Sometimes watches and jewelry have to come off , but not always, which is annoying—I never know if this particular watch or bracelet will cause a beep at this particular airport until I try it.  (Or I could just take it off.)

It’s the rules that are slightly different at every airport that make me worry that I’m going to get it wrong.   I’m sure this is a good thing because it makes it harder for the bad guys to figure out the system.

Recently, I was at O’Hare Airport in Chicago.  One of the countries busiest airports.  It seemed we had the choice of the regular screening machine or the enhanced one that makes you look almost naked.  I say “choice,” but I don’t really think it was up to us.   In addition, some lucky folks—they say it’s random—also had the opportunity for an enhanced pat-down.  The first time I had one of those,  it startled me a bit, but not in a bad way.  I thought the security chick was getting a little too familiar; she lightly ran her hands between my breasts, brushed against my butt and even quickly between my legs (or so it seemed).  It was almost funny.  Anyway, she was friendly and very professional, but I didn’t quite know what to make of it.  For a split second it almost felt kinda nice, too, like a bad, clumsy first date.

I’ve come to think of myself as a “pro” at getting through security without being stopped, so if you’re planning to join the millions of other folks who will be traveling this holiday season, here are a few things you can do to make it less painful.  These tips won’t make the plane take off on time, but they might get you through the security check faster.

You’ll want to plan your travel outfit carefully.  In general, the simpler (and lighter weight), the better.  The goal is to be the kind of traveler you wouldn’t mind being behind in the security line.

Clothing
I prefer clothing without a waistband, so I tend toward dresses more so than skirts or pants.  For the pat-down, the fewer hiding places, the better.  I prefer jersey knit dresses because they travel well: they don’t wrinkle and they look good, skimming the body “just so.”  And Mr./Ms. TSA  won’t have to dig around to see if  I’ve got any contraband tucked in the waist.

If not a dress, I choose leggings because they’re comfy on the plane.  But it matters what I wear with them.  I usually choose a T-shirt and long cardigan (which has to come off).   If I choose a tunic, it’s something simple (see dress recommendations above).

When I opt for pants or a skirt, I choose one that doesn’t need a belt because it’s just one more thing to remove, slowing things down.

Footwear
In summer I prefer flip-flops, but at this time of year I usually choose slip-ons: pumps, loafers, or ballerina flats.  Boots with zippers are also fine, but this is not the time to go trotting out the lace-up thigh-highs.  (Pack them if you think you’ll need them).  Avoid any shoe that has to be tied.  Pull-on boots are a no-no as well—you may think they’re easy, but in reality they take way too long.

Legwear
For me, it’s barefoot or tights—I just don’t like socks. But I can’t think of a good reason you shouldn’t wear them, so go ahead if you must.

Undergarments
I always wear underwire bras and they rarely set off the alarm, but I know a lot of women who say that theirs do.  If this has happened to you, maybe wear a bra without underwire. Do wear a bra though; no matter how much of a free spirit you are, you don’t want to make it that much fun for the guys behind the body scanner.

In my opinion, women should always wear cute underwear, but it’s especially important if you’re going to get a body scan.  Some might think the exact opposite, arguing that we should wear something unattractive so the scanner-viewer won’t get any cheap thrills.  But then, we don’t really know what turns him or her on, so I say:  Wear something you’d be proud to be seen in!  Personally, I like lacy boy-cut shorts.  If you’re modest, you might want to avoid a thong.

Jewelry
Chunky, clunky jewelry gets packed or stays home.  I keep travel jewelry

to a minimum, mostly because I’m afraid I’ll lose something.  (Wouldn’t you know it, I broke my own rule about two months ago and wore a beautiful bracelet I’d  bought in Paris; it beeped, I had to go back through, I put it in a bin and sent it through the machine . . . and that’s where I left it.  Didn’t remember until I was on the plane.)  So if there’s chance it can set off the machine, pack it.

Next Steps
At the airport, you’ll probably have at least some choice of security lines; pick the one that looks the least complicated.  Obviously, you’ll want to avoid getting behind the family with two-year-old triplets in strollers.  Teenagers, with their headphones, electronics, and sullen attitudes should also be avoided (here, and in life in general, is my philosophy).  Ideal: businessmen and -women; they do this all the time and know how to get through security quickly.  I’ve found that older travelers—say, in their 80s—aren’t bad, either; their clothing and travel gear are often straightforward and uncomplicated.

Now that you’ve worked your way through security, the next annoyance is deciding what to do about food . . . but that’s another article for another time. Here’s hoping happy and safe travels for us all.

