I Don’t Like Kids. There. I Said It.

Last week I received an interesting email from a reader about some of the dynamics behind being childfree. She has observed that women who have chosen to be childfree often feel the need to profess how much they love and enjoy kids, but that they just don’t want any. Her question was: “Where are all the women who actually don’t like kids? I can’t be the only one.” She went on to say, “There seems to be a belief that not liking kids = bad person. The fact that I have a college degree, have been gainfully employed since high school, volunteer to feed the hungry at Thanksgiving…all of it is brushed aside as meaningless because I don’t like kids. I also wouldn’t want an elephant, because it doesn’t fit into my lifestyle.”

I’m sure she’s not the only one who doesn’t like kids, either. I’ve come across a few. I’ve actually uttered those words myself, usually half-jokingly. Half-jokingly because there are lots of kids I do like…just not all of them. Since I don’t really have a strong opinion about this, I thought it would be great for her to write a guest post on this very topic.

Here’s what Nissa has to say:

I recently attended the baby shower of a friend I’ve had for over a decade. As I struggled to smile through the “pass the diaper” game while kids ran in and out of the room, I could see that I was the only one who was uncomfortable. The others cheerfully spoke over the banging of the toys, the shrieking, and the drone of the kids’ video. I had to fight a desire to run to my car and drive to my peaceful post-divorce, childfree home.

This wasn’t always the case. In spite of all the realistic career, financial, environmental and overpopulation reasons to not have children, I grew up thinking I’d be like everyone else. I did get married. However, when I spent time around my friends’ kids I noticed….it wasn’t fun. I wasn’t having that “oh aren’t they cute” feeling. The feeling I got was, “no thanks, I think I’ll pass” and “how soon can I leave?”

When I mentioned this to people, they comforted me by saying “Oh, just have them – you’ll feel different when they are your own….I hate other people’s kids but I love mine”. Everyone spoke about how wonderful they are – sweet, cute, how everything is new to them, how it makes you appreciate life.

What worried me about this scenario was that babies are permanent. It’s not like a dress that I could return if it just wasn’t working for me. Maybe I just needed to try on a baby before buying?

Being an auntie seemed like a good compromise. You know, enjoy all the good parts and then reap the financial benefits of being childless. So I tried. I spent time with babies, with little kids and bigger kids, with ADD kids and “good kids”.

But the more I tried, the less I enjoyed them. I didn’t find babies cute – they were just uninteresting. I didn’t enjoy the crying, the smells and the random smears of what might be chocolate or poop. With the older kids, the sweetness that sometimes surfaced was quickly drowned out by the mood swings from happy to angry to tears every 10 minutes. The wonder of all-things-new was swamped by the incessant noise of toys, TV and questions about everything under the sun. Conversations, shopping trips or a visit to the bathroom were punctuated with interruptions, disagreements and whining.

My experiences with other people’s kids proved to me I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t enjoy being responsible for someone else’s entertainment, feeding needs, bathroom needs and emotional needs. The good parts did not come anywhere near compensating me for what I was giving up to be with them.

In the end, I just didn’t like them. I far prefer quiet, order and predictability. I enjoy offering my gifts of love, nurturing and compassion to adults, who are often in need of those very gifts.

So technically, children have made me appreciate life…the life I have without them.

Interesting…provocative…well-said. Comments?

This entry was posted in being single, child free, childfree, divorced women, Happily single, The Spinsterlicious Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

253 Responses to I Don’t Like Kids. There. I Said It.

  1. Namaste says:

    I’m 42 and childfree. Out of the blue, I had a friend tag me on Facebook, on a picture of her two daughters. I’ve never even met them, let alone the fact that I’m not a kid-friendly person. When you are tagged on a post of someone’s kids, what are you supposed to say? Obviously, everyone else commented on how beautiful they are, etc. What else was I supposed to do, other than being politically correct and doing the same? For future reference, I don’t know how to make her not tag me. I don’t like kids and I respect those who are parents and love their offspring. We don’t all feel the same way about your kids though!

  2. hayley says:

    my husband and I are childfree…well we have 2 wonderful rat terrier dogs we spoil we hate how people choose to look down on you because you choose not to further over populate this world people will tell you that you will regret it….yeah having all your money to yourself and vacationing anywhere you want just sounds awful , huh? or they’ll say ‘don’t u want someone to care for you when youre older…..?’ well there are no guarantees that child will want to or be able to care for you anyway our neighbors have 3 kids who live out of state and guess who helps them….? WE DO!!!!! my grandmother’s son did nothing for her while she was alive and my grandpa just got put in a home well i cam put myself in a home someday I say let people live and respect one another’s choices

  3. E.P. says:

    I am a male, turning 31 this year. I don’t like kids that much, or at least the responsibility that it takes. I am also an HFA (high-functioning autistic), so I think that plays a part in it. I don’t think I’d be a very good father – the issues with empathy would probably spill over into parenthood. I can take care of myself, but I don’t know if I can take care of somebody else. Does that make sense?

  4. Lauri says:

    I was wondering if i had a problem that so many people in the world go crazy over children and want them so bad. Breaking their backs to look after them. I am 25 years old and I say this with a heavy heart but i do not like children. Anyone under the age of 18. I literally cringe around them. They are so LOUD and seem to me like burdens honestly. I dont know how parents dont see it…everything that they do irritates me. And you never know how that child is going to turn out shit and thats your responsibility. I would rather buy tickets around the world lol and enjoy myself. Maybe i would like my own child one but thats it. I mostly hate other people’s children and when they are near me, i want to RUN.

  5. Clare says:

    It’s great to see a lot more openness now – albeit behind the relative anonymity of online – about being cheerfully childfree. I think people need to be clear on the distinction between childfree vs ‘being on the fence’. Childfree means that you would never have children under ANY circumstances, i.e. abortion is always one option. Certain segments of society find the topic abhorrent, but a lot of us don’t. Fact.

    I’m 34 and never had any interest in or desire for children at any point. I was/am a high achiever academically, financially, etc. and was never in a stable position until around 32 to even think about future/family, etc. However, I have never felt anything towards kids – except for irritation when they are boisterous. I would never hurt them – I just plain don’t care about them in a nurturing way.

    What I do resent is the fact that as a female, in particular, you apparently need to have a clear justification for not wanting any or a specific fertility problem or a “bad childhood”. As a matter of fact, I had good parents, they loved me to bits and still do. But that has had no bearing on my desire to go through childbirth and motherhood. Whereas my cousins who were equally loved want the traditional family set-up wholeheartedly. It’s down to personality type in my opinion. Also, both men and women can be nurturing – it’s just inaccurate to say that it’s a ‘female’ trait. Just my 2 cents.

  6. Marie says:

    I am 24 year old, I never liked children or should I say, children younger than me, even when I was in my teens. I never liked babies and for the love of God I never understood was is so “cute” about babies…They look ugly, they are noisy, messy and take up too much time.
    I kept telling myself I might consider kids on my own when I reach my thirties (to pass on my genes as is normal in nature, NOT to feel the joy to having children).
    Unfortunately, I was not too careful and ended up pregnant at 19 years old. By then I was married and thought that having an abortion would be a very bad start in the marriage, so I kept the baby.
    Now, 3 years later, I keep having thoughts of “what ifs”.
    Do not get me wrong, my daughter is well taken care of, she is healthy and strong, doctors always get amazed by her stats. But I do not enjoy motherhood AT ALL. I hate it. I love my daughter but I dislike her for the burden she represents.
    I always see parents cooing at their children and mothers feeling fulfilled by them, and I just don’t understand it.
    Right now, the only highlight in my life is that my daughter is to start school this fall, and I can’t wait to finally have a few hours “child-free” each day.

  7. Jeane says:

    I loved reading this post and everyone of the comments. This is a breath of fresh air. I’ve never had the urge to reproduce and honestly never thought anything of it. Me not wanting to have or raise children only became an issue when I got married and harassed non stop by friends, family and random people I hardly know. I don’t understand why others need to push their life style onto me or treat me like a monster for not wanting them. I’m happy for those who choose to have children and raise them well, that doesn’t bother me one bit. I despise consistently having to justify why I don’t want children. It’s not for me, I have no patience for the yelling, screaming, crying and temper tantrums, and all the positive moments do not out way the negatives.

    I’m happy being child free and married to a man who feels the same way. I have a young niece and nephew; love them to pieces but when the crying and tempers flair, I’m done, I want to leave the room and go home. I do not envy my sister’s and brother in law’s life raising kids. I respect them for their hardships raising the little ones. My sister has always wanted children.

    My maternal instinct are are not geared towards babies and young children, I don’t find them cute and I do not like holding them or really being around them. I love cats and dogs, anytime I see them, I must pet them.

    A light hearted funny response I like to say whenever I get asked if I want children is “I’m still practicing”. People usually have a chuckle and change topics.

  8. A says:

    Thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts. I share a lot of the same feelings and feel relieved to know I’m not alone. I suspect there are a considerable number of people I know who feel the same way, but it’s something most of us feel awkward, ashamed, or defensive about. While I try to distance myself from the cynicism that some others have shared about humanity and children especially, I agree that if I’m honest, I simply don’t like most children. I am still in my early twenties and I know my life could turn out so many different ways, but I am thinking through this a lot, especially after breaking off a short relationship after realizing he and I had different visions of parenthood.

    I think I’m empathetic and compassionate, and I think people who know me would agree. I get deep satisfaction out of giving and receiving love in my relationships with my family, friends, co-workers, and students. Most of my close girlfriends all deeply desire to become mothers someday, and I totally respect that and look forward to being an auntie. But it’s hard for us to understand each other (although thankfully there’s no judgment), and I fear that in the next ten or even five years, we will struggle to relate to each other. I think I’m still too young to get direct comments about why I don’t want kids/how I’ll change my mind someday, but of course American culture and my church community still largely promote the marriage + kids vision as the default if you’re a decent human being, especially for women.

    I own that for a lot of people, parenthood is fulfilling despite the enormous cost and investment, but I just don’t see parenthood and me as a good match. I’m thankful I’m realizing who I am and what my values are while I’m young and before I’ve committed to a relationship. I deeply value my spirituality, taking walks and praying, traveling, keeping up with my friends from all over the world, and reading and writing regularly. This is how I feel alive. Most, if not all, of this would be taken away or greatly reduced if I had children. Parenting is exhausting and demanding for everyone, but for someone whose personality, health, convictions, etc. are not compatible with parenting, what a nightmare!

    I do think I want to get married, and my dream is to find a partner who shares my conviction about parenthood. If an accidental pregnancy happened, I would accept it and I do think I could be a good mother. However, I feel it’d be unnatural and draining to the point of losing my identity. I do find adoption to be a very moving act and would be open to fostering or even adopting an older child someday, but that’s so much work, too–arguably more work in some ways. I hope to serve my community and the next generation by hosting college students, especially international students studying abroad. That’s who I’d like to be my “kids” and family. 😉 I also know more than one child-free and/or single adult who is a massive force for good in his/her community by mentoring at-risk youth. These people devote their time, energy, and resources to helping LOTS of young people rather than pouring everything into one person and spoiling them. And that’s just people who still engage with kids; there are countless ways to serve and love people while staying far, far away from kids. I wish you all the best on your journey!

    Finally, a quote about pondering life direction that gets me every time:

    “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

    ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

  9. kiehl says:

    never liked kids either, I am a female of 24 years, most of my friends are in their late 20s and are getting married and planning kids and I never dared to express myself freely to them, even my bf pretended that he don’t like kids to have me in his life but just now I discovered he has very soft feelings for little kids, he literally cursed me two times for his niece… it’s really hard to find people who have same taste as me when it comes to kids.

