Last week I received an interesting email from a reader about some of the dynamics behind being childfree. She has observed that women who have chosen to be childfree often feel the need to profess how much they love and enjoy kids, but that they just don’t want any. Her question was: “Where are all the women who actually don’t like kids? I can’t be the only one.” She went on to say, “There seems to be a belief that not liking kids = bad person. The fact that I have a college degree, have been gainfully employed since high school, volunteer to feed the hungry at Thanksgiving…all of it is brushed aside as meaningless because I don’t like kids. I also wouldn’t want an elephant, because it doesn’t fit into my lifestyle.”
I’m sure she’s not the only one who doesn’t like kids, either. I’ve come across a few. I’ve actually uttered those words myself, usually half-jokingly. Half-jokingly because there are lots of kids I do like…just not all of them. Since I don’t really have a strong opinion about this, I thought it would be great for her to write a guest post on this very topic.
Here’s what Nissa has to say:
I recently attended the baby shower of a friend I’ve had for over a decade. As I struggled to smile through the “pass the diaper” game while kids ran in and out of the room, I could see that I was the only one who was uncomfortable. The others cheerfully spoke over the banging of the toys, the shrieking, and the drone of the kids’ video. I had to fight a desire to run to my car and drive to my peaceful post-divorce, childfree home.
This wasn’t always the case. In spite of all the realistic career, financial, environmental and overpopulation reasons to not have children, I grew up thinking I’d be like everyone else. I did get married. However, when I spent time around my friends’ kids I noticed….it wasn’t fun. I wasn’t having that “oh aren’t they cute” feeling. The feeling I got was, “no thanks, I think I’ll pass” and “how soon can I leave?”
When I mentioned this to people, they comforted me by saying “Oh, just have them – you’ll feel different when they are your own….I hate other people’s kids but I love mine”. Everyone spoke about how wonderful they are – sweet, cute, how everything is new to them, how it makes you appreciate life.
What worried me about this scenario was that babies are permanent. It’s not like a dress that I could return if it just wasn’t working for me. Maybe I just needed to try on a baby before buying?
Being an auntie seemed like a good compromise. You know, enjoy all the good parts and then reap the financial benefits of being childless. So I tried. I spent time with babies, with little kids and bigger kids, with ADD kids and “good kids”.
But the more I tried, the less I enjoyed them. I didn’t find babies cute – they were just uninteresting. I didn’t enjoy the crying, the smells and the random smears of what might be chocolate or poop. With the older kids, the sweetness that sometimes surfaced was quickly drowned out by the mood swings from happy to angry to tears every 10 minutes. The wonder of all-things-new was swamped by the incessant noise of toys, TV and questions about everything under the sun. Conversations, shopping trips or a visit to the bathroom were punctuated with interruptions, disagreements and whining.
My experiences with other people’s kids proved to me I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy being responsible for someone else’s entertainment, feeding needs, bathroom needs and emotional needs. The good parts did not come anywhere near compensating me for what I was giving up to be with them.
In the end, I just didn’t like them. I far prefer quiet, order and predictability. I enjoy offering my gifts of love, nurturing and compassion to adults, who are often in need of those very gifts.
So technically, children have made me appreciate life…the life I have without them.
Interesting…provocative…well-said. Comments?
I’m so sick and tired of the ignorance of ppl talking about their “carbon footprint” the only carbon footprint there is in the world is if you were walking around outside and tracked some carbon onto the carpet.
My wife and I have been married for 3 years. She has 2 “adult” children from a previous marriage, and they also have young children. I know this is going to sound crazy but, every time one of the grand kids coughs, sneezes, farts etc., her damn cellphone rings. After saying that, let me also add that my wife’s son is 30 and her daughter is 28. Now, back to the story. I told my wife, even before our, first date, that I didn’t have children and that I didn’t want or need any. My wife calls these two grown children EVERY night of our lives, just to say “good night and I love you”. She has spent our entire time together trying to convince me of how great these children are and how great it is to be a parent and a grandparent. And now the ending, as of yesterday, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be married to her and the family. I realize that I have wasted these past few years on someone that I truly and deeply love but, nothing will and nothing can bring the time back.