What can you add to the above?  What tips can you share to make traveling during the holidays (or anytime, really), more pleasant?

I have a pretty good life: great relationships with my family and a fabulous circle of good friends, an active social life, good health, lots of travel, and I support charitable organizations with my money and time. I adore my 13-year-old Yorkie, Danny. Despite all this goodness, though, I still come across people who look at my life and feel sorry for me…because I’m not married.  (It happened again just the other day with a woman I met in the dentist’s office.)  And I don’t get it.

Marriage is not for everyone, and the high divorce rate corroborates this.  And the U.S. Census says that while only 28% of U.S. adults were unmarried in 1970, that percentage rose to 47% in 2010.  Plus, a 2011 study by the Pew Research Institute found that the number of U.S. adults who are unmarried is now 49%, a record high.  So, there’s a lot of single people out there, and I’m a little baffled why people act like being single is such a bad thing.  It’s not.

 

I’ve been single all my life.  In fact, I like the word spinster, though a lot of people don’t. I want them to get over it, because being single –a spinster—is just fine, and I’ve learned a few life lessons for making it work.  So, for those who still aren’t quite sure that “living single” can be really good, here’s a few things to think about:

1. Revel in Your Freedom. Being single, I’m not encumbered with many of the restrictions that come with having a husband and children.  My time and my money are my own and I can spend them however I want.  I love to travel and so I do.  I’ve traveled the U.S. and the world, and plan to continue doing so.  I can sleep in on the weekends.  I can dash out of the house at a moment’s notice –without looking for a babysitter or discussing it with my husband– if someone rings me up and says “join me”.

 

2. Have Adventure.  Pushing the “freedom” thing a bit, I recommend adventure…pushing the envelope…stepping out of your comfort zone from time to time. I want to make sure that I can look back at my life when I’m 90 and say “well done, girlie.” Being single means it’s okay to indulge in a few unconventional behaviors on occasion. I quit my corporate job and started my own company before I had a client, I found myself in the hotel room of an A-List actor, and I took off for a two-week trip to Europe alone after thinking about it for just a week. Had I not been single, these actions could have seemed a bit irresponsible.  Instead, they were just fun.

3. Use Birth Control.  This is an important one and nothing to be casual about. If you’re not  deliberately trying to change your spinster status by having a child, then be very careful. Otherwise, your new nickname could be “Mom”. And all those freedoms you used to have will disappear.

4. Don’t Re-Date the Jackass Ex-. Sometimes being single can get a little lonely. Then, we look around to see who’s available and the ex- starts to look a little better. Don’t do it though. It’s important to remember that this loneliness usually doesn’t last, and is often about something else going on in your life. Figure out what that is and deal with it, because if he was a jackass the first time around, he’s still one. I know this for a fact, so I’m saving you the trouble. A word to the wise should be sufficient.

(My book, The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree has more on this subject).

My hope is to remind every unmarried woman out there that her life should be celebrated. There is something empowering and rather brave about not marrying or having children if you’re not 100% sure. Admittedly, some single women wish they were married, but since they’re not at the moment, I’d like them to focus on what’s good in their lives. A spinster may or may not eventually marry but, in the meantime, she certainly owes herself a great life.

 

What are some of the life lessons you’ve learned that make being single work for you?

As soon as Labor Day is over, it seems the big holiday season is upon us.  And so the stress begins. Holidays can be challenging to just about everybody.  There are decisions to be made, plans put in place, and money to be spent.  And while this is true for everyone, many single people feel an extra layer of stress.

The holidays would be tough if I didn’t have a loving network of people around me.  I make it work. For example, I often host Thanksgiving for what I call my “straggler” friends:  it includes single people, those who can’t or don’t want to get with their family, people whose plans changed at the last minute, and couples without children.  (I have to draw the line somewhere).

 

The holidays get a bad rap, though, because they’re often quite good: there’s the feeling of festivity in the air, the parties, the gifts, the music, and catching up with people you like but haven’t seen in awhile.  And some things about being single are actually better during the holidays because we have more flexibility and fewer rules what what one is supposed to do.   Here are a few:

 

▪   You don’t have to get a tree. Trees are festive, but the needles, the watering, and the space it takes up –especially in a small apartment–…well, they’re a lot of work.  If you have kids and/or a husband, you might not be able to get away with not having a tree.  It would be way too bah humbug.  But when you’re single, you can be more creative.  Put up a wreath, buy a few poinsettias…and done!

 

▪   No baking or cooking.  And if you do, people make a very big deal about it.  “Wow, look at what the single lady pulled off!”

