I Don’t Like Kids. There. I Said It.

Last week I received an interesting email from a reader about some of the dynamics behind being childfree. She has observed that women who have chosen to be childfree often feel the need to profess how much they love and enjoy kids, but that they just don’t want any. Her question was: “Where are all the women who actually don’t like kids? I can’t be the only one.” She went on to say, “There seems to be a belief that not liking kids = bad person. The fact that I have a college degree, have been gainfully employed since high school, volunteer to feed the hungry at Thanksgiving…all of it is brushed aside as meaningless because I don’t like kids. I also wouldn’t want an elephant, because it doesn’t fit into my lifestyle.”

I’m sure she’s not the only one who doesn’t like kids, either. I’ve come across a few. I’ve actually uttered those words myself, usually half-jokingly. Half-jokingly because there are lots of kids I do like…just not all of them. Since I don’t really have a strong opinion about this, I thought it would be great for her to write a guest post on this very topic.

Here’s what Nissa has to say:

I recently attended the baby shower of a friend I’ve had for over a decade. As I struggled to smile through the “pass the diaper” game while kids ran in and out of the room, I could see that I was the only one who was uncomfortable. The others cheerfully spoke over the banging of the toys, the shrieking, and the drone of the kids’ video. I had to fight a desire to run to my car and drive to my peaceful post-divorce, childfree home.

This wasn’t always the case. In spite of all the realistic career, financial, environmental and overpopulation reasons to not have children, I grew up thinking I’d be like everyone else. I did get married. However, when I spent time around my friends’ kids I noticed….it wasn’t fun. I wasn’t having that “oh aren’t they cute” feeling. The feeling I got was, “no thanks, I think I’ll pass” and “how soon can I leave?”

When I mentioned this to people, they comforted me by saying “Oh, just have them – you’ll feel different when they are your own….I hate other people’s kids but I love mine”. Everyone spoke about how wonderful they are – sweet, cute, how everything is new to them, how it makes you appreciate life.

What worried me about this scenario was that babies are permanent. It’s not like a dress that I could return if it just wasn’t working for me. Maybe I just needed to try on a baby before buying?

Being an auntie seemed like a good compromise. You know, enjoy all the good parts and then reap the financial benefits of being childless. So I tried. I spent time with babies, with little kids and bigger kids, with ADD kids and “good kids”.

But the more I tried, the less I enjoyed them. I didn’t find babies cute – they were just uninteresting. I didn’t enjoy the crying, the smells and the random smears of what might be chocolate or poop. With the older kids, the sweetness that sometimes surfaced was quickly drowned out by the mood swings from happy to angry to tears every 10 minutes. The wonder of all-things-new was swamped by the incessant noise of toys, TV and questions about everything under the sun. Conversations, shopping trips or a visit to the bathroom were punctuated with interruptions, disagreements and whining.

My experiences with other people’s kids proved to me I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy being responsible for someone else’s entertainment, feeding needs, bathroom needs and emotional needs. The good parts did not come anywhere near compensating me for what I was giving up to be with them.

In the end, I just didn’t like them. I far prefer quiet, order and predictability. I enjoy offering my gifts of love, nurturing and compassion to adults, who are often in need of those very gifts.

So technically, children have made me appreciate life…the life I have without them.

Interesting…provocative…well-said. Comments?

This entry was posted in being single, child free, childfree, divorced women, Happily single, The Spinsterlicious Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

114 Responses to I Don’t Like Kids. There. I Said It.

  1. Ivy says:

    I am so glad I read this, as everyone here I guess is. I am the same as you guys but I always was and still am afraid to just speak of it in front of people. I also feel like being annoyed by children kept growing with the years. I thought it was just in my country that most of the people love all children, that when they do produce an offspring it’s the smartest and cutest in the whole wide world. Yet apparently it’s everywhere. Some of my everyday stories include children grabbing my hair on the bus and their parents don’t say anything, I go to a restaurant with my boyfriend and the next table has children putting their feet over my plate while playing, constant whining, the neighbour’s 2 year old upstairs walked with her mother’s heels for us to hear all day and finally the mother sais she might do something about it but that she can’t because it’s a small child after all. I mean come on. I don’t want to go over the same things but I would prefer if there really were child free places you can go and just exist in peace. I also don’t want any children of my own but I keep feeling preasure to have them someday from my boyfriend :( everyone hates you and insists you must reproduce. What if you just don’t want to…

  2. Jenny says:

    I stumbled upon this, and am grateful for it. I am currently dating a man with a four year old, and I adore him–but thought there was something very wrong with me because I do not adore her. Generally, I do not like kids–the noise, the questions, the bodily functions the goddamned STICKINESS that seems to be omnipresent. Even my boyfriend insists that one day I will want them. It ended up being an argument between us because I felt like he was completely disregarding my feelings about the matter. But all that aside, I am so completely happy to have stumbled upon the verbalization of my feelings towards children. It makes my heart happy to know that I am not the only one who feels this way, and firmly so.

  3. Pingback: …And You Don’t Have Kids??? | Eleanore Wells

  4. JasonJune says:

    Not a child’s fault the way things are. Most of the time if not 95% is the parent. In order to work with or be around children you -MUST- have patience. But on another hand, I can understand some of the complaints on this blog. Yes, kids have a tendency to be loud and obnoxious but what more can be done? The learning responsibility comes from the parent. Where I work, I have to be super-pleasant and endure kids(duh), then deal with staff, which some of them just aren’t pleasant to be around (L.OL.!). I have to navigate around children which can be tricky when your pushing or pulling things alot. At times if a child is playing in a certain area, and that area is small, i’ll just go to another section, as not to disturb their play-space and for obvious other reasons, such as a kid suddenly darting out while things are being put away. Sometimes the kids can be really loud and obnoxious, and there are days where the adult is just sitting idling away at a computer while their kid is causing a racket. There was one incident where a child kept running to the front where the doors where and the good ol parent (single mother) was chattering away at a computer not paying attention, as usual. Another worker told me she wouldn’t leave but I didn’t trust having a child lingering around a doorway so they could run out. So I went over to the parent with a smile, said “sorry to interrupt you ma’am but your child is near the doorway” and the woman had the nerve to act so “shocked” I was interrupting her conversation with a like “why you disturbing me?” type of reaction (LOL). You get those type of parents to, that come to public-places(like malls, etc) and expect the workers or staff their to baby-sit their child for them while they tune them out and their child is running aaaaaaaall over the place, and the staff is pretty much petrified of saying anything (besides a very small, given few) less they “chase away” that parent, then the parent comes back and whines how they were chased away, heads will roll, etc yadda yadda. Or the uppity ones who got sticks up their butts, no matter how professional or polite you are, just way some folk are. At my job, i’ve learned to basically ignore or “tune-out” kids and or parents as much as possible(since there’s not much I can do about it anyway). It’s not that I don’t like children, it’s just kids can be a handful, i’m not someone with kids, and I’m not paid enough or practically, paid at all, to deal with kids and their parents. I work minimum wage and kids/parents aren’t part of my duties. Lol. I can provide customer service, but not baby-sitting services. So i tried to avoid the baby-sitting part as much as possible. It’s not my duties or responsibilities to do so and I don’t feel ashamed about it. Its even better when there’s events going on to keep idle kids occupied LOL.

    I use to like children alot(and i still do), but since in the work environment they’ve become like a nuisance(part of it is my job environment). Which is why I avoid kids, because in sue-happy America, it’s easy for a parent to get upset on just about anything, and to be honest, the way things are ran at my job is not up to par professional considering other places that would expect certain behaviors and not tolerate other ones. At my job, folks have a tendency to goof off alot(in back offices chattering away, forming dumb clicks that amount to nothing in the end) and like throwing responsibility on the shoulders of other employees(like leaving the front desk unoccupied yet sitting there in broad-daylight knowing no one is there at the front)(they’ve done it for so long I finally let the supervisor know, who is also, practically useless as well too), playing social-circle games with one-another(silly clicks, keeping other staff ill-informed of whats going on to make themselves look important, off-cuff comments about other staff, etc) mindless sheep, tons of chattering and wasting away work hours, etc). Obliviously, there are a lot of people at my job that are lazy and don’t want to be leaders/responsible for anything but again, want to throw the work-load on others while they coast and get the $$$ and recognition (after a job is done. It’s not collaboration, it’s lazyness and showing off titles). I’ve learned I just have a bad/lazy job environment where people socializing in offices and whatnot and people on duty aren’t doing what their suppose to be doing. The young people especially that are working there have a tendency to leave the front unoccupied more than once, especially this new guy that runs up aftertime he sees some other young person *just* to talk to them, while of course, giving me the ‘the odd duck’ silly treatment(plus the guy does a crappy job, to be honest, but thinks he’s cool, lol). I just wish half of the morons at my place would get fired, but then again, people hire what’s on their level.