I am not fond of children, can take or leave them although I prefer the latter. Here is my misanthropic glitch… I resent people having children.
I hate their giant strollers in the grocery store, and their excuses for allowances never offered to me because “they have kids.” Well i have a life too, it just hasn’t involved me pumping a human out an orifice. They get a tax break because they bred? WTF? I have to take vacation time to take my cat to the vet, but if little Joey’s sick it’s natural to use sick leave. I pay taxes for schools and that’s fine, I would rather have an educated population… but people don’t seem to be very educated as they are breeding like crazy and fail to correlate that a majority of world ills come from overpopulation.
Here’s a blasphemous thought, I think there should be a tax for having children. After all breeders use more resources and require more services. People may think their child is so very precious, I just see big noisy carbon footprints in a SUV size stroller.
See your friends out on your terms: at a more expensive restaurant, when the kids will be in bed or visit their houses after they put their darlings to sleep. I love my friends, but not necesssarily their kids.
I dont like kids. there I said it. Always have to be making excuses when people ask me why my husband and I don’t have children and we have been together for 10 years, I am 33 now, when my friends ask me when I am going to have children I always answer with a vague, “later” but the truth is we are both perfectly happy and fine without kids and have never and will never have the intention of having kids. We love animals though and have quite a lot of them. I don’t understand why people feel is an obligation to want to have kids. I never had the want for it, I dont see why I would want to spend more and have a complicated life when I can have my life which I perfectly love and feel fine with. And we really are not bad people but people always seem to think there is this hidden explanation why you would not want kids… The reason is really very simple for me. I just dont like them. There I said it. Thanks for the post.
I feel the same way, I dont have any children and a friend of mine asked what are you going to do when you are old ? Dont you want someone to take care of you? I said I dont think that is a good reason to have children and who knows what the future holds. People always ask how many children do I have and when I say none they ask why. I am so tired of that question. I have always been told how great I am with children even more so than alot of my friends and that I should have some at least one. I want to say leave me alone about my personal bussiness. I didnt tell you that you would be a bad parent and your kids would be brats. It is so nice to know there are others I feel alone and weird when ever the baby subject gets brought up. THANKS.
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What a relief to find this website – I completely agree with this post. I never thought I wanted kids, but I’ve felt a lot of pressure from others now that I’m in my late 30s. I stressed about it so much. I knew I didn’t want them now but feared I might regret not having them. Ultimately decided that’s not a good enough reason to have them! And what a relief to finally accept my own decision! I strongly disagree with all the parents who say having kids is the meaning of life. Surely we are more than breeders. Great post, thank you!
Ive been reading a lot about introversion vs extoversion and, as a very introverted person who never wanted to have kids, I think there’s a connection. First I want to say Im sure there are extroverts who dont want kids. But as an introvert I understand that quiet and peace are utterly important for me. Lots of external stimulation is extremely draining and it takes a lot of quiet to recharge. When do you get that with children? Loud noise, chaos, hyperactivity, bashing stuff, toys that buzz and beep, screaming tantrums, crying jags, even peels of delight are so exhausting that I can only get through so much and then I need a quiet room and a book….and a merlot. My liver would fall out if I was exposed to that in my own home every minute of every day.
In this society introversion is treated like it’s wrong, a malady. It’s not shyness, it’s not lacking in social skills, it’s being wired differently physiologically. Anyway, I can tell you that all the noise, the constancy of it all, the not making any sense….it’s absolutely why I never had children, hated the times I was forced to babysit and dread my friend coming to visit with her child. Oh god….my house, my pets, my aching eardrums…. People treat childless people like they treat introverts…like it’s wrong, abnormal, fixable.
Now…how do I get my friend to not bring junior over to visit!