  10. Dia says:

    I am almost 21 years old, and I can NOT stand children. Babies, toddlers, doesn’t matter the age, I don’t want them around me. I usually am able to keep my anxiety under control but a child who is crying, whining, asking me questions, purposefully doing something they know they are not supposed to do, wiping their dirty, sticky fingers all over everything.. it drives me absolutely nuts. I might even go as far to say that I HATE kids.

    Unfortunately, (Horrible to say, I know.) a lot of the men who I’ve dated in the past have had kids. Including my wonderful, current boyfriend. His son is 3, and for the most part a “good kid”. I was raised under very strict guidelines. His mother lets him do whatever the hell he wants, and spoils him every chance that she gets. I am not angry at her for this, but when he comes to my house and falls into his demanding, whiny, spoiled brat behaviors, I get aggravated. I constantly have to tell him what to do, even though he knows very well what rules I have set for my home. I have to force myself to be in a childcare environment for the sake of my boyfriend, but it is OH SO DIFFICULT. A child in any of my future relationships will be a deal breaker.

    As of now, I will NEVER have children. Just the thought of pouring all of my money, time, and what sanity I have left into an ungrateful little shit for 18 years makes me cringe. I am not fit to be a mother, obviously. I feel terrible about not being able to love this boy unconditionally, in fact I cry about it. He deserves to be loved and cared for and it breaks my heart that I can’t bring myself to step up and be his second mom in my heart, instead of just pretending to be.

    In my opinion, you do not have to like children. It’s great to see people who share my strong disliking for the little farts. But my advice for people who do not like them, is to stay away. Sounds simple, but like myself some of us try to please others by forcing ourselves to be around children and it’s REALLY not good for our mental state or well being. Lol, or maybe I’m just an asshole!

  11. Tired of being judged says:

    Some of the “judgment” comments are what has prevented me from saying I really prefer not to be around children for longer than a half hour unless they are happily occupied with something. I have grown children. Why must I explain to anyone that I loved them from day one but have no desire to help raise yours or be expected to be totally infatuated with them. That being said, I also have no desire to be around adults that expect me to be “gaga” over every new baby or every new accomplishment their kid has achieved. Glad you are proud of your kids & love them. Stop twisting my preference into thinking I am a monster or have a missing gene, brain disease or social disorder. I have at least 12 great grands & yes all their parents may think I am not wired right because I do not wish to spend my every waking moment revolving around them. I have a very nice, hard won life of my own that takes all I have in me to maintain. If I am playing the role of doting great grand parent to all the hordes…I would not have the time or energy to maintain my peace & contentment. I can guarantee none of them will spend any time or effort in helping me do that in exchange for time spent being that “doting” proper great grandparent. None of them have offered to spend time helping me do my thing. Yet they are all very willing to suck that life out of me. Tell me again who the self centered monsters really are?

  12. Mattyj says:

    I stumbled on this as I was chatting to a friend about this current trend that has gone beyond the valid decision not to have children to this unhinged dislike of them bordering into hatred. Was there any balance in a majority of these posts? Not often. There certainly is a problem with hating children and the proof is in the rated of abuse trauma institutions have put children through.
    On a lesser note to be annoyed by such trivialities as, shopping carts,baby talk, the odd tantrum or any number of normal foibles perhaps is more a reflection on the person who takes offence.
    I don’t want to have children but for god sake this new anti child wave is nasty.
    Many of you in confirming your extreme distaste for children ,despite this I’m a nice person blah, gave reasons. that indicated you indeed are not putting up much of an argument that you are a nice person.
    Give me a decent moral or ethical anti child argument. Not your own hubris.

  13. Tracie says:

    I do not like them. I have never liked them. I do not like being around them. I will not date anyone who has them. I don’t care if their kids are 50 years old and live on Mars, I just cannot be bothered. So, I date myself, because I cannot find men who do not have children of any age, and I’m ok with it.

  14. Trevor says:

    My girlfriend has two children, both boys, ages 4 and 9. The 9 year old is chill, he plays baseball and I coach. He’s into learning and so am I. I’m a good teacher and enjoy being around someone else who has a thirst for knowledge. Sometimes he doesn’t use common sense and I lose my patience, but all in all we get along.

    The 4 year old is the polar opposite. He spent his important learning years at home with his brain dead father, while his mom worked to support the family. (She’s a great woman whom I love to pieces and am trying to start a life with) The boy on the other hand, is a very slow learner, has horrible habits, doesn’t pick up after himself, rolls his eyes at everything, won’t stop talking about his piece of shit father, slurps his food, talks like he’s 2, acts worse than that, isn’t potty trained (and hasn’t taken to it in the three months we’ve been trying to teach—- we get him to the point where he’s doing it, he goes to his dad’s and loses all the progress we’ve made) BASICALLY I’m at my ropes end with this little kid. It’s not his fault that his family has failed to raise a decent human being… but why can’t he learn anything? I’m starting to DISLIKE this child… and now don’t know how to reverse it. I can hear him bawling from the shitter right now. I hate it. Basically I love his mother but I’m at a turning point here. What are the chances that I can change and learn to bite my tongue when he is acting like a disgusting little shit factory??? Can I ever make it work with his mother? Ugh this sucks so bad.

  15. Ryan says:

    Thank you for this piece. I just got back from a very good friend’s baby shower and I was uncomfortable for 2 hours. I left just in time because I had an anxiety attack in the car as soon as I got there. Then proceeded to feel guilty and broken because I dont like kids, nor do I ever want them. I also don’t wanna be around them for longer then about 30 seconds. I try but I just can’t. Baby booties and onesies were being taken out of gift bags by the dozen and all I could do was wonder how my favorite team was doing on the football field.

    Feeling this way makes you more than not the odd man out and it’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize you’re not only gifting a bucket of onesies to your friend but also saying it was fun, nice knowing you because you know she won’t be around anymore.

    • Mm says:

      Glad I’m not the only one in this world. Most people with kids first words out of their mouth is the, “I’m selfish” which is totally untrue. It’s my choice and no one else has to live with it but me just like I don’t have to live theirs. There, I said it! Lol

    • Honest answer says:

      I am a 40 yo female. I am still trying to figure out the root of my aversion to children/babies. Only child no cousins. Cancer in mid 20s.unable to have children. At the time did not want them. Can’t be sure if I have felt a ticking clock from time to time or just resent not having the option.

      I don’t want to dislike children. It is alienating. And let’s face it they are everywhere and all my friends have them. Even my husbands daughter just had one. (Notice my inability to claim stepdaughter or grandchild) I am the adult that moves in a restaurant and grumbles when an unruly child is around. I will glare at a misbehaving child causing them to cry. I have a physical reaction when around them. I get anxiety that leads to panic attacks. That normally turns to anger. I try and tune them out with little to no sucess (and yes i am also equally irritated at the poor parenting involved). I don’t want to hold your kid, hear about them or look at pictures. I try and run errands or travel when kids are in school to avoid negative emotions. When I save up to go out to eat I want to have a relaxing time where I can hear my husband and not deal with children sceaming, yelling, running around the restaurant. My parents got a sitter when they went out,out of respect to those around them. Why am I intolerant when it used to be seen as disrespectful from the parents who took the child out,ruining others evenings?

      If a child is well mannered, they areally tolerable. I even thank them for acting so well. I worry because my aversion is getting stronger. My husband wants his daughter and her newborn to come visit this summer and I am already coming out of my skin at the idea of a child in my house. When he brought up having her live with us I was thinking divorce. Reading this article it did let me know I am not alone in my feelings but avoiding children to keep my emotions under control feels like a prison. I live in the south where it is all about family. I never expect to want to be a parent but would love a dose of a mother’s ability to tune out the annoyances. Which I have none. How do you get rid of such strong UNWANTED emotions?

      Thank-you for letting me vent, very long winded I know.

  16. Debbie Mattson says:

    Wow, it is soooooo comforting to know that I am not alone. I don’t get all ooey-gooey over children. Never did. I have to get to know a child one-on- one, gradually. Force them on me…..that’s not OK. People don’t teach children about boundaries anymore which makes me nuts. Good article.

  17. James Taylor says:

    I don’t have children as well. I have to be honest, i am like Michael Jackson in that sense, why should I have children when I’m a big kid myself? Basically, I like doing things I want to do by not worrying about finding a baby-sitter or asking a friend, relative to watch them. I can spend money on myself & I do with no regrets. No sacrificing. Not having to spend money on diapers, clothes, food. Them are the necessities but when you have children you can go broke during the first ten years of a child’s life. Buying clothes every six months because they are constantly growing. Children need nourishment, they need them three squares a day & many children are not even getting that. Most people have children for selfish reasons, a check (i.e welfare), control, someone to love, pressure either by peer or family. Back in the old days especially in the South children were an asset, they could tend to the field, milk the cows, slop the hogs, gather eggs from the chickens. But for 40 years they went from being an asset to a liability in some cases, that’s sad to me. Things have changed. Most females see children as dolls when they are babies then later on have problems with them because they realize unlike dolls, these babies GROW UP! Me, I been seen as some eunuch because I don’t have children. I admit I don’t like children, they don’t/ can’t do anything for me. I admit I am selfish but in a good way by not bringing children in the world for my own personal reasons but to where I put my needs first before anyone else without any harm to anyone. I don’t even like sharing food off my place so why would I want children? answer me that. I been told i’m going to be alone. Because i’m not married either. First off, I never found a woman I wanted to have kids with then by the age of 33 I decided I didn’t want any at all.

    • Yami says:

      Hello, Thank you for made me open my eyes and see there are some men out there that don’t want kids. I’m single, child free and don’t want kids but every men I have in my life wanted them and eventually the relationship didn’t work because they were expecting me to change mind later on. It’s not that I’m heartless. I’m a lovable person, I even took care of my nephews for almost 10 years and probably that’s the reason why I decided to have none. lol. well, I’m just glad there’s still hope for me out there to find a man that necessarily see me as a children factory and just see me as I am. Thank you James! Merry Christmas!

  18. Alan says:

    Contrary to popular belief, children are NOT innocent and pure. They are perhaps the most evil and sinful of people. The majority of them lack empathy and are not sensitive to the feelings and need of others.
    They can be as savage as dogs. Dogs can be euthanized. However, it’s usually not socially acceptable to euthanize children

  19. Who Cares says:

    Man fuck kids, especially little kids that whinny, aggravating, squeaky, high pitched voice is sooooooo annoying especially hearing that shit all day, having them ask question after question & talking just to talk, doing aggravating shit to get your attention, fuck little kids they’re cute & some aren’t bad at all but I feel like they are cute far, far away

    • Nick Ricketts says:

      I love this comment!

    • anonymous says:

      I’m with you on what you posted because I sympathize with you. As for the one who claimed that those who hate kids are terrible people, he or she’s a liar. So fuck that dumb-ass! Kid haters are here to stay, especially since they gave me a lot of crap!

    • Carey says:

      You know I like some kids but others like my nephew’s children who are so spoiled I can’t stand them. They are friendly with you if you give them something. It just seems that as I get older the less I want to be around them and my brother and wife’s life is centered around the them. Ugh!! I am a literacy reading tutor for inner/city first graders. I actually enjoy teaching and helping them it’s the disciplining that I have no tolerance for. Glad to see I’m not alone.