  5. eliza says:

    Thank you so much fort his article and for all the comments. It has helped me to understand myself better. I’ve had some major issues with a friend of mine who became a mother recently and asked me to help her out. Something in me said no, but I thought it was selfish to not help her and so I tried. But I couldn’t. And now I understand it better. I do not want children of my own. I was never interested in children. And apparently this also means I cannot take care of another woman’s child. It doensn’t mean I am selfish.
    I also love it when I meet friends who don’t have children and don’t want them. It makes me feel less of an outsider.

  6. Bob Jones says:

    I applaud your honesty and completely agree with how you feel. I am happily married for over 15 years and we have never wanted kids despite the constant harassment we receive from my wife’s family. One thing we’ve noticed is how people without children consistently age more gracefully than the stressed-out parents we encounter.

  7. Ang says:

    THANK YOU for this. For as long as I can remember, say since I was about 13 or whenever people started to ask me to babysit, I never liked kids. I told people, even back then, that I was not going to have kids. They just laughed, and my mother (who is definitely one of those that does not love other people’s kids but loved the heck out of us) would always say “It’s different when it’s your own.” To which I would always reply “Uh huh. You must not have heard me. I’m NOT having any!!”

    That strong hatred (‘cus I’m allowed to admit it freely here!!) for the nonstop screaming, tantrums, smells, noise, rudeness (older kids), and incessant whining has never changed for me. I’m now 31, when everyone told me I “should” be baby crazy. I’M NOT.

    It’s the same as if someone expected me or tried to pressure me to be a dentist. I am not a dentist. I do not now nor have I ever had even the slightest interest in dentistry. Everyone’s fine with that, but replace “dentistry” with “children” and suddenly I’m the spawn of satan.

    My boyfriend and I came up with a code recently. I really don’t like grapefruit. Whenever we encounter a brat throwing a huge tantrum and ruining our meal, movie, bus ride, you name it… or anything generally awful that kids do, I say “Man, I HATE grapefruit!!” I wish I didn’t have to speak in code, but it works for my psychologically, allows me to rant a little aloud, instead of bottling up my hatred. If I really spoke my mind the mommy police will be all over me as their precious angel can do no wrong.

    Another observation on that point – interesting how our culture reveres children as these precious little angels put on pedestals of utter perfection, but completely discards our elderly. Whereas the opposite is true in many other cultures, and in our own history, where the elderly are/were treated respectfully, thought of as wise leaders of the community, and children are/were kept in their place. Now that those brats are growing up into sniveling adult babies we’re starting to feel the effects, and helicopter parents that create such children are too busy catering to their whiny brat’s every whim to take care of their own aging parents. AWFUL.

  8. metalhamster says:

    I know this is a late reaction but I cannot express how grateful I am for this article. I’m absolutely serious. I’ve read many websites about childfree-ness, and curiously, a lot of them emphasized that even if someone doesn’t have children, they have to care for the kids of other people, or else they become too self-centered (no, really). Also, being a young woman, everybody around me assumes that I have a) men and b) children on my mind 24/7, and if I don’t start to go into spasms over an “adorable” toddler I’m a psychopath. I can’t say that I like children any more than I can say I like people – they are different, and some of them I’m compatible with, some of them are not. Reading something like the confession above is so refreshing and reassuring. So thank you again, I’ve bookmarked the page.

  9. KL says:

    HAH! Love this page, do NOT love kids.

    Like so many commenters, I have known since as early as I can even remember that I was totally indifferent and uninterested in having kids.

    I am a 30 year-old, happy, heterosexual female who cannot care less about having a baby, or about raising a baby, a toddler, a young child, a pre-teen, a teen, or even a young adult.

    Never EVER did I think there was the slightest chance that I would change my mind, though like everyone else, it has frequently been suggested to me. I like to think of that suggestion (and the bizarrely drastic assumption of lifestyle-change) as comparable to someone telling me that someday I will want to permanently tattoo my entire face and join a circus (I won’t) or someday I will want to live the rest of my life in a tent at the side of the road (yeah, NO).

  10. Dave says:

    Even as a young child I disliked other little children – especially other boys. They were noisy, belligerent, messy, dirty, stupid. Their idea of entertainment was to don a fire chief hat and run around the house yelling at the top of their lungs. Ugh!

    So it was odd to have my own children. My wife, a former NICU nurse, knew exactly how to care for babies, which saved both the babies and me much misery. But once they got a bit older, I fell in love with them and discovered them to be amazingly pliable. They seemed to adapt to whatever norm we set for them. Whether they were gifted or whether all children are as adaptable, I don’t know. But they were cleaner, quieter, and more cooperative than I’d ever imagined. Only two are left in the nest, now, and it will be sad day when the last one leaves.

    Just yesterday I asked my 13-year-old what the difference was between knowledge and wisdom. She brightened and said, “Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.” She has been delighting me this way for the past 12 years.

  11. Sarah says:

    I don’t like them either. For the first 20+ years of my marriage I was told we’d have an oops or change our minds. I always knew that I wouldn’t, and, well, there are ways to take care of an “oops” other than giving birth. I was told how much I would regret it when I was older and . . . I’m older now, not one scintilla of regret to be found. All women – and men, for that matter – are cut out to be parents. You’d think the people who take parenthood seriously would be grateful that the less than enthusiastic potential parents decide to opt out. I suppose they would, if it actually were about what’s best for children. But I don’t think it really is.

  12. Chris says:

    I’m a guy and, frankly, I don’t like kids, either. Until about the age of 14, I don’t find them to be “fun,” “intellectually-stimulating,” and, frankly, I’d be more interested mowing the lawn. They’re not “funny” – “Knock knock, *you’re supposed to say who’s there!” I didn’t say it because I didn’t want you to continue, thank you very much. Come back when you can recite some Ralphie May or Ron White bits, then we can converse.

    Kids are loud, obnoxious, misbehave and this generation of “let them do what they want to express themselves” parents need a kick in the face. I didn’t just pay $40 for a babysitter so I could come to this sit-down restaurant and have your kids climbing around, yelling, and eyeballing me over the seat. Not everyone is entertained by your spawn and, frankly, it makes me want to figure out what car you came in so I can key the doors. If it’s not below a golden arches sign, keep your kids still and quiet. Can’t do that? Two words: pizza delivery. Then the rest of the world can be at peace.

    “I drew you a picture!” Great. It’s two squiggly lines to add to my pile of the other 300 pictures of squiggly lines that you have given me in the last five minutes. “Watch what I can do!” Toe out, toe in. Fantastic. You’ve learned the first move to the hokey-pokey. “My mommy said I can be an astronaut when I grow up!” I’m sure she did, and you along with the other 3,000,000 kids whose mom said can be an astronaut can all go up in the shuttle together because the world just needs that many astronauts… infuriatingly annoying. I have no patience for ankle biters.

    I suppose all of this makes me a bad person, “How can you not like kids!?” I just don’t. If one single aspect of someone’s personality makes him or her a ‘bad person’ then I subject that there are a whole lot of ‘bad people’ out there.

  13. Michelle says:

    Perfectly said AJ! I am with you. On the same page. I have worked and still work with children and starting to feel miserable more and more. I don’t think I would have the patience to have and raise my one children any more.
    And you are right, parents see no wrong! It’s like they are brainwashed. It’s interesting and frustrating at the same time. I really don’t see any good reasons to have a baby.
    I wonder if there will be any regrets later though..

    • Aleja says:

      I thought I was the only person living in misery!! For personal reasons I’m obligated to work with kids, I feel the more I hate my job, the more stuck I am with it! Can’t wait for things to change because kids are making me go craaazy.
      !! I guess there was a time where I wanted to have kids, now Im not sure.. I feel every person is given a certain amount of patience to deal with children….. and I already wasted mine with annoying kids that aren’t even mine!!!
      I like babies and I actually love the idea of having that experience with the man I love, but once they grow is a different story. I feel very uncomfortable around kids, specially with another adult around because I gotta pretend I’m entertained with their stupid stories or that their cough and sneezes in my face don’t bother me or that I can’t smell their farts or feel their sticky hands!!
      Because of my “job” I feel no desire to get up every morning (for those that may be thinking… so do something about it!, believe me…I want but right now I cant). But at least I can walk away from them as soon as I’m off…..people says (including my mother) it will be different with your own kids….. well yeah! Because you have not option, you gotta deal with it!!
      I still open to the possibilities but if one day I have my own kid I know for sure I don’t want to be a stay at home mom, I know that first I want to be a wife then a mom and keep it always in that order, I know just one is more than enough, I know ill raise him/her to be a smart, self sufficient person because we live in a kid-centered world that has created spoiled brats that cry and whine and complaint 80% of the time for no real reason!!
      I also know that my kid would be my kid and no other people’s business, I hate when moms talk on behalf of her child and with a squeaky voice pretend the kid is talking to me (oh miss *** do u see how pretty I look in my new outfit that nana gave me?? Don’t I look precious??) or when they start a conversation with me about dumb stories about their kids…. guess what? I don’t care, I don’t find your topic interested, I don’t see how is gonna change my life or make my day better…. please, just please SHUT UP!!!!!!
      I’m glad I found this site, its just liberating to say out loud what I feel without the fear of people thinking I’m a monster or I’m just jealous of what I don’t have. I’m jealous of people whose work has nothing to do with kids! But what I do have is freedom, money and time to spend as I want….. and actually it feels pretty awesome!