Hey yur so right. Ppl call me selfish cuz of my attitute towards children. It may seem harsh but i hate kids voices toys and havinv to interact with them. Everything they do seem to annoy me. thats y i distance myself from kids and i will never have one of my own. why do ppl see this as a problem some ppl are jus not fit for kids and im def one of them.
I feel so much better now that ive read this article. Im 30 and i strongly dislike children. Im selfish and i love to sleep. I hate having to wake up to a crying child, having to feed and cloth him or her. I love my freedom and not havi.g responbilites of caring for a child. My nerves gets bad when im around a child. Having to put up with their behavior at home, school, or in public places. Having to put myself second when it comes to things i want. I just broke up with my girlfriend because she has 3 kids. She’s not able to spend time with me nor jus get up and go anywhere. I know it seems horrible but i never seem to get attached to children or think any of their actions is cute. I hate hearing their voices. And i love to sleep and i hate havin to get up to tend to kids. Kids are pointless in my life i jus enjoy peace and quietness way to much. I hate when i play my ps3 they bug me to let themplay or i cant watch tv cuz they want the channel on cartoons. Bottom line i hate kids and i jus relize its no hope for me. So from now on i cant date anyone who has children
I, too, do not like kids – I don’t have the patience for them. Further, I don’t eve like carrying around a purse so I cannot imagine toting a child everywhere I go. And whenever I’m met with comments like, “you’d be a great mom,” or “it’s different when they’re you own,” I just want to reply with, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME! And stop trying to force your lifestyle on me!” No, not every woman wants or needs kids and not every woman would “be a great mom.” To confirm this statement, let me remind the baby-pushers of the world of a few women who should have never given birth: Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Casy Anthony, and Diane Downs. So the next time a woman says she never wants kids, smile and reply, “good for you.”
just curious.. why would someone who loves having kids and everything about them show up here on such a site? not being facisious but honestly just curious…
47 and never had children for many reasons. Yes I am selfish and do not care to give up any aspects of my life to creating little monsters that grow up to be unappreciative human beings.
I currently have a relationship with a man that has two boys part time and I can barely tolerate it. Even though they are 14 and 16 I feel no sense of enjoyment when they are here. i
Yikes! So glad this thread is out there! I have made it to 51 without EVER having changed a diaper and I have no intention of breaking my record. FWIW, I agree that mostly it’s a case of the parents: parents who make their kids the center of the universe, parents who don’t set boundaries, parents who create entitled, spoiled brats. What 12 year old should be able to interrupt a conversation incessantly? Or what 10 year old should be allowed to throw a hissy fit for losing at a board game when he’d gloat if he were winning? Uterine Borne Parasites. My boyfriend has two and they he treats them as if they were guests in his home (every other weekend and every Monday), waits on them hand and foot. No responsibilities. No objectivity when it comes to one’s one kids I guess. I won’t be able to hang much longer.
same! my bf waits on them hand and foot.. they are lazy spoiled kids.. I’ve been with him and them for 7 years… He wants to get them full time and that will be the day I put my walking boots on… nope.. I’m not getting any younger and will not give up my life to them.
Beautiful! I am currently holed up in my room at my in-laws, hiding out from 2 little darlings who showed up unannounced today for a weekend visit. An entire weekend. I hate the fact that no matter what I say, they try to feed my dog food that could kill him, run around banging on the walls and yelling, and leave stinking messes everywhere. I also hate the permanent stickiness that oozes from their hands. I do not like children. I never have liked children. I hated kids when I was a child for the same reason as I do now: the smells, the noises, the chaos. Now that I can’t be legally bound to be around them, it seems the more I try to avoid them or ignore them, the more someone wants to shove them in my face. (“Here! The product of my loins! Look at it. LOOK AT IT!”)
I’ve noticed that some of the stores around here are starting to put “Customers with Children” parking in prime spots. I’d like one for “Customers Who are Annoyed by the Very Sight of Children Behaving Badly and Want to Get the Hell Out of Here ASAP.” Until then, I still plan to nab the spot when it strikes my fancy. People with actual physical issues should get more of the close parking, anyway. Having children is not a handicap, although it is often (OFTEN) a mistake.