    • Leigh says:

      This is the best article EVER! I know we were all kids at one time and yes, someone dealt with and loved us. I love all parents who have, but let me say just because our parents did, does not mean it’s an inherent feeling that we will. I do not hate kids nor anything that has the same right to breathe as I do; I simply don’t like them. Yes, by choice I have chosen to remain single and childless because I quite frankly get on my own nerves and I don’t have the patience to deal with another person’s needs and wants, their whining and crying, telling them no all the time, please dont do that, please stop writing on the wall etc…
      I do not knock anyone for wanting or having kids, I do however have a problem that because you do, I’m suppose to fall into the mold of being happy that you do. No. And no, I do not want to watch your kids, hold them or be something to them all warm and squishy. I’m not heartless or cold, it’s just a preference that my life is the way it is for a reason; peaceful and quiet. When I go home, I can exhale without a shoe flying in my mouth. I love my life in this regard. I have seen and talked to so many people that envy my serenity and if they could exchange their life prior to kids, they would in a heartbeat, so it’s so good to hear I am not alone. I applaud all of you who feel the same!

      • Ryan says:

        This. Yes this. All my friends are having or have kids, all of them think that I SHOULD be over the moon for them but I can’t be. If they were yours it would be sooooooo different. I love my nephews but they get on my last nerve in about 10 minutes and I attribute the extra 9 minutes and 50 seconds to the fact we’re related.

        I’ve been blunt to a fault. No I will not baby sit. No I don’t want you to bring them over when we invite friends for a get together. No I will not watch my mouth when subjected to them in my house nor will I come hang out by you so I can blow my evening trying to to have adult conversations only to be interrupted every 18 seconds.

        And no I’m not happy you’re pregnant, I’ll miss you because let’s face it. We won’t see each other any more as you’re life is changing and mine is staying blissfully sane.

  20. Andrea says:

    Wow! I just read this and I feel like it was literally written for me. I feel the exact same way about children. I really want to like them but I just can’t. When I spend time with my niece and nephew I find myself thinking “are all kids this freaking annoying?!” And yes, I think they probably are.

  21. cmc says:

    Although I like kids, I can still respect your opinion. But in all honesty, there are annoying people of all ages, and often times I find many adults who are more irritating than children. Kids are young and do not know better and you expect needy, whiny behavior from them sometimes. However, when adults act bratty, obnoxious, self-entitled, etc. it’s just not acceptable to me and it seems pretty common in American society. Children are easier to control and shape particularly if they are your own haha. But I do respect the fact that you know what you want and do not bow down and fall to the pressures of society. I wish you well

    • Kathryn says:

      The key difference is when an adult does it and they don’t stop you can just punch them until they shut up. Obviously not the case with children.

  22. KingChris says:

    I do not hate children,
    I just hate when people make your feel guilty or treat you like your some type of Alien because your are 34 years old and have none. It can really effect someone self esteem in a negative way especially those who cannot produce children.

  23. Clare says:

    Wow. These comments make me sad.

    Kids are imperfect little humans and a work in progress just like adults. We were all kids once and I can guarantee that you were as difficult / demanding / messy / exhausting as the kids you complain about. Luckily most of us had parents / adults in our lives who were willing to sacrifice their own needs to raise us.

    If you don’t want kids – fine. But saying you don’t like them cos they’re icky shows immaturity. I guess caring for a sick family member or elderly relative would also be out of the question if it constrained your lifestyle too much.

    • Kelly says:

      Even if kids are icky that’s not the main reason why people hate kids. Financially why would someone pour their life savings into another persons? Be a mother means buying all the essentials a baby would need. Also I don’t have a lot of family so a sitter is a must. Then there’s college. Why can’t we enjoy what we make? Having kids are expensive these days. Also the process of being pregnant is terrifying. Sore feet, facing 30+ pounds, morning sickness, stretch marks, you’ll never look the same again. What if you have complications through giving birth and don’t make it? Or if the child doesn’t ?. I don’t get why anyone would risk putting yourself through this. And sometimes the relationship with the father doesn’t work out so now your a single parent. A first timer single parent scared , no thanks. Not all kids grow up like you want them too. Maybe they will be a serial killer, commit crimes, go to jail, become possessed by a demon and kill you? What if they unexpectedly die because of health issues or a tragic accident? what if they hate you? I cringe every time I see a baby or kid. Everyone somebody shows me a picture of their kids in my head I’m thinking my dog is cuter. I don’t care about your damn babies !!

      • trunkfish says:

        Hi Kelly. I agree with you. The examples are a little extreme but I’ve thought of every single one you’ve mentioned in trying to understand my desire to stay well away from kids. These are valid thoughts and it also means you’re looking ahead to the consequences of having kids rather than just having them and taking pot luck. I think many people, men and women, think like you.

      • Stacy says:

        I completely agree with Kelly. My cousin almost died after she gave birth, her blood pressure went up a lot and she had very bad headaches, I think the illness is called Preeclampsia, I really hope she doesn’t go through that again if she decides to have another child. I am 44 and never wanted kids. I have enough healthy issues to begin with and have very patience for little kids.

    • April Rose says:

      I would take care of a sick family member. I’ve babysat children even.
      Sometimes they’re funny. I still don’t like kids though. I prefer when they aren’t around. I hate crying and screaming. Even for 1 second.

    • Antionette says:

      @Clare. Wow, your comment makes me sad. and yes, angry too

      Not liking kids does not have anything to do with cramped lifestyle or, as you suggest, an inability to caring for another person. How shortsighted, low-spirited and immature of you to claim that only parents have any emotional depth to them.

      As a childless (by choice) woman of 40, I care for my elderly parents with as much love as they have given me (and continue to give me still) all my life. Stop being so uptight about it. None of us mean any children any harm, we are also well aware we were once the same kind of difficult/demanding/messy/exhausting brats we now want to stay well away from.

      But please, tell me exactly what makes me immature by admitting my dislike for children out oud? Tell me why I should be forced to like not being able to have a conversation I can follow without being constantly interrupted, or appreciate the blaring and the whining and the screaming and the nagging for toys or icecream or whatever they want right that very minute? Please don’t tell me it actually makes YOU deleriously happy.

      Come to think of it, it’s not just kids I dislike; it’s mommies too. the ones who seem to believe they gave birth to a little Prince or Princess. Newsflash: you haven’t and they aren’t. With a bit of luck and some hard work they may indeed turn out to become reasonably tolerable human beings. Until that time, it’s my prerogative as a mature person to want to have as little to do with them as possible.

      • Stacy Hirsh says:

        I definately agree with you, it doesn’t make someone immature if they don’t like kids. I am 44 and I never wanted kids and it is too time consuming and kids are very high maintenance! I prefer to have pets myself.

    • CMP says:

      This isn’t immaturity, it’s awareness of the repugnance of the human species.

    • Debbie Mattson says:

      It teally grinds my gears when people say “we were all children once”. So what? I’m sure I annoyed someone back then. I guess it is my turn to be annoyed now.

    • ivan says:

      again, this is not about kids being ‘icky’ for me, but I actually have a dislike of them in general. there are some that I think are great but very seriously few and far between, and they are generally of an age whereby a conversation can be had. for me (and I’m sure you or someone will cry foul over the comparison, but bear with me) it’s not unlike hearing a song on the radio that I just instantly think “that’s awful” and want to change the channel. a friend offering for me to hold their new born baby is like an eminem song cones on the radio and I just instantly have to change channel to find some fleetwood mac… there’s a gut reaction of ‘nope’. even now thinking about it I have a tenseness. kinda fingernails on the blackboard. I often wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I come from a large family (8 kids) and most of my siblings either have or want kids. I find the whole idea ‘icky’ but not in a “that kid has some gross crap on their face” way, so much as a “I just don’t want to be near this situation” way. I also genuinely have no idea how to even act around kids and feel like a total fraud if I try to interact with them. it feels so forced and awkward, likely for both of us. seems there is some wavelength that just jars between me and kids in the opposite way that it seems to gel with most people and kids.

    • MNeves says:

      I know this is a year old but I want to chime in with my story of when I realized once and for all I don’t like kids, just so I can show it goes beyond them being icky. I had to live with my mother in law for a short period of time while my spouse was out to sea, we did this to save on rent. My husband has a six year old sister who was actually a pretty decent as far as kids go, not a lot of screaming and crying, and she loved me started calling me her big sister, and she wanted to hang out with me all the time. I couldn’t feel anything back, other than guilt because I felt bad for not wanting to hang out with her every time she knocked on my bedroom door. When we did hang out I had to put on a mask through the whole endeavor, I had to pretend to care about what she was saying, pretend to like the computer games she was playing, and I had to throw on a fake smile whenever she handed me a scribble she drew for me. It hit me, this wasn’t new for me at all, I thought back to visiting my aunt and cringing at the huge mountains of plastic toys that took over the house my grandparents built and was a significant part of my own childhood. Even when I was a kid, all the times I went to family gatherings and sought out the company of my 30 yr old video game playing uncle over the other kids. I pick up dog and cat poop everyday, the ick factor isn’t what’s holding me back, its just who I am. Wearing the child friendly mask for an hour or two is unbearable doing it for 18 years sounds like hell. There are those who say its different when they are your own, and then there are all of the parents I’ve come across who told me “never have kids”. I’m happy without kids and I have a lifelong history of not liking kids, for me the risks and benefits just don’t add up.

  24. Samantha Jones says:

    Hoorah! I am 40 and agree. I never did like kids, I don’t know why but it’s clear to me. I don’t want to do them any harm, but it’s not for me. I am pleased to hear someone else admitting that they don’t want kids and indeed they don’t like kids. I am a rubbish aunt too, and that doesn’t bother me. I don’t need to like children or have them like me to be happy. There are plenty of people out there to attend to the next generation without my help.

    • Peace says:

      I, too, don’t like children at all. It’s not my cup of tea. People need to realize having children is a very personal choice, and it doesn’t suit everyone’s lifestyle well. Overpopulation is very concerning. Raising children isn’t worth it for me.

    • Jo says:

      Thank God it’s not just me. A) overpopulation B) climate change and C) I am quite content with my life, thank you very much, I do not need something that will lose me money in the long run. And God forbid you actually admit you don’t want one in public…

      • LickenGritsTillTheDayIDie says:

        Then there’s D), E),-N- F). I was rapped and abused by my first boyfriend, which resulted in me having a baby with like NO support. As soon as I found out I was pregnant he beat me and almost murdered me. But from what I’ve observed is that even the folks that have tons of support with raising their kids seem to still have never-ending chores. As a renown artist on a quest for enlightenment in my pre-childless life, I’ve sacrificed my livelihood so far, suffer health issues and am very far from enlightenment cause meditation doesn’t come to someone like myself who really needs it to sustain my mental well being. I’ve found it impossible to meditate when My son has special needs and there’s too much chaos. oh no I just kinda but like ALL not just some but ALL my needs on the back burner and have become some sort of bitter machine that is not aloud to rest it’s just chore after chore after chore and I am lucky if I ever get to do art. I was very set on not having children and have had the same plans to be a thriving artist and write my book since my early teens well I am too run down and drained from parenting to do any of that stuff today. It takes up all of one’s time. That’s dedication at the expense of my own self but OH fucking suck it up cause this is what I get for trusting a man???? Shame on me wtf dealing with it. A nightmare that I have to smile through. These are my true feelings but seems they don’t matter anymore since the birth of my son. I’m a machine now, no longer a fucking human. Love my son to death though LITERALLY. in the flash of an eye he will grow up I shall sacrifice my happy self to provide for my son till the day I die which I am actually kinda looking forward to but those are the secrets I keep to myself.