  14. AJ says:

    I loved the comments. whats weird is, I’ve worked with kids for 13 years (volunteered, daycare, and babysat -you name it). Now, as my patience gets shorter, I realize I don’t particularily care for kids anymore. Their annoying, they don’t listen, The parents see no wrong in what they do. Did it take 13 years to figure this out? maybe lol. I’m 29 now, I refuse to have kids or work with them ever again. My maternal insticnt is gone. I love this page though. I love all the comments. And I don’t care how blunt it is, if you don’t like kids-you don’t like em! Enough said!

  15. Arrielle Seafish says:

    Dear Erica,
    I appreciate your honesty and the courage to say what’ s on your mind. I believe there are many women out there who feel the same. I read somewhere in a book, that the love for a child is the same as the love for a man: you can’t love all men, as you can’t love all children. Some are compatible with you others don’t.

    At the same time, I am putting these feelings in perspective: the ways we treat the children nowadays made them unbearable. In my time my dad / mom / grandfather..etc. would have slept the ..something out of me if I was throwing tantrums because I wanted something from a store, I didn’t want to go where they were going, I was interrupting..etc.

    Today these are norms of behavior. We do not see that this permissiveness took a toll on us, as adults. We have ruined our adult lives ( made up of adult interaction, conversations, and bonding) to create little monsters, entitled, with lack of empathy and very selfish.

  16. Erica says:

    I don’t HATE children. I just dislike them. Ironically, I had to have three of my own to know this. I love my kids but I enjoy them more as older. Only one is a child still and I just don’t have the patience or enjoyment for her. Thank goodness she has her father who loves to spend time with her.

    I absolutely love my girls and would do anything for them. But the four year old is difficult, whiny, uncooperative, selfish, and won’t go to sleep!

    I avoid to the fullest, if I can help it, playdates to anywhere. I don’t think kids are cute or adorable. I think they are loud, obnoixous, whiny and just don’t find the cuteness of them. I especially do not do well with children whose parents let them get away with all kinds of bad behavior. I have been a mom for 22 years and I rarely have found a parent who disciplines a child for bad behavior. Bad behavior would include but not limited to interrupting and whining. It is so difficult to have a conversation with a parent when their child is around because they continue to allow their child to do one of these. I rarely see a parent take control and do something about it.

    With this being said, I do hope my feelings change a little for the better before I become a grandparent. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do and have for a very long time.

    • Pat says:

      Your feelings probably won’t change, even when/if you become a grandmother. I am in a similar situation and while my husband loves being a granddad, I do not enjoy my grandson at all. Bottom line, if you don’t love kids and don’t want to be a mother with all your heart, DON’T DO IT!!

  17. Arrielle Seafish says:

    Dear Nissa,
    You spoke from my mind. I do not like children either. And I am saying it after a couple of years spent around them. I babysit kids ranging from 1.5 to 8 YO. Every time I met a new child I told to myself: ” this time it will be different. Try to get closer to him/ her and you will see, you will like him”. It did not happen. Besides all the things you mentioned above, one encompassing feeling I had then, and still have now, when I recall that period is that somebody was stealing my life. I feel a deep sense of frustration every time I think that I had to do that job. At that time it was the only job I could do because of language reasons. ( I am a foreigner).
    I was wondering if it is only me who has this feeling. Whenever I am around them I feel like they are taking a part of me, it gets almost physical. Yes, I don’t like them.

  18. Lila says:

    So nice to find other women who don’t like children! I’m 24 yo and never ever wanted children. I never enjoyed playing dolls or taking care of other children. It’s not that I hate them or would do any harm to a child at all! I just don’t like being around them, I don’t find them cute or interesting, they’re extremely annoying and I really hate to be responsible for someone’s emotional and material needs. I have said only once out loud that I don’t like children and I learned I’d better never do it again as it caused an awful reaction in my family with people who didn’t like me prior to this insinuating I should not be left alone with my siblings (who were little at the time) or I might kill them! I was agasp, seeing that my siblings always liked me and I also liked them even more as they got older, to be treated like a potential serial killer simply because when asked why I didn’t want children I said I didn’t like them!? There’s a huge pressure on women to have children and love them, but since I was a kid I never complied to these expectations. And from what I observe, no it’s not always true that once you have children you’ll love them. There’s lots of literature suggesting that no, it’s not always like that and the sad thing is you can’t return them and will feel a lot more pressure because deep down you know you don’t enjoy them. So, if you don’t feel like having children, just don’t! Tune out all the social pressure and be happy with yourself instead of having a child and spending the rest of your life unhappy as well as making another human being (the child) unhappy with something s/he isn’t guilty of.

  19. Paulina says:

    I just wonder…. why is it like that with me?
    Where has it come from?

  20. Alison says:

    Are you inside my head? I could have written this. Been told the same thing, only my response has been kids are not like cars you can’t return them after the test drive.

    • Paulina says:

      I am young, I am 23 and I do not feel I have a heart for kids. It is strange, I loved all kids, saying “how cute!” and then, after the kids my mum took care of left to USA, I stopped enjoying them even when they came back, and it is tough u know. I ve got a job where I work with kids, and I hoped it would be fine, but I feel like I just cannot. It is so much true, I love giving compassion to adults, consolation, inspiration, all of that. But, I just so much hate doing it with kids. But dear little kids, it is not I do not care for you or I do not love you, I just do not like doing it. Forgive me:)

  21. CrazyCatLady says:

    Just made it to 49 and never changed a nappy (diaper) in my life. I have less than zero interest in children.

    Two years ago I married my childhood sweetheart. He had 2 boys with ex wife who are in their 20′s now. Were they happy for their father to have found love and to be happy? Nope, they were so worried about their inheritance they had to ask him about what provisions he has made for them. I cannot fathom why people have them.

    • Isabela says:

      Exactly, you put all your efforts in raising your children and when they become adults all they want to know is about how much money and properties will you leave to them when you die.
      No, thanks. I prefer to use my time, my money and my energy in things that pleases me, not into ones that only are interested in using me.

  22. suzanne says:

    It’s wonderful that I found this website. I was married for 25 years and tried unsuccessfully to have kids- the ex and I both really wanted a family, and I was heartbroken when I couldn’t have any babies. We then tried adoption and that didn’t work either. You either get older, disturbed special needs kids, or you spend a fortune to adopt a baby from overseas. We couldn’t do it, so we tried to live childless, which was very tough, what with family and friends having babies every time we turned around. My ex, who came from a large, close-knit family, and who had 3 badly-brought up kids with his 1st wife, turned against me and left me because I couldn’t have kids and he wanted to be able to raise a child before he was too old to enjoy it. I wanted kids but couldn’t have any, so he moved it with his girlfriend to help “raise” her bratty young daughter, who she had no interest in raising by herself.
    Since I’ve been on my own, I’ve noticed how loud, rude, wild, demanding, badly-behaved most kids are that I see out in public. It seems every time I go into a store, I hear loud wailing all around the store from people’s kids. That disembodied wailing just comes at you from all over the store-any store whatsoever. There’s no escaping from it no matter where you go. Or people’s kids are seen running like animals thru the store aisles and shrieking like crazy. And I don’t think screaming, squealing babies or toddlers are at all cute either. Most parent’s attitudes are just “kids will be kids.” And they let their brats act up in public. If the kids act that uncontrollable in public, what are they like at home? I don’t hate kids at all, but it seems that nowadays, a lot of people coddle, indulge their kids and let them get away with almost any bad behavior. When we were kids, our parents, teachers, other adults held us responsible for our own behavior and gave us consequences (severe at times) for our bad behavior. Nowadays, it seems that all people want to do is overprotect and spoil their kids. If you’re in public and a kid screams or acts up, the parents get after you and come after you instead of dealing with their kids.

  23. Camille says:

    I have never liked children. I have always viewed them as little alien creatures with whom I have nothing in common with. I cant stand watching cartoons and playing childrens games. I love my niece and nephew but can only take a certain amount of their high energy before I need some quiet time. Their intelligence is higher than normal and that seems to help tremendously with conversation and their understanding of answers I give to questions. Im very nurturing but also independent and driven to succeed in my career. I always felt a child would need more attention than I could give and besides, the wrong people are popping out kids like candy dispensers. Why should I add to that? Call me a loner I guess.