The spots for people with small children are necessary. I, personally, am unsure of my desire for children, but the people with kids really do need those spots. I have a good number of cousins, and when I go shopping with them, those places are a lifesaver. If you had a squirming brat and a few bags in your arms, you’d agee that the spots are truly r required. Don’t make someone carry a brat any father than absolutely necessary. Please don’t steal the spots.
I will now make it a point to seek, park and laugh maniacally as i walk into the store. If you don’t want to carry your brat it is sooooo not my problem.
Do people with children EVER walk?
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Geez I’m so glad I googled “I don’t like kids.” I feel better about myself now. I needed to hear from other people with the same feelings. I used to (and actually still do) love dolls. Used to love kids and babysit and want my own. Then, I grew up. I don’t mean that rudely. It’s just my personal facts. I can’t stand when people “show you their” and wait for your googley reaction. I dont see what the big deal is. i will go googley for your pets though. I won’t bother rehashing the post, but I feel it and thank you!
To Nissa! Finally, who understands! I don’t like children. I cannot stand them. I hate being around them, I hate holding babies and I don’t think they’re cute. Even as a child, I didn’t like babies. As to the person above who said people who don’t like kids, don’t like people, I don’t see it as being the same thing…although there are a lot of people out there that act like full grown children (and those I can’t stand).
Thank you men and women for this website! Now I know that I am not the only human being in society that feels this way. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful mother with two kids and this relationship is really taking it’s toll because of our differences.
Although I will admit that my father was abusive with me during my upbringing; I still believe that this is not the reason why I dislike kids & don’t have any kids of my own.. As much as I try to force myself to be a part of the family I am the way I am, her kids know it and I am starting to recent them for ruining our relationship. I do love them, but they do annoy me most of the time. The are 13 (boy) and 15 (girl), know that I am not affectionate and that they wouldn’t get away with half of the things they get away with if I was the father. They do get good grades in school therefore the mother lets them get away with the misbehaving must of the time.
She is a divorced single mother that somewhat despises her ex-husband for cheating on her. She doesn’t admit it, but believes that every man is a “player” and does not trust anyone, this is also part of the problem. As much as I can understand her situation of having to raise her kids at a very young age, the father eventually excepted his responsibilities as a parent and has joint custody.
Why am I in this relationship you might ask? Because I met her at work and had never dated anyone with kids (she was my first). So no I didn’t know what I was getting myself into; I dislike when people say that, lol! I moved in with her and her kids 10 months after we began dating, figured since we lived so far away and we were always together that it was the best thing to do. It has been 2.2 yrs and I am starting to second guess my decision. I need some good advice from people that think alike…
Life can be miserable when you have no desire to have children. I have been made to feel that my lack of desire to have children or even be around them is a mental illness, or some type of genetic disorder. My sister is a single parent and i often help her out with her son, but I don’t enjoy it. As a child, i didn’t like other children, and did not like playing with dolls. All I wanted was to be an adult. Whenever I hit a milestone that led me (in my opinion) closer to adulthood, it was the best day of my life. I agree that baby showers are awkward, that children are no “miracle”, and pregnancy isnt cute. It seems trendy lately to have maternity pictures, and they make my stomach turn. I wish i could be happy for parents to be, but i just feel sorry for them, and angry that I cant be accepted as a person that doesnt want to reproduce as much as they want to.
Little children are lots of fun. Then they grow up. Having children these days is tough because of how difficult it is for them to get out on their own. My 24 year old son is moving to IOWA for God sake, just to get a good job. My 21 year old is an amazing musician/songwriter who may never leave. Uh having children is a big job and responsibility and at least half of the people you know think you are not doing it correctly. That being said…I love my son’s and all of the chaos the have brought into my life.is
I’m not clueless. I just found it sad that someone would say they flat out don’t like kids. I can express that and not be clueless. I am not a total kid person myself, but I don’t dislike the little tykes. We were all kids at one point. I remember once, years ago, my son was watching some kid show and I said something like, “Oh this movie is full of kids,” and I kind of frowned. He looked so hurt and asked me, “You don’t like kids?” So, that is my point of reference when I hear adults say that they don’t like children. In life we won’t all agree, and it does not hurt one bit when a commenter disagrees with the masses.