  25. Dasha says:

    Wonderful article! Thanks!
    I feel better now knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way. I will read all your articles on this subject.

    • T.Monai says:

      I love reading things like this because I feel exactly the same way. People cannot not reconcile the fact that I A) don’t like kids B) am in the education field. I don’t kid teenagers but any little person under the age of 12, I cannot deal with. But I love my job. I’m just not a kid person I don’t like the things that go along with kids (i.e. repetitive games, the crying, the tantrums – even at 10 years old, etc.). They are so needed and I just do not have the patience.

    • Siobhan says:

      I’m so relieved. My boyfriend’s brother just had a baby with his new wife and I used to feel bad when they brought her around and I never played with her. Now I don’t have to feel guilty. I. Don’t. Like. Children…period!

  26. Young Adult says:

    Hello I’m 18 years old, and I’ve never thought baby’s as cute. My brother is currently 30, and has two children, one if them is four. So the first thing I noticed was I didn’t think of them as cute as everyone around me. I literally thought of the baby as disgusting, because it drooled, and they expected me to kiss it and etc.
    So once I found out I didn’t like children, I said it of course. It was like I said I hated his kids! And now it’s like I’m forced to love his kids! And it’s like I’m being choked in it!
    The rest of my family was like, “Oh, but you will over time, just give it some time”. “It’s gonna be different when you have your own.”
    But I don’t want my own? “You’re just too young”
    Well sure I’m 18, but I’m not supposed to think about this stuff or feel like I’m being forced to something later in my life.
    So four years later, with another child, I still don’t like them, and I don’t want them. So far I have played it off, because I’m young, and young people don’t like children. But my sister was 21 when my brother first got a child and loved it in a heartbeat, not a lot older then I am now, plus the most people I know at my age like children! But if I say to my family I don’t like children, they will disown me! I will no longer be part of the family. So it’s like if I came out as homosexual to a religious family!
    I don’t know what to do, I’m scared.

    • Sierra says:

      I am not fond of children myself and I’m 1 year younger than you, small world huh 😛
      Honestly if your family truly loves you then they will not disown you. I just wouldn’t tell the kids you don’t like them, but I am pretty sure you figured that out by now. I’ve said it before to my family, as you have, and I was lucky enough to have everyone I told be alright with it, even if they don’t agree. Of course I’ve also had the you will want them talk. I really feel that you should just be honest and don’t be aggressive. Just politely say it in a calm way and avoid possible contact with children if you REALLY don’t like them. At least I would try to do that, but I’m very straightforward with my feelings.

    • Antionette says:

      No Idea if you’ll ever read this, since it’s been over six months since you posted your reply, but I felt the need to tell you this:

      It’s your life. Having babies is a choice and if you decide against it, it’s your right to do so. Yes, you still have plenty of time and maybe you’ll change your mind at some point. But maybe you won’t and if that’s the case, just don’t have them. Take whatever precautions you need to take, until you’ve made up your mind about them. Don’t allow anyone to talk you into having children when you don’t feel like it. Once you’re pregnant, getting rid of a baby can technically be done, but will always leave some serious emotional scars. Amd once the baby’s there, it’s dependant on you for everything. As long as that idea overwhelms you, you’re not ready to have them and perhaps you never will be.

      Which is okay. Really. And if your family disowns you, so what? At least when you’re childless, you can build a career and you won’t need their money. People who manipulate you are no good to hang around with anyway.

      I wish you luck and wisdom in your choices.

      • MNeves says:

        Not everyone is traumatized by getting an abortion, I know I wasn’t. Whenever I think of about it all I feel is happiness, relief, and gratitude. Grateful, for the women and men who came before me and fought for my right to choose.

    • Jj says:

      I wouldn’t care what others think. I never wanted kids before your age and at 52, I’m glad I never did. I enjoyed my freedom to do anything instead of being bled dry by a kids every demand. Not cheap to raise one.

  27. Masqued Avengr says:

    I had a number of children and didn’t realize I wouldn’t enjoy the experience at all. Now they’re all grown up and starting to have kids of their own and I am just like the worst grandma. When they ask me to babysit I am just like “ick.”

    • Dolly says:

      Yesss!! So wonderful to read this, thanks a lot! I`m a mother af one and a grandma of one. I didn´t want to be a Grandma, but with one grandchild that I don´t have to take care of, it´s ok. But yes, I do feel I´m a bad grandma because I don´t like kids. I can´t stand other people´s kids, and I´n not overwhelmed with my own either.

  28. Charlie says:

    Soooo glad to see I’m not the only one who feels this! The over-population issue would be enough to convince me, even if I DID like kids. But I don’t. I see no appeal. I never did. It’s difficult in this child-centric society we live and, were happy endings involved being married with kids, where all adverts are aimed towards or at least include ‘your little ones!’ and where, as other’s have said, that is supposed to be our main accomplishment in life. To have kids.

    No thank you.

    With the greatest possible respect to such people, I don’t want to be that person who ‘had kids’. Not when that’s the most memorable thing somebody did. In fact, I can’t imagine anything worse. To have done nothing with my life but contributed to the huge problem of over-population? Nightmare!

    No one needs anyone else to complete them. You were born complete and I 100% believe that you are all you need. You don’t need to get married just because society (and your friends, probably) tell you how amazing it is; you don’t have to have kids just because everybody acts like it’s a given. You don’t have to have this apple pie life that media is selling as the be all, end all of happy endings.

    You can find your own happy ending. Success in other aspects of life, like your career, self-awareness, personal happiness, spirituality, travelling, anything that makes you happy.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s fine not to like kids. I’m so glad to have read that many other women feel the same way! Now all we have to wait is for the rest of the world to catch up and understand that it’s not a necessary part of our life cycles.

    • bella says:

      This comment is and always will be the most amazing thing I have ever read. Thank you.

      • John says:

        Yeah, I agree. Amazing to hear people voice the opinion many of us have to hide. I’m a man. I’m loving, I’m nurturing, I’m sensitive and caring. But keep those little uncooked humans away from me. I hope to god I can meet a woman who shares my feelings. Give me peace, quiet, and cats not brats!!

    • Stacy says:

      I agree with Charlie you don’t need a child to feel completed, that is only for the insecure and immature way of thinking. I am 44 and don’t need anybody to complete me, I am happy with what is going on in my life.

  29. Raziel says:

    People with children are as often a pain as those religion maniacs . Thats the only thing they talk about , their lives are only that . They lose most parts of their personality to become parents . As the person in the article said , I prefer to give my love and caring to other adults , people who can share emotions and conversations etc etc and not someone needy who will depend on me to feed , entertain and even wipe their butts in the toilet. Ive been in a relationship with someone who has a child and since then my reaction of “dont care”towards children became “I HATE THEM” . Not liking childs and being forced to live close to one has been the worst thing in my life and I started considering leaving the only person I have loved until now just because that piece of shit . Sorry child lovers , I hate children and I most likely will hate people who can only talk and think or breath childrens as much as I dislike the religion maniacs who can only talk about their religions and their dogmas as being the only true way of living life .

  30. Childfree By Choice says:

    I LOVE this article! I know this is a delicate topic but it needs to be talked about. I hate that people can freely express dislike nowadays but I have to smile and nod when asked about having kids in the future. No, I don’t want them. Yes, it’s fine. It makes me so damn mad when people say the main purpose of a woman’s life is to be a mother. I sincerely believe my life is complete without the little demanding goo machines, thank you very much. It’s so good to see I’m not alone with that.

  31. Kat says:

    Thank you for this article I really needed to read something like this. It is still perceived that every woman has to like children and for her life to be full she also “has” to have them. otherwise her life is empty.
    Well I don’t want to have children and I generally don’t like them. When my siblings will have children I will love them because they will be a part of my family but having my own children…no way.
    Society puts pressure on women and it is just not ok.
    Why should we all want to have children?

  32. Wendy G says:

    Thank you for the post. I also fall into the boat of not liking kids. I don’t think baby humans are cute and I don’t like loud noises. As soon as my brother and my sister started having kids their worlds changed and the only thing they ever, ever talk about are their kids or show pictures of their kids. My brother has 4 kids and my sister has 2. Most of the kids don’t even live at home any more now but every conversation goes on and on about the great things their kids are doing. I wonder if they ever will get it. My sister-in-law and my sister get along well because they take turns talking about each of their kids. Your turn. Her turn. Your turn. For me I rreally don’t care about most of the information. My family rarely visits living states away and we are more or less not close so the time we do talk is STILL their kids, their kids, their kids as the main topic and to me it’s just sad.

    I also sit on a board at my church and I’m one of 3 not retired. Some of the board valuable time is spent talking about their grandkids. It’s like other people don’t exist except a person’s kids or their grandkids. Aren’t we all family? Can’t there be helping everyone out and not just spoiling your own kids and planning a wedding with now 9 brides maids? I’ve always been help others who need it not just over indulging in more and more for your child and their own ‘wonderful’ world and how they are so great.

    • Kathryn says:

      In the last century, Children were seen, and not heard. Now they are are seen and heard all over the globe! I don’t know who is worse, kids, or they’re millennial parents. I see kids and get panic attacks. I detest them so!

  33. Gerald Clark says:

    I’m a 37 year old male. I have never wanted kids. It’s refreshing to see so many replies from women who don’ t want them either. There’s so many women who pump out babies like a factory pumps out products. Thats where their plan ends. Then you just live off of welfare and “raise” these fatherless bastards. My girlfriend and I were at a get-together with her family recently. Her friends 5 year old boy was there when we arrived. It only took a few minutes for him to notice I was there. He came over to me and squirted me with a water gun. I told him to stop and he came back in 30 seconds and squirted me again. A half hour later, when we were all eating dinner, he comes up to me with a glass of orange juice and said “i’m going to spit on you.” And thats what he did, he spit in my face. Everyone says how awesome this kid is. But in reality hes just another little bastard being “raised” by a welfare queen. He annoys the fuck out of me and I cant stomach him. The problem with kids today is, theyre not afraid of anything and they dont respect anyones personal space and they think they can touch you or “play” with you at will. Even when you tell them to go away. Thats not what a kid wants. I hate going to a store and listening to one of them scream and whine. Theres so many reasons why I dont like or want kids.

    • Childfree By Choice says:

      OMG the little bastard spat on you and you managed to control your temper? You’re my new hero. I’d have yelled at him then at his mom.

    • Charlie says:

      Totally agree with Childfree By Choice, I’d have definitely lost it. He sounds awful. Gotta hate the little buggers. Hats off to you, dude!

    • Richard Jenkins says:

      Oh man, I would have thrown his water gun on the roof. I absolutely hate kids and don’t want to be anywhere near them. My spouse is threatening to leave me because their kid is having a child of their own and I really could care less.

    • Understandable says:

      I’m a parent of one child, I left his father who was abusive before I had my son. I don’t live on welfare and as much as I feel for other single moms. I really don’t blame you. As hard as it is being a single parent, if my son ever spat on another individual, there would be discipline. You handled it very graciously, I would have taken the water gun away. I have also worked in child care, and I would say the burn out rate is quite high.