  24. CityGirl81 says:

    It’s nice to see other people who feel the way I do. What is amazing to me is in the dating world how men act when they find out you don’t have them, don’t want them and have no desire to date anyone with them. As a 30 something black woman, this can be a MAJOR challenge. I REFUSE to give up my lifestyle because some dude had spawn with the wrong broad. I would rather stay single. I don’t want kids and I have no intention on entertaining or paying for spawn I didn’t create.

    • eastside81 says:

      I hear you! I too am a 30 something black woman who doesn’t like kids. I also tried the route of dating someone who had kids. Didn’t work for long. I had no interest. And I’m really not sure I want any of my own. I get annoyed and find myself leaving any place where they are. I definitely never fell for the hype and people get amazed when I say I don’t have any children. I guess it’s just not the norm for a woman to not like or want them versus a guy not wanting to.

  25. Alan says:

    Quite a variety of comments here.

    I’d say that I don’t “hate” children, that seems excessive. And I don’t automatically dislike children as a group…ie all those under 18

    However (and I think many here might agree with this) I don’t like being around people who are loud, hyper, erratic, uninteresting, or lacking in social skills. I have encountered some adults like this, but I find these characteristics far more common among children. Not all, but most.

    Not that it’s their fault. They just haven’t had the time to develop a sufficient amount of social skills, emotional self-control, and patience. Adults have these things, and thus can behave appropriately and make small talk even with people they don’t like or with whom they share nothing in common.

    The kids will develop these skills in time. Some may do it while they’re still children. Which is why I don’t say I don’t like being around all children. Just most children

    • Stephanie says:

      100% This. Intelligent, quiet, and mostly well-behaved (no kid, or adult for that matter is perfect, I understand there will be loud/annoying moments even with the best kids) kids are perfectly fine with me. That’s how I was when I was a kid. I didn’t even like most kids when I was one because of this. I just like my quiet and deep/intelligent conversations. Some kids are capable of this, most aren’t. This also doesn’t mean I hate or wish any kid harm, even the ones I dislike.

  26. Jordan says:

    To say that one dislikes children is a very disgusting thing to say. Would one proclaim very openly that they dislike any other group of people–elderly people, middle-aged people, teen-aged people? I doubt it. But for some reason, people feel it is appropriate to say that they dislike children. That is incredibly inappropriate, and I would be wary of letting any child hang around such people.
    If a person does not want to bear or parent children, saying that is not inappropriate at all. There are many wonderful, compassionate people in the world that don’t parent children. But to then say that they hate children channels a lot of anger and deep-seated hatred towards a particular age-group of human beings.
    Unwarranted prejudice against any group of human population diminishes us all.

    • Alison says:

      I think your post just made the point of the original blog. There is a great deal of anger towards anyone who might not think your screaming, rude, brats are cute and sweet. Trust me those of us who do not like young children don’t want to be around them any more than you want to let them be around us. Please don’t assume everyone thinks children are great and enjoy being around them

      • Erica says:

        I agree with Alison on this. How we feel when we are around children/kids is how we feel. Your FEELING of “disqusting” is just that…. a feeling! So why do you get to have your feeling but we don’t?

        • Trell Brown says:

          I also agree with this. I’m still mulling over the fact that my (Pregnant again) sister want’s me to babysit her kid back home in Detroit in order for me to have a place to stay (i’m currently homeless in Harrisburg, PA). Her and her man both work form 6 in the morn to at least 6 or 7 at night. I don’t have the patience to deal with children, as 1. I don’t have kids of my own, 2. I can’t stand the screaming and wailing 3. I have absolutely no idea how to feed, or change a kid, 4. i have a very short temper.

  27. Elizabeth says:

    I don’t like kids and I don’t want kids, my own or stepchildren.
    As an African woman, it is unheard of to say that you don’t want children. The African woman’s role for a long time has been wife and mother, and when you’re not fulfilling either or both, there’s something wrong with you. And I hate that.

  28. FP says:

    Excellent post! Deciding whether you like kids or not seems to be quite the unspoken prerequisite to raising children. So many individuals believe that it is something that they have to do.
    I’m almost 26, and I have people asking me if I am married and have kids. I said neither. *POOF!* Instant pariah. I have presented an unfathomable concept to my peers and elders. Oh no! I do not like kids either. I don’t hate them or wish them harm. That is not the case. I just don’t want to deal with them. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid.
    I work in a grocery store and I see and hear screaming kids and miserable parents 40 hours per week. If I cannot tolerate a screaming child for more than 5 seconds, I should never be a parent.
    I think that we all should make the decision to like kids or not and be open about it BEFORE entering parenthood. By acknowledging beforehand that you are not parental material could save a child from having an unhappy living situation if conceived. Enough said.

    • Isabela says:

      Wait till you reach your 30′s … then you will know what is the real presure ; )

      • Otowngrl says:

        I’m so glad i”m now in my forties. I had my tubes tied in my mid-twenties, and I’ve never looked back. I kept being told I’d regret it when I was in my thirties, but I didn’t. I kept being told I’d feel my biological clock ticking, which I never did. The fact of the matter is, there are a lot of people out there who have no interest in becoming parents. It would be nice if we could stop pressuring people to reproduce and just let people choose for themselves. maybe there would fewer BAD parents out there if people were allowed to weigh the decision carefully without the hard sell of friends and family… not to mention the media itself.

  29. Roar says:

    I think you are selfish to think like that, yet not because I`m a little undecided and don`t know the answer myself. . You are selfish because it wont help humans growing, loving, fearing, hating, smiling, laughing, losing, and most of all you wont introduce anyone new into this world.
    Yet you are not because you feel children are egoistic and dirty? Is it hard because humans generally have bad morals and etics, and you are afraid of bringing that over to your child?
    Is it because you don`t feel like having more responsebillities, or are you affraid of having it over your head?
    So why should you have Children(goals and morals)?
    My answer for: I build future for children so they can build the future for the next generation.
    No mather what they become, I will be part of generating the future world.
    No mather what happens I will make my child(s) and they will make some difference in this world, if not much.
    I will make a difference in this world trough myself and my childs, and I will live happily after :). (although stupid, bad, evil, hateful, sorrow may happen).
    Argument against: Responsibilities, hard future, humans learns yet does not. So is this the arguments?
    I may have written a whole text about gibberish but I will take humans to the next generation :). I will make children and I wan`t make them king of this world, in what way possible :D.

    • Chris says:

      “…most of all you wont introduce anyone new into this world.”

      That’s fine. There’s already a water crisis and over-population is becoming more and more of an issue. I won’t contribute to the future destruction of the planet.

    • Otowngrl says:

      It’s funny how people who feel the need and desire to replicate their DNA call those who don’t desire it “selfish.” It’s not to say that every parent out there is selfish, but I’ve met plenty of parents who are more concerned with “leaving their legacy” than treating their children like individuals with their own personalities and desires. And then there are the lazy parents… The parents who have children and let them run amok because it’s “too hard” to parent their children and teach them to behave like normal human beings.

  30. Awesome post. I’m considered a pioneer in the childfree movement. In 1974, when I was interviewed about my choice never to have or raise children, I had NO idea what pronatalism was and how it can disrupt your life. Mike Wallace ended that show with, “Pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day. Good night everyone.” The next day, I lost my job as a dedicated teacher. I was picketed when I spoke. My dog’s life was threatened as well as mine! I was labeled a “Godless bitch”.
    The interesting thing is people perceived me to be a child hater. In fact, I was and still am… a dedicated woman to the joys of teaching whether young or old.
    I simply couldn’t stand the idea of the lifestyle of raising a child. For me, it was a career that didn’t suit my needs.
    I’ve shared the whole journey of “coming out” in 1974 as a childfree woman in my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”. I answer the burning question of whether I have regrets at the age of 70.
    I’m getting the most heartwarming reviews and personal letters from all over the world. Apparently, even though the idea of choice is prevalent now, there still remains the social stigma against the childfree by choice.People still are fearful to say what Eleanore wrote.
    A piece such as this is honest, real and refreshing. If only I had these kinds of things to read when I made the choice not to have kids!
    I will add it to my blog and twitter page. It’s an oldie but goody! Thank you Eleanore!

    • Eleanore says:

      Thanks so much for writing, Marcia. Please be in touch if you’d like to write a guest post. Could. Be interesting

    • FP says:

      This just shows the ignorance of society and how it has spanned over the years. Most people I have known have chosen the cookie cutter lifestyle and shun individuality and creativity. I grew up in the Midwest and I am still being harassed for not wanting to start a family, especially by my relatives. I am a musician, and raising children would highly interfere with that. I cannot see how being child-free would negatively affect your performance as a teacher. In fact, I think it would have improved it since you might have had more time to process information and questions instead of tending to children. If these people cannot accept who you are and what you choose, they are not worth acknowledging, in my opinion.