Absolutely, Smokie. We welcome all opinions…and a lively discourse of dissension keeps it interesting!
Like others, I much prefer animals over children. I don’t hate children, I am just uncomfortable around them because truthfully, I have only been around kids only as a child and very few times as an adult. That said, I still wouldn’t mind having one child but at my age that will not likely happen and I am perfectly happy being childless.
Love the article and the comments (except for clueless Smokie’s of course)! Thank you, ladies, for expressing the same thoughts and feelings I’ve had many times myself over the years. When I was married and people asked us when we were going to start having kids, you’d thought we were committing a felony by saying we were going to stay childfree! So many judgments and expectations in our culture, esp for women. And I’ve never liked kids – didn’t like babysitting as a kid, always preferred adults. And I do not attend baby showers, baptisms, or have friends with small children. Yawn. Getting pregnant and having a baby is NOT a miracle, just freakin’ biology! And I hate it when men say “WE’re having a baby.” Yeah, right! The biggest challenge I run into is with dating: sooo many men have kids, issues with custody and the ex(es), child support – and they’re often looking for the next “mommy” for their kid(s). Very frustrating trying to find a like-minded guy. So grateful for this website!
The pet comparison is a good one. With kids and dogs alike, you get what you raise. If you train them (and yes, you train a child) and are consistant in what you expect and how you react when you don’t get exactly that, other people won’t mind being around them. Bottom line.
I once heard it said that the only job of a parent is to teach their children that they are not the center of the universe and that other people matter. I couldn’t agree more. Children and dogs are born with the instinct to achieve self-contentment. It is up to their parents to teach them that what they want is not always a priority.
I’ve never been a fan either. I get my snuggling and nurturing fix from animals wanting to love and be loved. There are plenty of us happily child-free types around – we just keep quiet to avoid being shunned!
And Smokie’s response is the perfect example of why it is hard to admit you don’t like being around kids. People who don’t even know you judge you to be a bad person who can’t love.
Exactly!!
Hey Smokie: I disagree that saying you don’t like kids is the same as saying you don’t like people. I think the comments reflect the honest feelings of a number of women who chose not to have children. Although many posts were strongly worded, I think you’d agree that being honest about that the fact that you don’t want to be a mother and acting on that feeling rather than succumbing to family and societal pressure is a good thing.
It’s good to read a dissenting opinion though! It’s all part of the exchange.:-)
Wow. People can just say ANYTHING on the internet now. Don’t like kids and proud of it. SMH That’s like saying you don’t like people. Weren’t we created to love one another? How depressing.
I really enjoyed reading this post and the comments of other readers. I’ve often thought that I missed out on a lot by not having children, especially when I hear powerful women who’ve made significant contributions to the world state that they feel their most important contribution, and most fulfilling life experience, was being a mother. On the other hand, I too have observed this new generation of whining, ungrateful, and entitled kids being raised in this culture and I shudder to think what will happen to our society in the future as they grow up and take the reigns of power. Also, I have observed many girlfriends who, though married, have had to pretty much raise their kids on their own. For them, it seems that it was marriage that was overrated, as their husbands did not do their part financially, emotionally, or otherwise. Most of them are high-earning professionals who told me prior to getting married that they were certain they would have children whether or not they decided to wed. In retrospect, perhaps their husbands sensed this and decided they didn’t need to make an effort.