  34. Chris says:

    I love this article! I don’t want children and have never had a desire to have them. This does not make me unloving or not a nurturing person. It’s just a choice. When people ask I simply state that I respect their choice to have them, heck have a whole team of them, but it’s not for me. And that I do not understand their desires to have them just like they don’t understand my desire to not have them- and that’s OK! I have plenty of love and relationships in my life that bring me great happiness, period. And the conversation is over usually pretty quickly because they see I dont “judge” them for their decisions. I have two step daughters, and believe me I had no intentions of falling in love with or marrying a man with children. It’s not easy. But fortunately for me my husband respects and even likes that I don’t want children. He doesn’t put an expectation on me to be someone I’m not, this works for us. I have friends and family with kids- they are cute for a few hours and then they go away. This works OK for me too. I don’t hate kids, but I don’t like them either. The traits about children I don’t like- needy, selfish, greedy, etc. are the same traits I avoid like the plague in adults too! Shame on society for trying to make people feel less than for us that don’t have that motherly or fatherly instinct- but hey, I will never change that! Be true to ourselves and know we are not bad for not liking the snotty little buggers LOL! Thank you for an article that is beautifully written and expresses how many people feel but are too scared to say it! Kudos!

  35. Jess says:

    Thank you. I don’t know how else to say it, so thank you.

    I hate children. I said it. I hate them. I’m 25 years old and I have always hated children. Somehow though, when I’ve mentioned this to other people , I get “Oh you are young! You will change your mind.” Or “You haven’t met the right guy yet.” Or “But you would be such a great mom!”

    When someone says they don’t like dogs, do people say these things? Nope. They let it go. But somehow, when you don’t like children, you are a monster. You are subhuman. You are an evil creature devoid of the capacity to love.

    How cruel and insensitive.

    On the other hand, I get angry with myself for pretending to like kids when people shove their photos in my face or place their child’s sticky hand on mine because “all girls love babies!!”. I oh and ah and put on a show of doting….why? Because I can’t handle the way people act when I say I don’t like children. If it was any other offensive stereotype, I would have no problem correcting the offender, but for this, I can’t seem to find a good way. It really bothers me.

  36. Magda says:

    I don’t like most of other people’s children – usually (but not always) I find them boring or a nuisance. Or rude for no reason. I make an effort but the experience is absolutely exhausting. They probably feel the same way about me. Last Christmas I spent a lot of time and money on buying presents for my partner’s friends’ children. Their 5 year old daughter grabbed her large gift bag and went through its contents with unexcited: ‘This is cool and this is cool”. I think she genuinely liked the presents but was so used to getting them she did not really care. Her 9 years old brother told me I was stupid. And repeated it a few more times waiting for my reaction. I ignored this little provocation but promised to myself that I would not be visiting them the following Christmas, with or without presents. Other peoples’ children. I might like them more if they were less spoilt. If they were taught to be a little more considerate, polite. When I was a child we were. Telling my parents’ friends that they were stupid would certainly get me in trouble. A tantrum, especially in a public place where it would have affected other people, was punished. Demands to have more and more toys while the ones we had were no longer played with would be refused – not that we had so many toys – they were special and given on special occasions. If we tried to run around a supermarket screaming our lungs out we would be told to stop. I was and felt loved and cherished but I knew this did not mean I could get away with bad behaviour. I do not think it made me inhibited or shy, or that I have not fulfilled my potential. And as for having my own children, my upbringing was focused on other things than future motherhood – my mum was a great believer in education – and I started thinking of having children when I was about 30. I was scared of having them and scared of not having them but I believed that once I had them I would love them and would be happy about having them. However, my partner at the time kept putting parenthood off and after 10 years the relationship ended for other reasons. I am now 45, with a partner who would love to have children. I even got pregnant 3 years ago but miscarried. And we have many reasons for not having children – very practical reasons (frequent lack of money, for example – we are both self-employed). And to be honest, raising children is the type of hard work I just could not face at this stage, regardless of how rewarding it might be. I would like to get on with my life and enjoy it. I never thought that a woman had to have children to live a happy and fulfilled life. I would like to focus on other things. But we live in the world in which children are seen as the most precious treasure and the glorious future, and not having them is seen as failure. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, it is everywhere. The biggest aspiration for the world I live in is to be a child friendly and child focused place. Perhaps parents would disagree with me but I often feel that this child friendly world is made child friendly at the expense of everyone else. We are expected to grin and bear it when they are noisy and badly behaved because they are children, and because their poor, tired parents need a break and cannot watch over them all the time, and because they are our future and so they deserve the best and we all must strive to give them what is best. I am also sure that all of you heard the “My children are my biggest achievement”. I have even come across men who adore their wives for being mothers even though they are not particularly good mothers and do nothing else in their lives. There are parents – many of them – who bombard us all with pictures of their little angels on social media. They seem to think that this is a special blessing bestowed on us deprived of such angels. I am no longer told I really should have children because this is the best experience a woman could have. I am now seen as someone who missed the best thing that could happen to me. What is more, I am an underachiever – I have failed in what is the essence of being human. I deserve pity or I am weird. And I certainly do not understand life – the real knowledge of life and the real experience of love can only be gained through parenthood. The world belongs to the heroic parents and I am an outsider. It also is the world in which such opinions cannot be voiced – that would be horribly politically incorrect. Although these posts show that I am really not an outsider at all.

    • trunkfish says:

      Hi. Great post and you are not an outsider. I don’t believe in this day and age (and in the UK) that you’re supposed to love kids. Matthew Wright, presenter of The Wright Stuff every morning, usually makes a quip about how he hates the little brats and is very vocal in his dislike of Kids. I’ve never suffered abuse for not wanting kids – I have many friends who don’t. Enjoy your life without kids but never feel you have to apologise. If people really are giving you a hard time, find new people! According to some scientists, we haven’t got long on this planet anyway. Good luck parents with your legacy of Kids. Feel better. You should do.

    • Jim says:

      To be honest,….You and many others (like me) do not have it in our D&A to want to make the sacrifice to raise a child. It is unpopular in Society to admit that “You are NOT a Kid Person”. The “Nurturing” DNA or Gene is definitely not in me which I recognized while I was raising my son, as a bachelor father, from 8 years of age until his emancipation. Being a single parent (without a “Child Raring Manual or Guidebook”) I utilized the learned techniques used by my own parents. Most noteworthy, during the time I was raising my son, it was very nontraditional in that, during the 70’s most usually women were given custody & raised children. Candidly, deep down, I was not “all in” to the fact that this huge responsibility had been placed on my shoulders alone at that time. He was a “Latch~Key” kid and I felt it critical to put the “Fear ‘O God in him” in order for him to stay on the straight & narrow. My son, went to bed every nite at 8 p.m. (except weekends) and had a perfect attendance record at school. I put him thru College on that we called the “Provisional Scholarship”. As long as he maintained a B- Average he was on a “Full Ride”. Drop below that B- and he was libel to pay for his own Schooling until he again posted that B- average and was again back on a “Free Ride”. Net: he graduated in 4 1/2 years with one blip. He is now a Pillar of Virtue & Righteousness in his community, very prosperous, happily married with three children. When I reference D&A I’m recalling my Father, his Dad & my Mom’s Mother whom I recall exhibited the same the same traits in not fully wanting to be responsible for the day to day work of child raring. They just weren’t the Poster Persons for Doting Family members. They most certainly cared for me, but it was my Father’s Mother and my Mother who did the hands on nurturing. The added responsibility of maintaining my JOB with a Fortune 500 Company, then coming home to the more important JOB of raising a child thru emancipation age was daunting. Most particularly trying to find time for myself relative to dating. Because of that experience, I am admittedly,…..”All About Me” today since my retirement 21 years ago. I am comfortable that I “Paid it Forward” and tho I care about my grandchildren and would appreciate spending measured time with them, it has to be on my own terms. I have a Life with my lovely Wife of 8 years who holds exactly the same views on Kids as do I. I am sure that the other doting Grandparents for our kids (my one son and Her 3 girls) command more appreciation than do my Wife & I. No problemo, whereas they appear to have generally, no other interests or hobbies in their lives than the Grand-kids. We have made it apparent, we do have other activities and interests in our lives. Let the “Chips” fall as they may, we are being honest,….we ARE NOT KID Persons! If that makes us evil, then so be it! To thine Own Self Be TRUE!

  37. Rachel says:

    I’m not having children. I don’t get mad when someone asks about it. It’s different. When someone says “I don’t drink”, or “I hate married couples” aren’t you curious why? So just tell the truth and don’t be all huffy about it. Usually parents that say “Oh but you’ll change your mind.” Or “but you’d be good at it” etc are either just trying to relate, or in some way, their way (they are who they are) pay you a compliment, or something less than negative. Don’t get pissy and offended folks. That shows a lack of maturity. You want to be treated with respect – act like an adult. I have found most people, when they get used to the idea, learn to stop talking about it with you. It becomes a non-issue. If you are using the over-population thing as a reason… Google it! That’s not going to work for long. Google population decline. You’ll find it is on a decline. depopulation is happening in Russia and Japan right now, along with the USA having no increase but a predicted decrease soon… so that doesn’t work either. So let’s be mature and I know a bunch of the comments mentioned a patience problem (which is funny since it’s also a reason cited for why people hate children. They are just learning how to behave and you are adults… right?), but c’mon people, don’t make it hard for people like me and yourself. Even people that are fully emotionally developed can choose to be childfree. Don’t give us a bad rap by being shitty to a pregnant lady, or disrespecting other’s choices, or trying to steal parking spots, etc). Learn to live in the world… warning – it contains children and always will. Deal with it and relax. Tune them out, and avoid. And don’t be a dick and/or bitch. Also that argument of “But who will take care of you when you are old?” Guess who? Other people’s kids. It’s ain’t going to be yours, and it isn’t going to be mine. The next generation are going to be the doctors and nurses. So next time someone presents that question as a reason you should have kids – “Who’s going to take care of you when you are old?” just say “Why your kids of course!”

    • Jon says:

      I understand completely what you say, and agree with you. However, the main response I get when I say I don’t want to have children is either that I’m somehow selfish, or (more commonly) that there is something wrong with me for not wanting children people. Being told ‘it’s different when it’s yours’ is fine and understandable, but being told ‘what’s wrong with you, you can’t be normal not to want children’ is not.

  38. Ann says:

    I have a son my self and I love my little man even though he is a handful and does drive me nuts at times. But I can honestly say I don’t like children. I feel myself becoming very aggravated when I’m around children especially of they are the spoiled no good ones. I’m trying to break my own son out of being spoiled it gets on my nerves. Now I can deal with children of they are quiet well mannered and their parents keep them in line and do not tolerate craziness. It drives me insane when alot of parents over look their child terrorizing or aggravating someone. I don’t not allow it with mine.

    • ash says:

      I completely agree with everything u said. I have a child and she’s great because I keep her in line. but dealing with other people children who r disrespectful, lacking manners is a pain and the reason I don’t deal with kids that much.

  39. Laura says:

    Of course if you have a kid, you’ll love him. Luckily as someone has already pointed, a baby is a permanent thing. Having my nieces stay for the holidays for one week made me realise that I am grateful for not having kids, for not wanting kids… I love my nieces, but after one week I am happy they are back home.

    A child is an imperfect adult. I don’t like imperfect things.

    That said, I am very happy I decided to be childless, I am happy I did not follow the advice: “Once you have them you’ll love them” because that is not 100% true … Luckily I have friend who have been 100% honest with me. They are absolutely gorgeous mothers, they would give their lives for their children but … if they could turn back time, they will remain just like I have … childless, happy, unconcerned …

    • Richard Jenkins says:

      I have a child, and I really don’t care about him… He, I think is about 10 by now, and lives with his mother in a different state and she happily collects the child support. She used to get upset that I wouldn’t send him things but said you get enough child support, buy him whatever he wants. She eventually got over it and now I don’t hear from her.