      • Nissa says:

        Thanks, Marcia. I am so appreciative for those who came before us and paved the road for more open mindedness, tolerance and acceptance.
        Let’s remember both Elenore’s and Marcia’s book are available on Amazon.com! It doesn’t hurt to let publishers know that there is a demand for books in this genre.

  31. Ili says:

    „However, when I spent time around my friends’ kids I noticed….it wasn’t fun. I wasn’t having that “oh aren’t they cute” feeling. The feeling I got was, “no thanks, I think I’ll pass” and “how soon can I leave?” (…)But the more I tried, the less I enjoyed them. I didn’t find babies cute – they were just uninteresting. I didn’t enjoy the crying, the smells and the random smears of what might be chocolate or poop.”

    Amen to that.
    Well, really, I never thought I could enjoy kids or would be like “anyone else”… in fact I once realized how odd it seems to be to many people NOT wanting kids. I thought I was like anyone else… lol Than I had to realize that you – especially as a woman – are supposed to love kids.

    A colleague has a baby now, a very very small one. I was the first colleague to see it (because we are not just colleagues, but also friends). I was like “Oh cute”, and shortly touched its nose. Well, that was it. Than she came to visit us with her baby at work and the other (female) colleagues were really fighting who’s allowed to hold the baby next. I was standing next to it and thought: Wow, that’s how you are supposed to act, when you see a newborn baby?
    I had the chance to hold the baby a whole evening before, but I didn’t even think about it.
    Another friend has a kid, now one and a half year old. Although it’s cute looking (one of the few cute looking kids, in my eyes) I really don’t want to touch it. He’s full of slime and slobber, drooling all the time, taking everything in his mouth. Can’t help, but I think this is disgusting. He could be cute, if he wouldn’t drool. And yeah… if I knew what to do with him…

  32. Nothankyou says:

    You’re not the only one. I do not like children and am happily childless. I will not even date a divorced guy who has kids. I used to worry that not liking children was abnormal. I think a lot of women feel this way, but we stay closeted. I’m out… I’m proud… I don’t like kids!

  33. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this! I have no problem telling people I don’t want children when they ask me when my fiancé of 11 years and I will birth a kid. I’m upfront and honest. I’m PROUD to say I do not want children. The funny part is, most people look at me and say, “good for you. I wish I’d never had kids”. Clearly, there are entirely too many people in this world who regret having kids. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around almost all kids, and I resent their parents for assuming I’m okay with them around me or showing me pictures of them. I don’t care, sorry. I really hate hearing people say, “you were a kid”. Yes. I was. But I didn’t have many friends as a child (only child) and I grew up around adults. I found myself hating other kids and wanting to center myself around older people.

    I’m really sick of people getting rewarded by having kids. Baby showers are the culprit. If you get knocked up, you’ll probably get a bunch of free stuff with it. You’ll at least get some good tax breaks, which I also find absurd. Over population is a huge problem and people get rewarded by having as many kids as possible. Teen mothers get a tv show! Society has got to crap with the invention of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant! Where are my rewards for NOT reproducing, increasing my carbon foot print, and contributing to the overpopulation of America?!

  34. Grace says:

    I do not like kids

    I do not like their sticky hands,
    I do not like their poopy pants,
    I do not like their boogery noses,
    I do not like their screechy voices,
    So don’t ask me why
    I don’t want a kid,
    Tell me why you do instead

  35. Trudy H says:

    OMG! So happy I found your page which has made me realize I am normal. I. Do. Not. Like. Kids. I think babies are cute to look at for a moment but then I’ve had enough. My husband and I decided to have just one child 14 years ago and I thank God everyday that he is a very quiet, keep-to-himself child. Extremely bright, is always thinking of others and is happy to just be. Anyone who meets me says I should have been a teacher or daycare owner because kids warm up to me quickly. Really? You would think the death stare would make them run.

    Now the ironic part is, all our friends have more than one child. They vacation several times a year and leave their hellions behind. I can’t wrap my head around that one. I brought this kid into the world to show him the world. I raised him to be grateful and not whiny so he is a great traveller. Makes me think that many parents don’t like their own spawns!

    Thanks for making my rainy day brighter :)

  36. max kors says:

    I’m so sick and tired of the ignorance of ppl talking about their “carbon footprint” the only carbon footprint there is in the world is if you were walking around outside and tracked some carbon onto the carpet.

  37. Jack says:

    My wife and I have been married for 3 years. She has 2 “adult” children from a previous marriage, and they also have young children. I know this is going to sound crazy but, every time one of the grand kids coughs, sneezes, farts etc., her damn cellphone rings. After saying that, let me also add that my wife’s son is 30 and her daughter is 28. Now, back to the story. I told my wife, even before our, first date, that I didn’t have children and that I didn’t want or need any. My wife calls these two grown children EVERY night of our lives, just to say “good night and I love you”. She has spent our entire time together trying to convince me of how great these children are and how great it is to be a parent and a grandparent. And now the ending, as of yesterday, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be married to her and the family. I realize that I have wasted these past few years on someone that I truly and deeply love but, nothing will and nothing can bring the time back.

    • ML says:

      No, Jack. Nothing can ever bring the time back. Be happy that you time with someone you loved and move on. Once a person has children you cannot ask them not to love their children – that’s just wrong. Your next love should be someone who shares your distaste for children – or you will end up in the same boat again.

  38. Klio says:

    I am not fond of children, can take or leave them although I prefer the latter. Here is my misanthropic glitch… I resent people having children.

    I hate their giant strollers in the grocery store, and their excuses for allowances never offered to me because “they have kids.” Well i have a life too, it just hasn’t involved me pumping a human out an orifice. They get a tax break because they bred? WTF? I have to take vacation time to take my cat to the vet, but if little Joey’s sick it’s natural to use sick leave. I pay taxes for schools and that’s fine, I would rather have an educated population… but people don’t seem to be very educated as they are breeding like crazy and fail to correlate that a majority of world ills come from overpopulation.

    Here’s a blasphemous thought, I think there should be a tax for having children. After all breeders use more resources and require more services. People may think their child is so very precious, I just see big noisy carbon footprints in a SUV size stroller.

  39. Grizzly Bear Mom says:

    See your friends out on your terms: at a more expensive restaurant, when the kids will be in bed or visit their houses after they put their darlings to sleep. I love my friends, but not necesssarily their kids.

  40. Hortensia Mendez says:

    I dont like kids. there I said it. Always have to be making excuses when people ask me why my husband and I don’t have children and we have been together for 10 years, I am 33 now, when my friends ask me when I am going to have children I always answer with a vague, “later” but the truth is we are both perfectly happy and fine without kids and have never and will never have the intention of having kids. We love animals though and have quite a lot of them. I don’t understand why people feel is an obligation to want to have kids. I never had the want for it, I dont see why I would want to spend more and have a complicated life when I can have my life which I perfectly love and feel fine with. And we really are not bad people but people always seem to think there is this hidden explanation why you would not want kids… The reason is really very simple for me. I just dont like them. There I said it. Thanks for the post.

  41. tabatha 75 says:

    I feel the same way, I dont have any children and a friend of mine asked what are you going to do when you are old ? Dont you want someone to take care of you? I said I dont think that is a good reason to have children and who knows what the future holds. People always ask how many children do I have and when I say none they ask why. I am so tired of that question. I have always been told how great I am with children even more so than alot of my friends and that I should have some at least one. I want to say leave me alone about my personal bussiness. I didnt tell you that you would be a bad parent and your kids would be brats. It is so nice to know there are others I feel alone and weird when ever the baby subject gets brought up. THANKS.

  42. Pingback: Is It Ok to Not Like Kids? | On The Other Hand

  43. Michelle913 says:

    What a relief to find this website – I completely agree with this post. I never thought I wanted kids, but I’ve felt a lot of pressure from others now that I’m in my late 30s. I stressed about it so much. I knew I didn’t want them now but feared I might regret not having them. Ultimately decided that’s not a good enough reason to have them! And what a relief to finally accept my own decision! I strongly disagree with all the parents who say having kids is the meaning of life. Surely we are more than breeders. Great post, thank you!

  44. Sera Page says:

    Ive been reading a lot about introversion vs extoversion and, as a very introverted person who never wanted to have kids, I think there’s a connection. First I want to say Im sure there are extroverts who dont want kids. But as an introvert I understand that quiet and peace are utterly important for me. Lots of external stimulation is extremely draining and it takes a lot of quiet to recharge. When do you get that with children? Loud noise, chaos, hyperactivity, bashing stuff, toys that buzz and beep, screaming tantrums, crying jags, even peels of delight are so exhausting that I can only get through so much and then I need a quiet room and a book….and a merlot. My liver would fall out if I was exposed to that in my own home every minute of every day.