I’m one of those people who only likes her own kid! My daughter will be 16 in a few months. I never wanted kids (this one kinda snuck up on me) & I’ve made sure not to have another one! I always get questions about having more children & people are shocked to hear me say I don’t want another child. They are appalled to hear me say I look forward to when my soon-to-be-sixteen-year-old leaves! Don’t misunderstand me, I absolutely love my daughter, but I know I love her more now that she is capable of taking care of herself. Thankfully, she wasn’t a fussy baby, very easy going & I know I was lucky because I’ve heard many horror stories of inconsolable babies, but I didn’t enjoy her as much as I do now. I think about the greater amount of freedom I will gain when she goes off to college & I am not willing to give that up to raise another child. I have managed to date men who do not have kids & if I marry I expect my intended to not have nor want kids. People say I’m unrealistic, or, since I’m 34, I’ll change my mind. I know for certain kids are absolutely out of the question.
Kids are a pain in the arse. There, I said it.
I just realized yesterday that I really do love kids; it’s their parents that I can’t stand. I have friends and relatives that don’t want to do the hard work of parenting. It’s those kids that are difficult to be around. Good parents (and I do know a few) bring playmates for their kid so that they aren’t constantly bugging the adults for interaction. Good parents take their loud, squirmy kids out of restaurants and sit with them in the car. Good parents tote around books, games and toys so that their kids a have something to do during visits or wait times.
I figured out long ago that I was too selfish to devote my entire life to the job of parenting. And I won’t even being the discussion of co-parenting and the mom-dad-kid duties. I don’t say ‘selfish’ with shame. I knew it and I didn’t screw up by caving to social pressure and reproducing.
Kudos, Jane. You hit the nail right on the head. I for one love children. Always have, always will. I like animals, too, but I’d rather be around a child than a dog or cat anyday. No comparison to me.
You were so right Jane regarding the differentiation between good parents and not so good parents. It’s not the kids’ fault, I believe it’s the parents. They forget to raise them and let their little unhinged offspring run rampant, but still think you are suppose to shower them with admiration and praise just because they (the parents) worship them too. And I also never understood why parents take children places where there will be a long waiting time and never think to bring the kids something that will entertain them. And then these same parents annoy everyone else by yelling and threatening to beat the child because the kid is bored and now running rampant. Also,
I hate it when the child wants to play with another kid, the parent either act like their child is too cute or too smart to converse with other children, so this increase the child’s boredom and desire to run climb, annoy, etc. Note to parents: Please remember kids (yes, even your children) have short attention spans and get bored easily, so plan accordingly. No one else is responsible for your child’s entertainment.
I didn’t like being a kid, I think in part because I didn’t enjoy the world of children and wanted to be around adults. I like them a bit more now that I am old enough that I know I won’t have them.
I can totally relate. Kids are so irritating and annoying and loud. When I am at a mall or in a grocery store, I stay clear of them. I felt her pain when she was stuck at the shower. I was at a baptism the other day and honestly, there was 1 kid there and she was so annoying. I had to force smiles when she came up to me. In my mind I was like, get away! I actually think she sensed my dislike as she didn’t come to me often. This happens a lot so I know I throw off a vibe of dislike. Even commercials with kids annoy me. I HATE when kids act cute and baby talk. Stop! Most times, I hate them also. Not all the time but most. I would say 99% of the time. I have a new niece and although cute, when my sister and husband visit and I am often wondering, when are they leaving? I can’t take it. Her cries are the worst! When my older niece and nephew come over to visit, I only tolerate them for certain amounts of time. Usually you will find me in my old bedroom locked there for an hour when kids visit. I find them so overwhelming and I don’t like it. The place I hate kids the most are in grocery stores. People, keep your bad kids in check. I don’t want your kid running into my legs in the line. I don’t want your kid staring at me while I wait to pay for my groceries. And, why is your kids screaming? Do something about it. Argh.
So, she is not alone. My love for kids is non existent and I like it that way. And, there are lots of groups and sites out there online who are not afraid to proclaim their dislike of children.