  40. Zephiniya says:

    Wow! This article speaks to my very soul! I am a mother and I adore my son who is now grown and always have. However I greatly dislike children. I have a Goddaughter who is a rotten, temper tantrum throwing brat. I can’t stand her. My best friend, her mother thinks she’s the best thing ever and expects me to accomodate her. I don’t visit her as often anymore because she annoys me to no end! UGHHH! I can’t stand her and I’m glad I’m not alone.

  41. Gorgeous1 says:

    Roar says: “I” will make a difference in this world (blah blah blah), and “I” will live happily after (blah blah blah), “I” will make children and “I” build a future for children (blah blah blah). “I” “I” “I” – if that isn’t a selfish excuse to have children, “I” don’t know what is!!! Sounds very egotistical to me, doesn’t it sound egotistical to you???

  42. barbara says:

    As a daughter of a mother who never wanted children and two sisters who chose not to have any, I applaud the decision of many of you to not have any and your honesty to acknowledge you don’t like kids. I don’t like dogs. Now I am sure that there are many adorable loving hounds out there. I have even met a few, but when I see a dog, my hackles go up (rather like a cat). Just don’t care for them in general.
    I do like children though. Yes, many are brats and I even need a break from my beloved seven year old grandchild now and then. But I enjoy being with kids and respect them. There is another component of liking children: you like or love them unconditionally. That is hard. That is a real commitment. One of my sisters wants to be “super auntie”. She adores my grandchild in principle, but is ready to say enough in an instant if offended or repulsed. Thank God she never had kids. It would be love one minute and rejection the next. ( She’s kind of like that with adults too, come to think of it.) I am opposed to parents chiding the childless. Respect their decision.The worst situation is a parent who really doesn’t like kids. Far too many of those.

  43. G.H. says:

    I never wanted to have children in my whole life, not even for a minute. Now 44 and married for a very long time, I rank not having kids as #1 to one of the best life decisions I’ve ever made. I stuck to my guns. Create your own path. Listen to your feelings. Luckily I am with someone who feels the same way, and if you have any goal or way you want to live your life, it’s of ultimate importance that you find someone who shares this with you thoroughly. Will I ever regret it? Who knows. But for now, I am very happy without having done so. If you do not like children (in general), do not listen to those who do who try to pressure you into their way of life. They mean well, but it’s what makes them happy. Do what makes you happy.

    • Laura says:

      No, you won’t regret my dear … as a good friend of mine once told me when I said I was not yet ready for kids. She said: “If at your 30 you are not ready, that means you will never be.”

      Halleluja !

      I am 47 and now you know what? Some of my friends are becoming grandmothers …. Pfffff !

  44. Javier Furlan says:

    You know, I am in my 40s and remember that at least in my culture (I live in south america) my grandparent´s generation and before sent their children off to boarding school. I think today, because of economic constraints (in some cases) people do not have the luxury of doing this. Anyway, I am a guy and can´t stand the little runts.

    Thanks for sharing.

  45. missleya says:

    I agree! I couldnt have said it better myself. That’s why I DONT babysit, even if it is family. If it’s an emergency, ill do it. And by “emergency” I mean somebody better be in the hospital. I’m so sick of everyone telling me it’ll be different with my own kid, or asking what im going to do with my life then? ANYTHING!!!!! without kids, the sky’s not even a limit!

    • Laura says:

      Yes !

      I know the feeling. One tim a dear friend asked me (very cunningly): “What are you doing on Saturday?” I said, “Nothing” so she said: “Perfect ! Then you can babysit xxxx!”

      I beg your pardon?

      If I said nothing, that is what I am going to do … ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ! so if you are in the hospital or there is an emergecy I’ll take care of xxxx with all my heart, but in the meantime, Saturday is my day to do “NOTHING” and nothing else !

    • Charlie says:

      Well said, couldn’t agree more. You get much more freedom without kids!

  46. Knowsthescore says:

    I have never had kids (and yes, I’m married) because basically, I – like the author of the piece here – never liked them. I was never attracted to having kids. It seemed a bore. Getting pregnant, then delivering (no thanks to both), then being saddled with this humanity for at least 18 years. Ugh! I think women today are often sold a bill of goods in the “Having babies department.” It’s as though you are an oddball, or there is something psychologically WRONG with you if you don’t dream of having children from the moment you yourself become aware that YOUR mother had YOU! Everyone is different and wants different things out of life. There is no right or wrong way to proceed. What is right for one is not necessarily right for another. I have never regretted my decision to remain child-free. They just never interested me. Kind of like auto racing. Or hang gliding. Or mountain climbing. Not interested.

  47. Tia says:

    I have one child of my own. I adore him completely. But I can’t stand any other child period. In my culture women are just expected to be mothers. I git a degree in elementary education based on what my culture valued. I have sucked at every teaching position I’ve ever had. It took me a while to realize it was because I hated it. I hated spending so much of my time with other peoples nasty,, odd kids. I don’t even enjoy my sister’s kids. My best friend decided to have 5 kids back to back. And it makes me almost physically duck to be around them even with my toddler. One day I noticed her 5yr old but playing doctor with his 4yr old sister I flipped out and was informed that it was a normal part of child development. Needless to say a ten year friendship came to an end because of nasty little kids.

  48. Jessica says:

    I straddle the fence since I have a daughter (unplanned). I never wanted children and grew to love MY child. She can drive me crazy at times as I lack patience, but found being a mom wasn’t entirely awful.

    Then I had a real lapse in judgement. I married a man with two boys thinking our similar life situations would complement each other. I cannot stand being around his hyper, verbally nasty and spoiled children.

    Yes, I knew he had kids when I married him but didn’t know he and his ex would expect me to be with them alone and watch them to accommodate their work schedules. I work full-time myself and find being around his boys depletes my energy and enjoyment.

    Don’t force a lifestyle upon yourself to please others. It backfires on you.

  49. Ciriaca says:

    never heard anything more idiotic than this over kids. And your English it’s worst than mine as an Italian

    • Ashley says:

      Oh it’s so comforting to know that I’m not the only one who dislike children company. Here my story:
      I’m Italian girl who really wanted to learn english to travel and work abroad, so i decided to move in the U.K for a while and work as au pair in a family. Before even submit my au pair request to the families i knew I would had very hard time dealing with those kids, but i had no choice if i really wanted to learn english. So I was hosted by this family with two kids (a boy age 8 and a terrible little girl of 7 years old) in London. From the very first days those two kids drive me crazy. The girl in particular was extremely rude at me, when i wasn’t able to understand her requests in english she spit on me or kick my legs, and though i tried to calm her down she always ended up by slamming her room’s door on my face. Every day they don’t want to wake up to go to school and i had to waste almost twenty minutes to convince them to get up, and when i finally leave them at school I had to come back home and tidy up the terrible mess in their rooms, but once they where home they just tear their rooms apart again and i had to start over before they parents where back from office. Kids are full of energies and never sit longer than ten minutes, so wheter you like it or not, you must always follow them around to be sure they don’t get in trouble. I’m used to deal with adults people, if there is a problem to solve we just sit and talk and then with solve the problem, but if a kid had a small stupid problem (and they have a new one every couple of minutes) they just start yelling and being rude at you without even telling you what the hell is going on! I’m not patient enough and sorry if i can’t take them seriously when they start whining because their favourite cup is in the dishwasher so they have to drink their milk from another cup. Sorry again but i hate mess, dirt and noises. A kids demand your attention day and night, i respect people who are willing to go through this ordeal just to enjoy those very short moments when children are in “cute mode” maybe for those people it paid back all the fatigue, but for me it’s different i do will end up with a nervous breakdown. I always was a free spirit girl and i want to travel and change differents jobs, life is just one and it’s precious.

    • Christine says:

      You may want to take a look at that sentence and rethink your response. It’s spectacularly stupid to accuse someone of bad English and then make fundamental grammatical errors yourself. Not good.

  50. Sameeah says:

    Thannnnnkkk you! I so needed to hear this! Gonna breathe through the emotions. Thanks again.

  51. Liz says:

    I am very glad I came across this article. The comments were even more helpful because I can see I am not one of two people who do not want to have children. There are many of us! How great!

    I am 21 and it started with me realizing I did NOT want to get married. Now I am starting to think I do not want children either. I have two nephews I love, but as much as I love them, they make me realize why I do not want children of my own. They are either sweet or they are throwing themselves on the floor in a temper tantrum because they are not getting everyone’s attention every second. I am not a patient person and that behavior drives me insane and I find it very annoying. It’s fun to be around during their good moods, but the bad outweighs would outweigh the good if I had kids.

    I’ve heard it too: “It’s different when they are your own.” I’m sure it is because you would have to figure out a way to live with it, but having kids should not be something you have to “live with.” It changes your life forever, and the way I see it, having children just gets in the way of my real life plans. If I know I would not enjoy having children, then why should I be pressured to have them? I have seen mothers who have no maternal instincts accidentally get pregnant and the results were terrible – children who did not get the attention they deserved who in turn acted out.

    Plus, did you know a couple’s happiness drops over 50% after they have their first child? Once you have children, your entire life is children. I’m grateful my mom was the kind of person who wanted that, but I don’t want that. I want to travel. I want to work hard at my career. I want to experience cultures. There are other ways to leave your mark on society besides having children.

    Luckily, I think my generation might be coming around a little bit to the idea that they don’t have to get married OR have kids. Slowly, but surely. Here’s to thinking for yourself, no matter what kinds of labels other people put on you. If I cared what other people thought, I might as well not leave the house.

  52. Kaybee517 says:

    Finally an article that speaks to me and love all the comments. As a person on the fence but greatly leaning towards childfree. After reading this article, the comments and truly acknowledging my intuition, having kids isn’t for me. I too am an African American woman, mid thirties and newly married 2 years. I thought I’d have kids (as an assumption, but not deep desire) and had that conversation with hubby before we were married, I was on the fence but if I decided no he’d have to live with it. The ball was in his court to stay or leave if it was a deal breaker. For him he was fine either way. I’ve given having kids real time and thought for almost a year. What I have learned from parents, research and such is that we live in a very pronatalist society with “expectations” and taught/social conditioned to believe a false sense of happiness through parenthood. It’s an awful message to send to people that in order to live a fulfilling life you have to have kids. I am more than my uterus, thank you very much. Not everyone likes pizza, not everyone likes dogs, and not everyone likes kids. There is nothing wrong with having kids or not having kids if that is your desire. I like well behaved kids but that’s it. I understood as a teen, I’d so rather do other things than babysit or entertain kids. I rather spend my time feeding my mind and have intellectually stimulating conversation. There are other ways to contribute to the world to HELP the planet than procreate. I do understand the value of family and love but at the same time the only child that should enter the world is one that is planned for and WANTED 100% . A child shouldn’t be brought into the world with the burden of being there for you when you get old, fulfill some childhood dream you never attained or any other reason. That is selfish. I think if people took the time to really think before having kids it would be a different world. Thanks to the author of this post. It really resonated with me and validated many feelings I’ve had for a long time. Glad I’m not alone either.