    In this society introversion is treated like it’s wrong, a malady. It’s not shyness, it’s not lacking in social skills, it’s being wired differently physiologically. Anyway, I can tell you that all the noise, the constancy of it all, the not making any sense….it’s absolutely why I never had children, hated the times I was forced to babysit and dread my friend coming to visit with her child. Oh god….my house, my pets, my aching eardrums…. People treat childless people like they treat introverts…like it’s wrong, abnormal, fixable.

    Now…how do I get my friend to not bring junior over to visit!

    • Cagney says:

      Hey yur so right. Ppl call me selfish cuz of my attitute towards children. It may seem harsh but i hate kids voices toys and havinv to interact with them. Everything they do seem to annoy me. thats y i distance myself from kids and i will never have one of my own. why do ppl see this as a problem some ppl are jus not fit for kids and im def one of them.

  45. Cagney says:

    I feel so much better now that ive read this article. Im 30 and i strongly dislike children. Im selfish and i love to sleep. I hate having to wake up to a crying child, having to feed and cloth him or her. I love my freedom and not havi.g responbilites of caring for a child. My nerves gets bad when im around a child. Having to put up with their behavior at home, school, or in public places. Having to put myself second when it comes to things i want. I just broke up with my girlfriend because she has 3 kids. She’s not able to spend time with me nor jus get up and go anywhere. I know it seems horrible but i never seem to get attached to children or think any of their actions is cute. I hate hearing their voices. And i love to sleep and i hate havin to get up to tend to kids. Kids are pointless in my life i jus enjoy peace and quietness way to much. I hate when i play my ps3 they bug me to let themplay or i cant watch tv cuz they want the channel on cartoons. Bottom line i hate kids and i jus relize its no hope for me. So from now on i cant date anyone who has children

  46. Natalia says:

    I, too, do not like kids – I don’t have the patience for them. Further, I don’t eve like carrying around a purse so I cannot imagine toting a child everywhere I go. And whenever I’m met with comments like, “you’d be a great mom,” or “it’s different when they’re you own,” I just want to reply with, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME! And stop trying to force your lifestyle on me!” No, not every woman wants or needs kids and not every woman would “be a great mom.” To confirm this statement, let me remind the baby-pushers of the world of a few women who should have never given birth: Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Casy Anthony, and Diane Downs. So the next time a woman says she never wants kids, smile and reply, “good for you.”

  47. Karen j says:

    just curious.. why would someone who loves having kids and everything about them show up here on such a site? not being facisious but honestly just curious…

  48. Karen j says:

    47 and never had children for many reasons. Yes I am selfish and do not care to give up any aspects of my life to creating little monsters that grow up to be unappreciative human beings.
    I currently have a relationship with a man that has two boys part time and I can barely tolerate it. Even though they are 14 and 16 I feel no sense of enjoyment when they are here. i

  49. lunita says:

    Yikes! So glad this thread is out there! I have made it to 51 without EVER having changed a diaper and I have no intention of breaking my record. FWIW, I agree that mostly it’s a case of the parents: parents who make their kids the center of the universe, parents who don’t set boundaries, parents who create entitled, spoiled brats. What 12 year old should be able to interrupt a conversation incessantly? Or what 10 year old should be allowed to throw a hissy fit for losing at a board game when he’d gloat if he were winning? Uterine Borne Parasites. My boyfriend has two and they he treats them as if they were guests in his home (every other weekend and every Monday), waits on them hand and foot. No responsibilities. No objectivity when it comes to one’s one kids I guess. I won’t be able to hang much longer.

    • Karen j says:

      same! my bf waits on them hand and foot.. they are lazy spoiled kids.. I’ve been with him and them for 7 years… He wants to get them full time and that will be the day I put my walking boots on… nope.. I’m not getting any younger and will not give up my life to them.

    • Dianna says:

      Hi Lunita, I’ve made it to 54 without EVER changing a diaper, and will never ever start. Thankfully, my hubby feels the same way as I do towards kids – we don’t like them, period. I actually feel disgust and aversion towards babies, and just keep me away from the toddlers. No desire to oooh and ahhhh and play pattycake. Sorry your boyfriend has a couple of spawn. You’ll have to seriously decide how much longer you can take it. Its not worth it.

  50. Allison says:

    Beautiful! I am currently holed up in my room at my in-laws, hiding out from 2 little darlings who showed up unannounced today for a weekend visit. An entire weekend. I hate the fact that no matter what I say, they try to feed my dog food that could kill him, run around banging on the walls and yelling, and leave stinking messes everywhere. I also hate the permanent stickiness that oozes from their hands. I do not like children. I never have liked children. I hated kids when I was a child for the same reason as I do now: the smells, the noises, the chaos. Now that I can’t be legally bound to be around them, it seems the more I try to avoid them or ignore them, the more someone wants to shove them in my face. (“Here! The product of my loins! Look at it. LOOK AT IT!”)
    I’ve noticed that some of the stores around here are starting to put “Customers with Children” parking in prime spots. I’d like one for “Customers Who are Annoyed by the Very Sight of Children Behaving Badly and Want to Get the Hell Out of Here ASAP.” Until then, I still plan to nab the spot when it strikes my fancy. People with actual physical issues should get more of the close parking, anyway. Having children is not a handicap, although it is often (OFTEN) a mistake.

    • Don't Be A Bitch says:

      The spots for people with small children are necessary. I, personally, am unsure of my desire for children, but the people with kids really do need those spots. I have a good number of cousins, and when I go shopping with them, those places are a lifesaver. If you had a squirming brat and a few bags in your arms, you’d agee that the spots are truly r required. Don’t make someone carry a brat any father than absolutely necessary. Please don’t steal the spots.

      • Klio says:

        I will now make it a point to seek, park and laugh maniacally as i walk into the store. If you don’t want to carry your brat it is sooooo not my problem.

        Do people with children EVER walk?

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  52. Christy says:

    Geez I’m so glad I googled “I don’t like kids.” I feel better about myself now. I needed to hear from other people with the same feelings. I used to (and actually still do) love dolls. Used to love kids and babysit and want my own. Then, I grew up. I don’t mean that rudely. It’s just my personal facts. I can’t stand when people “show you their” and wait for your googley reaction. I dont see what the big deal is. i will go googley for your pets though. I won’t bother rehashing the post, but I feel it and thank you!

    • CatsNotKids says:

      Are you in my head???? I visited my friends with kids last night and waited and waited to be moved by the toddler running around and newborn baby in her grandmother’s arms. Not a flicker in my cold heart. Don’t care, be quiet, stop whining. Then the cat came out of the bedroom. KITTYILOVEYOU!!! Just how I’m made. Won’t apologize for how I feel – won’t mistreat a kid, but won’t be ashamed for a feeling.

  53. Tara says:

    To Nissa! Finally, who understands! I don’t like children. I cannot stand them. I hate being around them, I hate holding babies and I don’t think they’re cute. Even as a child, I didn’t like babies. As to the person above who said people who don’t like kids, don’t like people, I don’t see it as being the same thing…although there are a lot of people out there that act like full grown children (and those I can’t stand).

  54. Ilon says:

    Thank you men and women for this website! Now I know that I am not the only human being in society that feels this way. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful mother with two kids and this relationship is really taking it’s toll because of our differences.

    Although I will admit that my father was abusive with me during my upbringing; I still believe that this is not the reason why I dislike kids & don’t have any kids of my own.. As much as I try to force myself to be a part of the family I am the way I am, her kids know it and I am starting to recent them for ruining our relationship. I do love them, but they do annoy me most of the time. The are 13 (boy) and 15 (girl), know that I am not affectionate and that they wouldn’t get away with half of the things they get away with if I was the father. They do get good grades in school therefore the mother lets them get away with the misbehaving must of the time.

    She is a divorced single mother that somewhat despises her ex-husband for cheating on her. She doesn’t admit it, but believes that every man is a “player” and does not trust anyone, this is also part of the problem. As much as I can understand her situation of having to raise her kids at a very young age, the father eventually excepted his responsibilities as a parent and has joint custody.

    Why am I in this relationship you might ask? Because I met her at work and had never dated anyone with kids (she was my first). So no I didn’t know what I was getting myself into; I dislike when people say that, lol! I moved in with her and her kids 10 months after we began dating, figured since we lived so far away and we were always together that it was the best thing to do. It has been 2.2 yrs and I am starting to second guess my decision. I need some good advice from people that think alike…

  55. sara says:

    Life can be miserable when you have no desire to have children. I have been made to feel that my lack of desire to have children or even be around them is a mental illness, or some type of genetic disorder. My sister is a single parent and i often help her out with her son, but I don’t enjoy it. As a child, i didn’t like other children, and did not like playing with dolls. All I wanted was to be an adult. Whenever I hit a milestone that led me (in my opinion) closer to adulthood, it was the best day of my life. I agree that baby showers are awkward, that children are no “miracle”, and pregnancy isnt cute. It seems trendy lately to have maternity pictures, and they make my stomach turn. I wish i could be happy for parents to be, but i just feel sorry for them, and angry that I cant be accepted as a person that doesnt want to reproduce as much as they want to.