This is just how I feel, though there are tiny numbers of individual kids I’m OK with for short periods of time. I don’t like baby photos, toddler photos, etc., and I’m generally uncomfortable around kids. I’m ALWAYS polite about people’s kids and pride about their kids, but I don’t enjoy spending time around them, and I wish people didn’t expect that I do enjoy it just because I’m female. The thing that bothers me the most is when women try to hand me their baby or toddler on the expectation that I want to hold their child. I don’t — if I do, I will ask. I’m then in the uncomfortable position of looking like a total freak if I say no, and doing something I find totally awkward, unpleasant, a little frightening (what if I drop the baby?), and often sticky if I say yes. (And they never try handing their child to my husband, even if the child is his relation rather than mine!)
It’s okay for me to not be interested in sports or meat or veggies or the outdoors or reading or cooking or exercise or cleaning or school, but somehow this isn’t okay. I have one friend who asks me Every. Time. We. Get. Together. (“Are you sure?” YES. The fact that I brought your little boy a teddy bear just means we’re friends and I’m a decent person.)
I agree wholeheartedly with Nissa, the poster. I have no patience when it comes to being around children. Loud people of any kind make me want to get away as fast as I can and that’s about the only volume level most kids under the age of 8 operate at. And I HATE having to pretend that I think someone being pregnant is so exciting and that babies and kids are cute and their mundane and stupid little accomplishments are “awesome!” or whatever. Newsflash….almost ANYBODY can have a baby. Why do we have to act like it’s such a big freaking deal??!! It’s not!! I think it’s a bigger deal to realize you don’t care to have them and refuse to be pressured by society to have them and/or realize the world is overpopulated and somebody has to be unselfish enough to see that, as well as not be so selfish as to bring an innocent life into a world filled with so much greed, dishonesty, lack of morals, etc., etc. etc. I’ve never had the desire to have kids, but as I get older and watch the news and see how different the world is then when I was growing up, I’m saddened by what I see and thankful I haven’t and won’t be worrying about the future of my child and how difficult it will be.
I do struggle sometimes with the guilt from the fact that I have no desire at all to see my only sisters two small girls. When I occasionally call my parents to chat, it seems like they are always babysitting my sisters older 2 1/2 yr old daughter and all I hear is her squealing or being really loud in the background, so I inevitably cut the conversation short. I have no desire at all to see the kids, which I feel badly about, but I just can’t help it. Nothing is more annoying than trying to visit with a friend or family member and having to deal with screaming, crying, squealing, or Mom!, Mom!, Mom!, Mom! repeatedly, either in person or in the background while on the phone. I think people who have kids think everyone has them or just automatically believes everyone should understand “kids being kids”, but the truth is, not everyone does think screaming, running, obnoxious little kids are cute or funny or no big deal. When I was a kid, my parents always gave my sister and I “the talk” before we went into places and Dad also said kids were to be seen and not heard. Needless to say, we were very well behaved kids. I’m appalled at kids nowadays and how parents let them act in public and especially at restaurants. Why can’t people just get babysitters instead of dragging a 2 year old to a steakhouse??!!
Sadly, because I do not have children, nor enjoy being around them or talking about them, I basically have no friends now that every single one of my friends has kids. That would be fine, but they either drag their kids to our outings, can’t go out because of their kids, want to visit at their house amidst their kids’ constant interruptions or won’t talk about anything else besides their kids on the rare times you can get them alone without their kids. It’s just more trouble and headache than it’s worth, it seems, so I just stay home in the peace and quiet with my well behaved dog kids.
well, as a mother of 2 college age children I can honestly admit to this:
- having children is overrated – definitely not for everyone; in fact not for most people
- I’m not particularly fond of them either, especially OPKs (other people’s kids)
Kids shouldn’t be treated differently than Household pets – I love my dog (and kids) but I don’t assume that everyone wants my dog in their home, want’s their licks, bad breath and other annoyances.
I didn’t like kids when I was one (kindergarten on up); now over 60, never had any.
exactly — kids got on my nerves when I was one. Their presence hasn’t improved as I’ve aged up.