 

▪    And just as good, no one really expects you to send holiday cards.  These days, holiday photos of well-dressed children and/or children placed in really cool, interesting spots (at the family beach house, Macchu Picchu, etc) are the norm.  If you don’t have children, no need to send a card.  No postage, no paper waste, and no idea-generation on cute outfits or cool spots for the pictures.  If you’re married and don’t  send cards, you could be stricken from every card list, no matter how old or dear the friendship.  But as a single person, no one seems to mind.

▪       You don’t have to accompany the husband or kids to parties you don’t really want to go to.

▪   No in-laws to fight with or about.  This is always an issue with my married friends and they tell me this fight can get old really quickly…and yet it must be had every year.

 

 

As a single person,  it’s particularly important to nurture your relationships because I

really don’t think we’re necessarily supposed to go through life completely alone and that’s where good friends come in…during the holidays, and all the other days.  Don’t lose your mojo by dreading the holidays. Celebrate in a way that works for you!

What tips and tricks can you share for the Spinsterlicious audience  to really enjoy the holiday season…her way?   Happy Holidays!

 

is doing an editorial series on Beautiful Moments and I decided to participate.  There are so many deep, meaningful  moments in a life that are beautiful like, say, giving birth (which I haven’t done) or sharing a laugh with someone you love (which I have done)…but I decided to take a more lighthearted approach.  I thought about all the small moments in any given day that are beautiful and decided to write about those.  [Read one of the other blogger’s posts if you’re looking for something deep!   ]

 

 

Here are some of my favorite easy, breezy Beautiful Moments, that don’t take much effort:    

• Smelling good – I  don’t often wear perfume, but I love scented lotions that are part of a perfume line. After I shower and moisturize –and I’m going somewhere special (going to work doesn’t count)—I add a layer of one of my favorites.  I like smelling good and because I’m wearing a scented lotion which is not as fragrant as a perfume, sometimes I’m the only one who can smell it. Doing so always make me smile.

 

 

• Strappy sandals – They’re sexy and cute.  What’s not to like?

 

 

 

• Anything red – My favorite dress is bright red, my favorite lipstick is bright red, and I have a pair of red slingbacks that make any outfit pop.

 

 

• Holding a cocktail glass – There’s something about a stemmed cocktail glass that makes whatever’s in it taste better.

 

 

 

 

• Walking the dog early in the morning, looking a mess – I’m not wearing makeup, I probably have thrown on the clothes I wore the day before, I may not have brushed my teeth (!).  It’s just me and him with the sun barely up and it’s kind of pure and totally unaffected. Fortunately, I don’t have to walk the dog early most mornings.

 

 

 

• When running – My knees stopped cooperating so I don’t run anymore, but in my head, I still do.  It felt good, I looked good, and I loved looking at all the things in the Hudson River (living and dead) along the way.

 

• Pedicure – Pretty feet.  Actually, beautiful for longer than a moment

 

 

• Walking on the beach – There’s something about the ocean that’s so beautiful and powerful.  Being near the ocean is awesome in the original meaning of the word way (i.e., “wondrous, inspiring”), not the slangy way (i.e., as a substitute for “cute”.)

 

   Beautiful moments are, well, beautiful.  They are a lift and a gift. So, what else?  What are some of the small and easy, yet beautiful moments in your day?      

This post is part of BlogHer’s My Beautiful Moment editorial series, made possible by Olay.

I’ve been on more than a few bad dates in my lifetime, but I haven’t had a seriously bad date in a long time.  That’s because I’ve learned what to do…and what not to do. Here’s a few tips on how to cut your “oh no!” dates down to a minimum (and, of course, I’m assuming that the badness in the bad date is not your fault):

 

The Only Tip You Really Need

• Make the first date a short date.  Meet for coffee and dessert.  Or a drink.  The first date should last an hour.  You can tolerate anything for an hour, right?  If you like each other, you can always schedule another one for another day.

 

If you ignore the above tip and find yourself out on a good-date-gone-bad, first consider how bad it really is, on a scale of 1-10.  What you should do next depends on how you rate this date.  1 = I’m bored.  4 = Something’s not right (though I’m not sure what.)  7 = What a jerk. 10 = This guy is psycho.

1/I’m Bored

• If he’s a nice enough guy but just not that interesting, you should be pleasant about it.  Finish your food and drink quickly and start packing your belongings and refreshing your lipstick like it’s time to go.  He should get the hint.  If he doesn’t, yawn and comment on your early morning tomorrow.  The “yawn/early morning” thing also works if you’re at a party.  If it’s a movie or concert, you don’t have to talk to him much anyway, so just enjoy the event and vow to yourself that next time you’ll pay better attention to The Only Tip You Really Need.