  56. William says:

    Little children are lots of fun. Then they grow up. Having children these days is tough because of how difficult it is for them to get out on their own. My 24 year old son is moving to IOWA for God sake, just to get a good job. My 21 year old is an amazing musician/songwriter who may never leave. Uh having children is a big job and responsibility and at least half of the people you know think you are not doing it correctly. That being said…I love my son’s and all of the chaos the have brought into my life.is

  57. smokie says:

    I’m not clueless. I just found it sad that someone would say they flat out don’t like kids. I can express that and not be clueless. I am not a total kid person myself, but I don’t dislike the little tykes. We were all kids at one point. I remember once, years ago, my son was watching some kid show and I said something like, “Oh this movie is full of kids,” and I kind of frowned. He looked so hurt and asked me, “You don’t like kids?” So, that is my point of reference when I hear adults say that they don’t like children. In life we won’t all agree, and it does not hurt one bit when a commenter disagrees with the masses.

  58. Krista says:

    Like others, I much prefer animals over children. I don’t hate children, I am just uncomfortable around them because truthfully, I have only been around kids only as a child and very few times as an adult. That said, I still wouldn’t mind having one child but at my age that will not likely happen and I am perfectly happy being childless.

  59. Caroline says:

    Love the article and the comments (except for clueless Smokie’s of course)! Thank you, ladies, for expressing the same thoughts and feelings I’ve had many times myself over the years. When I was married and people asked us when we were going to start having kids, you’d thought we were committing a felony by saying we were going to stay childfree! So many judgments and expectations in our culture, esp for women. And I’ve never liked kids – didn’t like babysitting as a kid, always preferred adults. And I do not attend baby showers, baptisms, or have friends with small children. Yawn. Getting pregnant and having a baby is NOT a miracle, just freakin’ biology! And I hate it when men say “WE’re having a baby.” Yeah, right! The biggest challenge I run into is with dating: sooo many men have kids, issues with custody and the ex(es), child support – and they’re often looking for the next “mommy” for their kid(s). Very frustrating trying to find a like-minded guy. So grateful for this website!

  60. A in NYC says:

    The pet comparison is a good one. With kids and dogs alike, you get what you raise. If you train them (and yes, you train a child) and are consistant in what you expect and how you react when you don’t get exactly that, other people won’t mind being around them. Bottom line.

    I once heard it said that the only job of a parent is to teach their children that they are not the center of the universe and that other people matter. I couldn’t agree more. Children and dogs are born with the instinct to achieve self-contentment. It is up to their parents to teach them that what they want is not always a priority.

  61. Kitty says:

    I’ve never been a fan either. I get my snuggling and nurturing fix from animals wanting to love and be loved. There are plenty of us happily child-free types around – we just keep quiet to avoid being shunned!

  62. Guest says:

    And Smokie’s response is the perfect example of why it is hard to admit you don’t like being around kids. People who don’t even know you judge you to be a bad person who can’t love.

  63. SJA says:

    Hey Smokie: I disagree that saying you don’t like kids is the same as saying you don’t like people. I think the comments reflect the honest feelings of a number of women who chose not to have children. Although many posts were strongly worded, I think you’d agree that being honest about that the fact that you don’t want to be a mother and acting on that feeling rather than succumbing to family and societal pressure is a good thing.

    It’s good to read a dissenting opinion though! It’s all part of the exchange.:-)

  64. smokie says:

    Wow. People can just say ANYTHING on the internet now. Don’t like kids and proud of it. SMH That’s like saying you don’t like people. Weren’t we created to love one another? How depressing.

  65. SJA says:

    I really enjoyed reading this post and the comments of other readers. I’ve often thought that I missed out on a lot by not having children, especially when I hear powerful women who’ve made significant contributions to the world state that they feel their most important contribution, and most fulfilling life experience, was being a mother. On the other hand, I too have observed this new generation of whining, ungrateful, and entitled kids being raised in this culture and I shudder to think what will happen to our society in the future as they grow up and take the reigns of power. Also, I have observed many girlfriends who, though married, have had to pretty much raise their kids on their own. For them, it seems that it was marriage that was overrated, as their husbands did not do their part financially, emotionally, or otherwise. Most of them are high-earning professionals who told me prior to getting married that they were certain they would have children whether or not they decided to wed. In retrospect, perhaps their husbands sensed this and decided they didn’t need to make an effort.

  66. Erica says:

    I’m one of those people who only likes her own kid! My daughter will be 16 in a few months. I never wanted kids (this one kinda snuck up on me) & I’ve made sure not to have another one! I always get questions about having more children & people are shocked to hear me say I don’t want another child. They are appalled to hear me say I look forward to when my soon-to-be-sixteen-year-old leaves! Don’t misunderstand me, I absolutely love my daughter, but I know I love her more now that she is capable of taking care of herself. Thankfully, she wasn’t a fussy baby, very easy going & I know I was lucky because I’ve heard many horror stories of inconsolable babies, but I didn’t enjoy her as much as I do now. I think about the greater amount of freedom I will gain when she goes off to college & I am not willing to give that up to raise another child. I have managed to date men who do not have kids & if I marry I expect my intended to not have nor want kids. People say I’m unrealistic, or, since I’m 34, I’ll change my mind. I know for certain kids are absolutely out of the question.

  67. Beth O'Donnell says:

    Kids are a pain in the arse. There, I said it.

  68. Judy says:

    I just realized yesterday that I really do love kids; it’s their parents that I can’t stand. I have friends and relatives that don’t want to do the hard work of parenting. It’s those kids that are difficult to be around. Good parents (and I do know a few) bring playmates for their kid so that they aren’t constantly bugging the adults for interaction. Good parents take their loud, squirmy kids out of restaurants and sit with them in the car. Good parents tote around books, games and toys so that their kids a have something to do during visits or wait times.

    I figured out long ago that I was too selfish to devote my entire life to the job of parenting. And I won’t even being the discussion of co-parenting and the mom-dad-kid duties. I don’t say ‘selfish’ with shame. I knew it and I didn’t screw up by caving to social pressure and reproducing.

    • Tuesday says:

      Kudos, Jane. You hit the nail right on the head. I for one love children. Always have, always will. I like animals, too, but I’d rather be around a child than a dog or cat anyday. No comparison to me.

      You were so right Jane regarding the differentiation between good parents and not so good parents. It’s not the kids’ fault, I believe it’s the parents. They forget to raise them and let their little unhinged offspring run rampant, but still think you are suppose to shower them with admiration and praise just because they (the parents) worship them too. And I also never understood why parents take children places where there will be a long waiting time and never think to bring the kids something that will entertain them. And then these same parents annoy everyone else by yelling and threatening to beat the child because the kid is bored and now running rampant. Also,
      I hate it when the child wants to play with another kid, the parent either act like their child is too cute or too smart to converse with other children, so this increase the child’s boredom and desire to run climb, annoy, etc. Note to parents: Please remember kids (yes, even your children) have short attention spans and get bored easily, so plan accordingly. No one else is responsible for your child’s entertainment.

  69. Barbara says:

    I didn’t like being a kid, I think in part because I didn’t enjoy the world of children and wanted to be around adults. I like them a bit more now that I am old enough that I know I won’t have them.

  70. Rhona says:

    I can totally relate. Kids are so irritating and annoying and loud. When I am at a mall or in a grocery store, I stay clear of them. I felt her pain when she was stuck at the shower. I was at a baptism the other day and honestly, there was 1 kid there and she was so annoying. I had to force smiles when she came up to me. In my mind I was like, get away! I actually think she sensed my dislike as she didn’t come to me often. This happens a lot so I know I throw off a vibe of dislike. Even commercials with kids annoy me. I HATE when kids act cute and baby talk. Stop! Most times, I hate them also. Not all the time but most. I would say 99% of the time. I have a new niece and although cute, when my sister and husband visit and I am often wondering, when are they leaving? I can’t take it. Her cries are the worst! When my older niece and nephew come over to visit, I only tolerate them for certain amounts of time. Usually you will find me in my old bedroom locked there for an hour when kids visit. I find them so overwhelming and I don’t like it. The place I hate kids the most are in grocery stores. People, keep your bad kids in check. I don’t want your kid running into my legs in the line. I don’t want your kid staring at me while I wait to pay for my groceries. And, why is your kids screaming? Do something about it. Argh.
    So, she is not alone. My love for kids is non existent and I like it that way. And, there are lots of groups and sites out there online who are not afraid to proclaim their dislike of children.