  53. over it says:

    Wow! I made a pact with 2 friends when i was 12 to not have kids & never marry. Well i married at 32, I thought i was safe because he had a 17 year old.and a 14 year old living with his ex wife. My Mother dies 3 months after we wed & he moves his son in almost immediately for me to take care of while he traveled most of the time, the financial drain was incredible, after the son leaves he brings the daughter, but not before bringing the son again with his girlfriend & her kid, again we provide them and their new baby with everything. These kids are now in their 20s and expect more while my husband gladly picks up his son’s responsibility. I knew he had baggage, but i had no idea it was going to be like this, he has been trying for years to get me to have children, my answer is always the same “Absolutely Not” i can work 12 days in a row and he will still bring the now 4 & 9 year old to completely tear up our house i swear he must be trying to get me to walk since he shoves them down my throat every chance he gets, knowing my lack of patience. Its quite cruel really, not to mention the constant put downs of not being a good role model, not family oriented, just a bad person. Im so fed up. To not want children & still go out of my way for his adult children & their children & their significant other’s children, i dont deserve the put downs. My husband is a great guy, but blinded by guilt & the overcompensation for these kids overshadows how i feel for him at times and is almost unbearable. I cant.stand the disregard for my time and being not second, but dead last. The resentment between us is going to blow. Im horrible for not wanting kids, not having them around constantly, he even left me at chucky e cheese once for not showing the right amount of attention. Hehas turned me off even more than ive ever been before. Not good, id hate to end our other than this good marriage over this, but it hasnt gotten better.

    • Mary says:

      I didn’t want children at all. I don’t have a maternal bone in my body, combine that with a horrible childhood I wasn’t interested in being mom and never wanted to put a kid through my life.

      Well, I ended up pregnant and felt too guilty to have an abortion, because society had done a great job making me feel it was shameful so this was my burden now.

      I had a horrible pregnancy, giving birth nearly killed me and I was in the hospital for weeks, with months of surgeries to repair the damage ahead, and I simply could not bond with this little human.

      I tried and tried and tried and tried. I ended up faking my way through, giving that child what they needed to take care of all their needs, but I never felt that maternal love. I never for a second enjoyed it at all.

      Unfortunately I’m a really poor actor.

      When a child doesn’t get maternal love they know, you can take care of all their needs and do the best for them you can, but they know. I filled that child’s life with countless loving people to try to fill the gap of what I couldn’t do, and it did help, but it was unfair for both of us as parent and child not to have one of those loving mother’s.

      So I hope that you are not me. Don’t be ashamed to get an abortion if you need or want one. Don’t be ashamed of your choice not to have children because society tells you that you’re only worthy as a mother. Not all of us are built to be a parent.

      I still have zero interest in children, and thankfully when my husband and I divorced he was all about being a dad. He loves being a dad. So that child is ok, even if mom isn’t there. I still try and try and do what I can to bond but there isn’t much interest on the part of our child, because their wasn’t maternal bonding to begin with.

  54. Scarlett says:

    Thank you this. I love my husband but am thinking of leaving before his adult children have their own children. The thought of having to go through what I’ve had to with stepchildren over the last 30 years fills me with dread. I don’t want to ruin his experience but I feel like its a noose around my neck. So I’m going.

  55. Teri says:

    I feel really sorry for you. Truly. You don’t even know why this is odd.

    • Scarlett says:

      Seriously you think she’s odd? So everyone has to like children in your opinion? Or only females? I have never liked them. Had a lovely normal childhood no problems except for finding most other children annoying,
      noisy and life limiting. Now as an adult I thank science for allowing me to choose to be child free and at 59 have not ever regretted my decision. I am not odd. And how uneducated of you to label another adult in this way.

    • Liz says:

      There is no reason to tell her that her beliefs are odd. Children are not for everyone. I’ve seen many women who have no maternal instincts end up with a child, and the situation is not pretty. Good for her for realizing she simply wants to live her life without children.

    • Ciriaca says:

      Odd to me are other things. It’s giving a go to children and not to uni for instance or a career. Odd id the social pressure upon women about having kids. By statistics infact it’s the most educated and independent who gives up on children. This is not odd at all, just refreshing.

  56. Daisy346 says:

    THANK-YOU for writing this article! Finally… people who share my thoughts! I babysit every day for a few extra bucks a month (it unfortunately is not a choice, it’s for a family member). I freakin’ hate it. I hate every minute of it. I hate waking up in the mornings knowing that I have to babysit. I hate kids. I hate babies. I hate toddlers. I hate all of them. They are annoying and a waste of my time. I always felt like a bad person, but when I see a baby smile, I feel nothing. When I see them trip or fall and cry, I feel nothing. I feel no sympathy, and have no maternal instinct whatsoever. I hate people that say not liking and/or wanting kids is selfish and evil. Children these days don’t behave in public because of all these “everybody’s a winner” parents. I truly cannot stand children or parents of children because they criticize others for not wanting/not liking kids. Wow, that felt good to get off my chest!

    • Antje says:

      Could not have said it better myself! 🙂

      • BB says:

        I don’t like kids either. But, if you feel that way, you really should quit babysitting. You do have a choice.

    • S. says:

      I am right there with you. I am babysitting my brother’s 4 month old and I feel the exact way you do when it comes to babies. It sucks when you don’t like them, but you have to babysit one for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week.

  57. MS says:

    YES! I really thought I was alone in my feelings, but it’s nice to see others who feel the same way I do about kids!

    I’ve known since I was 9 that I didn’t want to be a mom; even the thought of adopting didn’t appeal. As I grew up into my teens, people talked about “Oh, when you have kids…”, and it still goes on into my 20s. UM, no, kids are not an easy decision to make, it’s not like buying clothes. You can’t return them if you end up not liking them. It’s a HUGE life decision, it’s not something to assume EVERYONE is going to go through with. I’ve noticed I actually tense up when kids appear and move away to another part of the room. What’s kind of funny is that kids tend to gravitate toward me when I’m running from them! It’s hard to interact or play with them, my brain comes up with conversations but the format it comes up with is for adults. Can’t make small-talk that I use for adults on children, and I can’t talk about My Little Pony or whatever for hours on end; I get really disinterested after those first 5 minutes have passed. I end up looking around for their mom or someone else to pass them on to. Like what other people have said on here, I don’t deliberately attack kids or people with kids, that’s just not cool and it’s scary behavior. I do try to be patient with a kid that happens to latch on to me, but it lasts for about 5 minutes; after that, I try to get them distracted by something else, like “Why don’t you go play with so-and-so over there?” or “I got to go do something that’s super important” and take off.

    I don’t like kids, I have tried, but I just can’t deal with them. I suppose that it comes from having a lot of younger cousins when I was growing up and they were all born pretty close in age to each other while there was a huge gap in between them and myself. I remember when I was in middle school or around there, a neighbor’s granddaughter was very very young at the time; the neighbor saw me one day and assumed that I would babysit and asked if I would. Just because I am a tween-aged girl doesn’t automatically make me qualified for babysitting; I remember the stereotype of the jr. high/high school girl babysitting neighbors’ kids for a bit of extra cash. It all depends on having the right personality and I CERTAINLY didn’t; I flat out said NO.

    I get how parenting can be hard, and how some parents really do try their best while others don’t try/care at all. But the screaming, the crying, the sass, the running around, the lack of discipline, the mess, the temper tantrums, the running up to you unprompted and barging in on your space/time, and sometimes the violent lashings out…no thanks. I lack the patience and I KNOW this; don’t guilt/force me into being a parent when I know I would be a cruddy one.

    People have handed me babies and toddlers without even asking me and sometimes I am able to get away, other times I’m stuck holding the kid awkwardly or even the wrong way. I don’t like when kids stand up in the restaurant booth behind me and tug on my hair or clothes and the parents aren’t even paying attention. It’s freaky/irritating the way kids stand up in their booth to stare at you; I’m trying to have a conversation with my friend(s) and I can’t help but be distracted by this kid just STARING at me.

    It’s also hard when people expect you to have a kid-friendly home or to provide entertainment for the kids when they come over for gatherings. UM, why? I get putting away things that they might get their hands into, but that doesn’t seem to help. The kids still find ways to make a mess and the parents don’t care that they’re all guests in another person’s house and just ignore it. Bring some of the kids’ favorite toys from home when you’re visiting, I’m not about to go out and rent a bounce house or some professional kid entertainer/buy games and toys for YOUR kids when you’re only going to be here for a few hours. Other people’s houses are NOT a daycare and I’ve never understood why people who are childless are expected to entertain others’ kids.

    Besides, I want to work, and I’m one of those people who loves to work (not a workaholic, I DO like weekends and vacations from time to time!), and then where would the time be for a kid? I want to save my money and occasionally splurge when I can on traveling, little treats for myself once in awhile, professional development, maybe home updates if needed.

    If other people want to be parents, YAY, go for it, if it’s what they really want and understand the responsibility of having a kid and will raise them, take care of them, and love them. As long as they don’t go around pushing their wants on those who have different wants, then it’s fine. Don’t assume that just because I’m a woman, I’m going to want to have children. NO, THANK YOU.

    • Liz says:

      I very much enjoyed your comment. I feel super awkward around kids too. My parents always tell me “when you get married and have kids…” …yeah, no. Just because I’m a female does not mean that I want either. I enjoy my nephews but I also don’t find myself getting too close because A) I have no idea what to do with them B) I can’t help being annoyed by the temper tantrums and the constant need for attention. It drives me crazy!

      I also dislike when people give you the whole “it will be different when it is your kids.” I’m pretty sure the lesson is we simply should not have them. We got other things in mind, right? I feel like society is forcing yet another role among all women when some of us don’t wish to revolve our lives around children the second we get the chance. To those people who want to, then okay, that’s what you want to do. But everyone isn’t like you.

  58. Mel says:

    This is a great article. I am a man and this topic is a hot one between my wife and I.

    Kids can be cute and they can be fun as long as they belong to someone else! I enjoy playing with them quite a bit until they become obnoxious, then it is time for them to go home, no hard feelings, just leave!

    My wife has 2 daughters in their late 20s. They are really great. I enjoy them.
    She did a great job at raising them.

    Decades ago, people used to have big families. It was not uncommon to see a couple have 4 kids. These days with all the financial pressures and government oppression it is harder than ever to just have one. We are kept on the hamster wheel working for a living. Both parents normally have to work. The pressures are enormous. Personally I do not wish to multiply these stresses 100 fold by having cute little babies.

    To my wife, kids are the greatest thing in the world. I do not fault her for that but she certainly faults me for the way I feel. Because I do not feel the joy she feels towards kids I am labeled a bad person, selfish, narcissistic, cold, and other things. My response is that she is the one that is all these things. I do not need children to make me feel whole and the world certainly does not need the extra drain MY children would add. So who benefits from having children? The parents of course.

    30 years ago when I was about 20 I just knew that I had zero desire to have children. I felt that the world had plenty of children. I did not need to add to the population. My sister had 4 so she makes up for any that I do not have.

    From the responses to this article I am thrilled to read that I am not alone. I have not regretted my decision not to ever have kids. I have never ever doubted my decision. I was so sure that when I was 20 I had a vasectomy. It was not painful and I am thrilled. I had to go to 4 doctors before I could find one that would perform the procedure. Judging from so many kids I see in the world I wish more people would have made the same decision.

    Call me selfish if you wish but I can go anywhere and do anything I wish at any time and enjoy the freedom that comes from not having kids. I can even visit other people’s kids if I want and at the end of the day I can go home and do my own thing. By not having children I have a great deal of extra time to go after my dreams and also have the extra capital to do the same.