 

4/Something’s Not Right… 

• I ignored my own “Only Tip You Really Need” and went to dinner with a new guy.  He took me to a supper club that puts on a Drag Queen Revue.  Everyone there –including all the Drag Queen Performers—knew him by name.  I thought this was an odd choice of venue, but decided not to be judgmental.  I kept pushing to the back of my mind the question as to why a supposedly straight guy was so well-known here.  The first show was quite enjoyable, though I was more concerned when we stayed for the second show.  He had an extreme amount of empathy for the performers who, he explained “had very difficult lives trying to reconcile their male and female sides”.  No doubt that it true.  I was a little alarmed at how passionate he was in making this argument.  I also was uncomfortable with how well the performers knew him and how much vamping they displayed toward him while they were on stage.  I decided to make the most of the evening and enjoyed the shows.  As soon as I could, I told him I was tired and thought we should leave.  I just never returned his call after that.  It was just too complicated.  I don’t know why he was so involved in this “community”, though I assumed he was grappling with his own sexuality.  At any rate, I didn’t feel he would give me an honest answer if I raised it.  So why bother?  Something wasn’t right…and I just went with me gut.

 

 

8/He’s a Jerk

• I had the misfortune to go on a date with a guy whose ex-wife happened to have the same birthday as mine.  Once he had that bit of information, he proceeded to tell me all the ways I was probably just like his ex- (“probably” because he didn’t really know me, but since we had the same birthday…).  At first, I tried to laugh it off and even made a joke about it, while gently reminding him of the universal “you shouldn’t talk about your ex- on a date” rule.  When that didn’t work, I tried changing the subject a few times.  That worked for the short-term, but he always found a way to sneak ex-wifey back into the mix.  So, I suggested we cut the date short.  With a sweet voice and a smile on my face, I pointed out that this clearly wasn’t going to be a love connection, thanked him for the evening, and wished him well.  When a guy is consistently behaving like a jerk despite your efforts to turn things around, honesty is the best policy. He might not be a bad guy, but he’s not on “good date behavior” and you don’t have to accept that.  If you’re not having a good time, politely cut your losses.  Say “good night”.

 

 

10/He’s a Psycho

• For most bad dates, I think two things: get out as soon as you can, but don’t make a scene about it.  If it’s a seriously bad date though, and he is clearly and probably intentionally being ugly, I think it’s fine to end it however you can.  I was at dinner with someone who I decided was mentally unstable.  I excused myself to go to the bathroom and kept walking…right out the front door.  Safety first.  (And, fortunately, he didn’t know where I lived).

 

But keep in mind, some bad dates are worth it for the laughs and great stories they make.  Plus, they make all your other dates seem even better.

I recently received the followed letter from a reader of The Spinsterlicious Life:

 

“I was just curious if you’ve ever touched on the subject of singles being invited to countless kids’ parties…when they don’t have kids of their own? I’m reminded of Carrie on the Sex & the City episode where she went to the kid’s party and someone stole her shoes and the hostess was mortified when Carrie asked to be reimbursed. I feel obligated to go to my cousin’s kid’s parties…but really don’t want to! I know I should take that up with her but I’m curious how others handle these situations.”

Yeah, being expected to attend the parties of your friends’ (and family’s) kids is one of the burdens the childfree must bear. Here’s what I think: I think the parents are confused. I think they think that because you love their kid that you want to come to their party. And that might be true if their kid was the only kid at the party. What they fail to take into consideration is that it’s a kids party…meaning there will be other kids there. Lots of ‘em. And that’s really the problem. The kind of person that chooses not to have kids is usually the kind of person who doesn’t want to hang around with a lot of other people’s kids. Why don’t parents know that?

 

Fortunately, most of my friends are pretty good about not forcing me to come to parties for their children. Every now and then one of them slips up, but I usually manage to have other plans… or the flu. If I can’t get out of it, here’s one tip: arriving late is easier than leaving early.

 

Just a few months ago, my favorite toddler turned one. Naturally, her parents had a big shindig planned. They invited me to her birthday party at a park with about 1000 other kids and their parents. Fortunately, they were kind enough to tell me I wasn’t really expected to come. (This is why I like them).