  71. LQ says:

    This is just how I feel, though there are tiny numbers of individual kids I’m OK with for short periods of time. I don’t like baby photos, toddler photos, etc., and I’m generally uncomfortable around kids. I’m ALWAYS polite about people’s kids and pride about their kids, but I don’t enjoy spending time around them, and I wish people didn’t expect that I do enjoy it just because I’m female. The thing that bothers me the most is when women try to hand me their baby or toddler on the expectation that I want to hold their child. I don’t — if I do, I will ask. I’m then in the uncomfortable position of looking like a total freak if I say no, and doing something I find totally awkward, unpleasant, a little frightening (what if I drop the baby?), and often sticky if I say yes. (And they never try handing their child to my husband, even if the child is his relation rather than mine!)

    It’s okay for me to not be interested in sports or meat or veggies or the outdoors or reading or cooking or exercise or cleaning or school, but somehow this isn’t okay. I have one friend who asks me Every. Time. We. Get. Together. (“Are you sure?” YES. The fact that I brought your little boy a teddy bear just means we’re friends and I’m a decent person.)

  72. Cheri says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with Nissa, the poster. I have no patience when it comes to being around children. Loud people of any kind make me want to get away as fast as I can and that’s about the only volume level most kids under the age of 8 operate at. And I HATE having to pretend that I think someone being pregnant is so exciting and that babies and kids are cute and their mundane and stupid little accomplishments are “awesome!” or whatever. Newsflash….almost ANYBODY can have a baby. Why do we have to act like it’s such a big freaking deal??!! It’s not!! I think it’s a bigger deal to realize you don’t care to have them and refuse to be pressured by society to have them and/or realize the world is overpopulated and somebody has to be unselfish enough to see that, as well as not be so selfish as to bring an innocent life into a world filled with so much greed, dishonesty, lack of morals, etc., etc. etc. I’ve never had the desire to have kids, but as I get older and watch the news and see how different the world is then when I was growing up, I’m saddened by what I see and thankful I haven’t and won’t be worrying about the future of my child and how difficult it will be.

    I do struggle sometimes with the guilt from the fact that I have no desire at all to see my only sisters two small girls. When I occasionally call my parents to chat, it seems like they are always babysitting my sisters older 2 1/2 yr old daughter and all I hear is her squealing or being really loud in the background, so I inevitably cut the conversation short. I have no desire at all to see the kids, which I feel badly about, but I just can’t help it. Nothing is more annoying than trying to visit with a friend or family member and having to deal with screaming, crying, squealing, or Mom!, Mom!, Mom!, Mom! repeatedly, either in person or in the background while on the phone. I think people who have kids think everyone has them or just automatically believes everyone should understand “kids being kids”, but the truth is, not everyone does think screaming, running, obnoxious little kids are cute or funny or no big deal. When I was a kid, my parents always gave my sister and I “the talk” before we went into places and Dad also said kids were to be seen and not heard. Needless to say, we were very well behaved kids. I’m appalled at kids nowadays and how parents let them act in public and especially at restaurants. Why can’t people just get babysitters instead of dragging a 2 year old to a steakhouse??!!

    Sadly, because I do not have children, nor enjoy being around them or talking about them, I basically have no friends now that every single one of my friends has kids. That would be fine, but they either drag their kids to our outings, can’t go out because of their kids, want to visit at their house amidst their kids’ constant interruptions or won’t talk about anything else besides their kids on the rare times you can get them alone without their kids. It’s just more trouble and headache than it’s worth, it seems, so I just stay home in the peace and quiet with my well behaved dog kids. :)

  73. cynthia verrone says:

    well, as a mother of 2 college age children I can honestly admit to this:
    - having children is overrated – definitely not for everyone; in fact not for most people
    - I’m not particularly fond of them either, especially OPKs (other people’s kids)

    Kids shouldn’t be treated differently than Household pets – I love my dog (and kids) but I don’t assume that everyone wants my dog in their home, want’s their licks, bad breath and other annoyances.

  74. khan says:

    I didn’t like kids when I was one (kindergarten on up); now over 60, never had any.

  75. Sandy says:

    OMG – she is playing my song! I love animals – anything furry or feathery and I’m THERE. That has made people ask me why I don’t have kids since I am maternal with animals. I was not born with a maternal towards kids bone/desire/etc. I don’t dislike them – I just don’t care for them. I am better as they get older (ask my stepdaughter) though. However, that isn’t enough to want to be a parent – so I never was. Thank goddess for the pill! I could control it. But, when I am around people with children and the kids come up (which they inevitably do), I want to leave the room. I find childbirth stories horrifying and/or boring. Thank you for helping me come out of the closet, too and admit it – I don’t like kids and I’m very glad I don’t have any.

    • Janine says:

      I am exactly the same. I never tire of cat pictures on Facebook. I will run across the road to pat one, and I do feel maternal pangs towards cats. Kids, however, is a different story. I believe the litmus test of whether you have those pangs for human babies is when a new mum brings her baby into the office. Watch all the women go ga-ga and squeal with delight – like bees to honey – EXCEPT YOU, right? I am 46 and have zero regrets about not having kids. I think they can be cute, but that’s not sufficient reason to have them.

      • Candi Beamish says:

        She is totally singing my song! I always felt this way, even as a kid I didn’t enjoy hanging out with other kids much, preferring adults and couldn’t wait to grow up. I love this page and all the comments are great :)

  76. Big Daddy says:

    I’m the opposite. I love kids but I’m glad I don’t have any. They are funny and interesting and smart. Except when they aren’t which are the times at which I’m glad I don’t have one. It would be just my luck to get the one who’s a complete jerk. And like the poster said, you can’t send that one back in exchange for a pleasant one. The thing that I don’t like about children is their parents’ at-times unwillingness to believe that my life wouldn’t be immeasurably improved by proximity to their offspring. I often can’t decide if the parents are validating their decision to have kids with me as a filter or if they just want a break. Either way, I don’t want to babysit. Incidentally, I’ve discussed this at length with my mother, who obviously does have children. She feels the same way I do.

  77. Dana says:

    OMG! This piece articulates every thought and feeling that I have not been able to…I never wanted the responsibility and messiness of kids…knew it from the beginning. Like the author, I don’t go out of my way to terrorize kids but the parents who try and foist their little “angels” upon those of us who find them downright unpleasant are out of touch. I have a single nephew who was born into a family of four siblings and two sets of grandparents. I remember feeling guilty when the realization came over me that “no” I really didn’t want to argue with my other siblings over who got to “keep” him that weekend. As he has gotten older it is even less pleasant…he’s quite overindulged and selfish, it’s always an expensive weekend and I am left on Sunday evening with a stressed out dog, a sink full of dishes, a torn up house, down the price of a nice evening out and exhausted. Why did I feel like I should be rapt with the honor of his presence. It’s not his fault he’s spoiled and self centered but I shudder to think of his teen years…whoa! Most mornings I thank God I am single and childless…by choice! Thanks for the opportunity to read your blog, Eleanore! You rock!

  78. Stephanie M says:

    I don’t like kids.

    I don’t dislike them, or wish them any harm – but I don’t want any of my own, and I don’t like to be around anybody else’s.

    They are loud. They are messy. They are self-centered. They are constantly underfoot. They are nuisances. They aren’t “innocent” – they are new human beings who haven’t learned better yet.

    It isn’t their fault, and as they get older they (most of them, anyway) will learn how to behave and become less unpleasant to be around.

    For the longest time, I felt guilty about admitting those feelings to myself – let alone others. But as I’ve gotten older and a bit more self-assured, I’m comfortable with admitting it. Anybody who knows me understands my position – I don’t like kids, but I’m certainly not a monster who goes around knocking over baby strollers and kicking little kids’ toys into the gutters – I just don’t like being around them. They are not my cup of tea.

    To sum it up, I basically just want to co-sign everything in the post. Very well said!

    • CLV says:

      Agreed – on everything expressed above! I will also add that I couldn’t even imagine myself attending a baby shower. Would be way too uncomfortable. That would be a send my regrets and mail a gift type of occasion!!

  79. Ellipsis says:

    I think she has a very good point. Certain children can be likable if you’re around them for a limited amount of time and of course everyone was a child once. Children have varying temperaments but in general they are kind of loud (especially the younger ones) and aren’t experienced at controlling their emotions and behavior.

    I definitely agree that children should be kept to age-appropriate venues. Children shouldn’t be brought to fine restaurants except during designated times, etc. Parents should teach their children how to behave in public in parks and child-appropriate venues. Then, they can take them to certain things that they are interested in. Anyway, good article.

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