OMG – she is playing my song! I love animals – anything furry or feathery and I’m THERE. That has made people ask me why I don’t have kids since I am maternal with animals. I was not born with a maternal towards kids bone/desire/etc. I don’t dislike them – I just don’t care for them. I am better as they get older (ask my stepdaughter) though. However, that isn’t enough to want to be a parent – so I never was. Thank goddess for the pill! I could control it. But, when I am around people with children and the kids come up (which they inevitably do), I want to leave the room. I find childbirth stories horrifying and/or boring. Thank you for helping me come out of the closet, too and admit it – I don’t like kids and I’m very glad I don’t have any.
I am exactly the same. I never tire of cat pictures on Facebook. I will run across the road to pat one, and I do feel maternal pangs towards cats. Kids, however, is a different story. I believe the litmus test of whether you have those pangs for human babies is when a new mum brings her baby into the office. Watch all the women go ga-ga and squeal with delight – like bees to honey – EXCEPT YOU, right? I am 46 and have zero regrets about not having kids. I think they can be cute, but that’s not sufficient reason to have them.
I’m the opposite. I love kids but I’m glad I don’t have any. They are funny and interesting and smart. Except when they aren’t which are the times at which I’m glad I don’t have one. It would be just my luck to get the one who’s a complete jerk. And like the poster said, you can’t send that one back in exchange for a pleasant one. The thing that I don’t like about children is their parents’ at-times unwillingness to believe that my life wouldn’t be immeasurably improved by proximity to their offspring. I often can’t decide if the parents are validating their decision to have kids with me as a filter or if they just want a break. Either way, I don’t want to babysit. Incidentally, I’ve discussed this at length with my mother, who obviously does have children. She feels the same way I do.
OMG! This piece articulates every thought and feeling that I have not been able to…I never wanted the responsibility and messiness of kids…knew it from the beginning. Like the author, I don’t go out of my way to terrorize kids but the parents who try and foist their little “angels” upon those of us who find them downright unpleasant are out of touch. I have a single nephew who was born into a family of four siblings and two sets of grandparents. I remember feeling guilty when the realization came over me that “no” I really didn’t want to argue with my other siblings over who got to “keep” him that weekend. As he has gotten older it is even less pleasant…he’s quite overindulged and selfish, it’s always an expensive weekend and I am left on Sunday evening with a stressed out dog, a sink full of dishes, a torn up house, down the price of a nice evening out and exhausted. Why did I feel like I should be rapt with the honor of his presence. It’s not his fault he’s spoiled and self centered but I shudder to think of his teen years…whoa! Most mornings I thank God I am single and childless…by choice! Thanks for the opportunity to read your blog, Eleanore! You rock!
I don’t like kids.
I don’t dislike them, or wish them any harm – but I don’t want any of my own, and I don’t like to be around anybody else’s.
They are loud. They are messy. They are self-centered. They are constantly underfoot. They are nuisances. They aren’t “innocent” – they are new human beings who haven’t learned better yet.
It isn’t their fault, and as they get older they (most of them, anyway) will learn how to behave and become less unpleasant to be around.
For the longest time, I felt guilty about admitting those feelings to myself – let alone others. But as I’ve gotten older and a bit more self-assured, I’m comfortable with admitting it. Anybody who knows me understands my position – I don’t like kids, but I’m certainly not a monster who goes around knocking over baby strollers and kicking little kids’ toys into the gutters – I just don’t like being around them. They are not my cup of tea.
To sum it up, I basically just want to co-sign everything in the post. Very well said!
Agreed – on everything expressed above! I will also add that I couldn’t even imagine myself attending a baby shower. Would be way too uncomfortable. That would be a send my regrets and mail a gift type of occasion!!
I think she has a very good point. Certain children can be likable if you’re around them for a limited amount of time and of course everyone was a child once. Children have varying temperaments but in general they are kind of loud (especially the younger ones) and aren’t experienced at controlling their emotions and behavior.
I definitely agree that children should be kept to age-appropriate venues. Children shouldn’t be brought to fine restaurants except during designated times, etc. Parents should teach their children how to behave in public in parks and child-appropriate venues. Then, they can take them to certain things that they are interested in. Anyway, good article.