 

But I know the first birthday is an important one and she is my favorite toddler so I didn’t want to ignore this big event…I just didn’t want to go to her party. So, genius that I am, I came up with a better plan. I invited her and her parents over to my place for dinner and a mini-birthday party with just the four of us the day before the big event. (Five, if you count the dog). I think this was a brilliant idea: I was able to celebrate this milestone event without having to suffer through the real party.

 

 

So now, I –and Debbie, the letter writer—want to know how you manage. Do you feel obligated to go to the kids’ parties of your friends and family? What tips do you have for others on how to manage (or avoid) them?

 

I like the finished product, but not the necessary work to get there.  What I mean by this is that I want to look good, but I don’t really like the beautifying process.  I like things easy.  So, the theme for this week’s Fab Friday Favorites is Lazy Beauty…short-cutting the process to looking good.

 

Hair

I don’t like going to the hairdresser.  I have my hair done at Mane Advocates…but not nearly often enough.  Tamara constantly reminds me that I should, at minimum, come in every 6-8 weeks for a trim.  When I couldn’t seem to do that, she lowered it to every 3 months.  I can’t seem to do that either.  I love the way she does my hair, and my not going has nothing to do with her.  It has everything to do with the fact that it takes too long.  For me, “too long” is an hour.  I get restless.  So, on the recommendation of a friend, I bought a wig from Hadiiya Barbel.  I don’t wear it all the time, but I like having it available on bad hair days.  Days that say “it’s probably time for color and a trim…or maybe just a wash and conditioning”, but I’m stalling.  Yet, I don’t want to scare anybody. Those are the days I slap on my wig and just go.

 

Eyes

Lately, I’ve fallen in love with false eyelashes.  I love the way they look, all thick and long and lush.  (That is, if I put them on right.  When I don’t get them quite right, I look drunk…or crazy.)  A friend gave me a $15.00 pair of Eve Pearl lashes, which I’m waiting for a super special occasion to wear.  Most days, I wear really inexpensive ones –either Andrea ($2.99) or Revlon ($5.99). Anyway, there’s not enough coats of mascara that can make my eyes look as lovely as they do when I’m wearing the “falsies.”   Plus, as part of my lazy beauty routine, I don’t take them off at night.  I sleep in them and wash around them when I wash my face so they’ll stay on for several days.  I don’t know if I’m supposed to do that…

 

Nails

I rarely get manicures because I don’t know how to take care of them.  I don’t care where I have them done or how much I pay for them, my nails are chipped by day 3.  So, years ago, I just stopped getting them.  But I like the look of a well-manicured hand.  Recently, fake nails have come into vogue again.  I was one of the first in line to buy them, after I received a free sample of imPress Nails.    They’re a new-and-improved version of Lee Press-on Nails popular ‘back in the day’.  I became a fan right away.  I can give myself a “manicure” with them in 15 minutes.  And they last a week.  Sometimes they’re a little rough around the edges and the tips need serious filing, but that’s not a big deal.  I’ve also tried Sally Hansen’s Salon Effects.  They’re not as easy to put on as imPress Nails are, they don’t have enough sizes to fit my nails, and they started chipping the next day so I’m still in search of a back-up fake nails brand.  A good fake nail is  easier and lasts longer on me than any salon manicure.  That’s what I like.

 

Lazy Beauty is good!  But let’s not stop here:  what lazy beauty tricks and tips can you share with us?

 

The New York Times recently ran an article that explored the concept of  renewable marriage contracts, meaning a marriage would “expire” after 5 years or 20 years or whatever the term would be and at the end of the term the couple was free to walk away or renew their marriage.  The gist of the article is that marriage is changing: people are getting married later in life and many are choosing not to marry at all; the divorce rate is high, and some are wondering whether marriage is becoming obsolete or, at least undergoing an overhaul.

 

The article talks about the idea of a marriage contract with an expiration date as merely acknowledging the truth that many marriages just don’t work.   Dr. Virginia Rutter of Framingham University in Massachusetts believes in “eliminating the fantasy of marriage.”

 

So it got me to thinking whether I would have been more inclined to marry one (or some) of my exes, if I had to do it for only 5 years…maybe 10.  I kinda think so.  The main reason I never married any of the guys who wanted to marry me is that it didn’t really feel like forever to me.  But if it was only going to be for a few years, well, that might have been a little more do-able.

 

So, I ask my married/divorced/widowed readers for their thoughts on this.  How would your marriage have been impacted if you entered it not with the ’til death do us part assumption, but with an expiration date, let’s say 15 years?

 

And to the spinsters like me, what are your thoughts?  Would a marriage contract with term limits make getting married easier, harder, or wouldn’t matter?

 

 

 

 

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