    Years ago I remember speaking to a brilliant well read man that was very sad.
    He had a menial job and wanted more out of life. He yearned for more. He was always reading and was very intelligent. He told me that he was boxed in. He wanted to change his life and go after his dreams but he could not because he had 6 children that depended on him. He wanted it so bad but could never make the leap. It was too risky. This was 30 years ago. Since then the world is not any better. At the time he was making about $12 per hour at that job. The same job today pays about the same or less but food has gone up 400 percent at least and so have the costs of mostly everything else.

    Children are a huge drain on time, money, and nerves. If you want to have them then I am happy for you but I am sick and tired of so many people labeling others as bad people because they do not have kids. I feel whole without kids! I love my life.

    If you can get through the baby years of crying, diapers and screaming then you will graduate to the teen years where the kid turns into a different kind of monster and labels you the enemy. If you are really lucky then maybe when they turn 18 you will be the lucky recipient of a lawsuit for support while the kid lives away from home. There was such a lawsuit recently. Of course there is the other side. You kids may grow up to be the next Obama. How wonderful! Just kidding, maybe they will turn out to be wonderful.

    I personally do not see the advantage of taking on such an enormous lifetime risky project but again, I do not judge anyone else for doing so. I would like the same respect in return.

    • Liz says:

      I could not agree with you more! This gives me hope that maybe I can find someone who also does not care about having kids. I think you are totally okay, and smart, in your thinking. I can also tell that you are very careful to not offend others, but unfortunately, most people will judge people like us. If you’re happy, then it should not matter.

  59. Tania says:

    Thank you so much for this article. I don’t want kids.

    I babysat plenty when I was a teenager, and when I could work a “regular” job, I never went back. I don’t go out of my way to spend time with children at parties, but don’t mind having conversations with some of the older ones. I just don’t want them for myself.

    My husband and I have been happily married for 11 years, and we don’t feel that we need to add children to our lives. My husband likes kids more than me (I don’t hate them, just not interested), but is happy to get his “kid fix” when he spends time with nieces and nephews. He has a blast becoming a kid again with them, and then is happy to leave them to their parents and enjoy our childfree life. We have careers, pets, and a lifestyle we love, and children don’t enter the equation for us.

    I have had so many well-meaning (as well as pushy) friends and family give me the lines: “Don’t you want to carry on you family line, You’ll like them more when their yours, You mean you won’t give me any grandchildren, You’ll change your mind when you get older, etc.” I had no interest as a kid and have felt sure about my decision as an adult. Thank you for sharing this article and showing that those of us who choose to be childfree aren’t bad, selfish, or clueless. We’re just happier without children.

  60. Ivy says:

    I am so glad I read this, as everyone here I guess is. I am the same as you guys but I always was and still am afraid to just speak of it in front of people. I also feel like being annoyed by children kept growing with the years. I thought it was just in my country that most of the people love all children, that when they do produce an offspring it’s the smartest and cutest in the whole wide world. Yet apparently it’s everywhere. Some of my everyday stories include children grabbing my hair on the bus and their parents don’t say anything, I go to a restaurant with my boyfriend and the next table has children putting their feet over my plate while playing, constant whining, the neighbour’s 2 year old upstairs walked with her mother’s heels for us to hear all day and finally the mother sais she might do something about it but that she can’t because it’s a small child after all. I mean come on. I don’t want to go over the same things but I would prefer if there really were child free places you can go and just exist in peace. I also don’t want any children of my own but I keep feeling preasure to have them someday from my boyfriend 🙁 everyone hates you and insists you must reproduce. What if you just don’t want to…

    • Melissa says:

      Reply to Ivy: I don’t know where you are from, or currently live. I realize in some countries/cultures the pressure to have children is enormous. I live in a border city (in southern US) and around here it is the most “normal” thing in the world to do, to have 2,3,4,5….even 6 children. But every now and then I meet a woman (much like myself) that has made the decision not to reproduce. And I tell you, her family holds it against her. But,in my opinion, one of the worst things would be to succumb to the desires of SOMEONE ELSE. Stay strong! Do what is best for you.

  61. Jenny says:

    I stumbled upon this, and am grateful for it. I am currently dating a man with a four year old, and I adore him–but thought there was something very wrong with me because I do not adore her. Generally, I do not like kids–the noise, the questions, the bodily functions the goddamned STICKINESS that seems to be omnipresent. Even my boyfriend insists that one day I will want them. It ended up being an argument between us because I felt like he was completely disregarding my feelings about the matter. But all that aside, I am so completely happy to have stumbled upon the verbalization of my feelings towards children. It makes my heart happy to know that I am not the only one who feels this way, and firmly so.

  62. Pingback: …And You Don’t Have Kids??? | Eleanore Wells

  63. JasonJune says:

    Not a child’s fault the way things are. Most of the time if not 95% is the parent. In order to work with or be around children you -MUST- have patience. But on another hand, I can understand some of the complaints on this blog. Yes, kids have a tendency to be loud and obnoxious but what more can be done? The learning responsibility comes from the parent. Where I work, I have to be super-pleasant and endure kids(duh), then deal with staff, which some of them just aren’t pleasant to be around (L.OL.!). I have to navigate around children which can be tricky when your pushing or pulling things alot. At times if a child is playing in a certain area, and that area is small, i’ll just go to another section, as not to disturb their play-space and for obvious other reasons, such as a kid suddenly darting out while things are being put away. Sometimes the kids can be really loud and obnoxious, and there are days where the adult is just sitting idling away at a computer while their kid is causing a racket. There was one incident where a child kept running to the front where the doors where and the good ol parent (single mother) was chattering away at a computer not paying attention, as usual. Another worker told me she wouldn’t leave but I didn’t trust having a child lingering around a doorway so they could run out. So I went over to the parent with a smile, said “sorry to interrupt you ma’am but your child is near the doorway” and the woman had the nerve to act so “shocked” I was interrupting her conversation with a like “why you disturbing me?” type of reaction (LOL). You get those type of parents to, that come to public-places(like malls, etc) and expect the workers or staff their to baby-sit their child for them while they tune them out and their child is running aaaaaaaall over the place, and the staff is pretty much petrified of saying anything (besides a very small, given few) less they “chase away” that parent, then the parent comes back and whines how they were chased away, heads will roll, etc yadda yadda. Or the uppity ones who got sticks up their butts, no matter how professional or polite you are, just way some folk are. At my job, i’ve learned to basically ignore or “tune-out” kids and or parents as much as possible(since there’s not much I can do about it anyway). It’s not that I don’t like children, it’s just kids can be a handful, i’m not someone with kids, and I’m not paid enough or practically, paid at all, to deal with kids and their parents. I work minimum wage and kids/parents aren’t part of my duties. Lol. I can provide customer service, but not baby-sitting services. So i tried to avoid the baby-sitting part as much as possible. It’s not my duties or responsibilities to do so and I don’t feel ashamed about it. Its even better when there’s events going on to keep idle kids occupied LOL.

    I use to like children alot(and i still do), but since in the work environment they’ve become like a nuisance(part of it is my job environment). Which is why I avoid kids, because in sue-happy America, it’s easy for a parent to get upset on just about anything, and to be honest, the way things are ran at my job is not up to par professional considering other places that would expect certain behaviors and not tolerate other ones. At my job, folks have a tendency to goof off alot(in back offices chattering away, forming dumb clicks that amount to nothing in the end) and like throwing responsibility on the shoulders of other employees(like leaving the front desk unoccupied yet sitting there in broad-daylight knowing no one is there at the front)(they’ve done it for so long I finally let the supervisor know, who is also, practically useless as well too), playing social-circle games with one-another(silly clicks, keeping other staff ill-informed of whats going on to make themselves look important, off-cuff comments about other staff, etc) mindless sheep, tons of chattering and wasting away work hours, etc). Obliviously, there are a lot of people at my job that are lazy and don’t want to be leaders/responsible for anything but again, want to throw the work-load on others while they coast and get the $$$ and recognition (after a job is done. It’s not collaboration, it’s lazyness and showing off titles). I’ve learned I just have a bad/lazy job environment where people socializing in offices and whatnot and people on duty aren’t doing what their suppose to be doing. The young people especially that are working there have a tendency to leave the front unoccupied more than once, especially this new guy that runs up aftertime he sees some other young person *just* to talk to them, while of course, giving me the ‘the odd duck’ silly treatment(plus the guy does a crappy job, to be honest, but thinks he’s cool, lol). I just wish half of the morons at my place would get fired, but then again, people hire what’s on their level.

  64. eliza says:

    Thank you so much fort his article and for all the comments. It has helped me to understand myself better. I’ve had some major issues with a friend of mine who became a mother recently and asked me to help her out. Something in me said no, but I thought it was selfish to not help her and so I tried. But I couldn’t. And now I understand it better. I do not want children of my own. I was never interested in children. And apparently this also means I cannot take care of another woman’s child. It doensn’t mean I am selfish.
    I also love it when I meet friends who don’t have children and don’t want them. It makes me feel less of an outsider.

  65. Bob Jones says:

    I applaud your honesty and completely agree with how you feel. I am happily married for over 15 years and we have never wanted kids despite the constant harassment we receive from my wife’s family. One thing we’ve noticed is how people without children consistently age more gracefully than the stressed-out parents we encounter.

  66. Ang says:

    THANK YOU for this. For as long as I can remember, say since I was about 13 or whenever people started to ask me to babysit, I never liked kids. I told people, even back then, that I was not going to have kids. They just laughed, and my mother (who is definitely one of those that does not love other people’s kids but loved the heck out of us) would always say “It’s different when it’s your own.” To which I would always reply “Uh huh. You must not have heard me. I’m NOT having any!!”

    That strong hatred (‘cus I’m allowed to admit it freely here!!) for the nonstop screaming, tantrums, smells, noise, rudeness (older kids), and incessant whining has never changed for me. I’m now 31, when everyone told me I “should” be baby crazy. I’M NOT.

    It’s the same as if someone expected me or tried to pressure me to be a dentist. I am not a dentist. I do not now nor have I ever had even the slightest interest in dentistry. Everyone’s fine with that, but replace “dentistry” with “children” and suddenly I’m the spawn of satan.

    My boyfriend and I came up with a code recently. I really don’t like grapefruit. Whenever we encounter a brat throwing a huge tantrum and ruining our meal, movie, bus ride, you name it… or anything generally awful that kids do, I say “Man, I HATE grapefruit!!” I wish I didn’t have to speak in code, but it works for my psychologically, allows me to rant a little aloud, instead of bottling up my hatred. If I really spoke my mind the mommy police will be all over me as their precious angel can do no wrong.

    Another observation on that point – interesting how our culture reveres children as these precious little angels put on pedestals of utter perfection, but completely discards our elderly. Whereas the opposite is true in many other cultures, and in our own history, where the elderly are/were treated respectfully, thought of as wise leaders of the community, and children are/were kept in their place. Now that those brats are growing up into sniveling adult babies we’re starting to feel the effects, and helicopter parents that create such children are too busy catering to their whiny brat’s every whim to take care of their own aging parents. AWFUL.

  67. metalhamster says:

    I know this is a late reaction but I cannot express how grateful I am for this article. I’m absolutely serious. I’ve read many websites about childfree-ness, and curiously, a lot of them emphasized that even if someone doesn’t have children, they have to care for the kids of other people, or else they become too self-centered (no, really). Also, being a young woman, everybody around me assumes that I have a) men and b) children on my mind 24/7, and if I don’t start to go into spasms over an “adorable” toddler I’m a psychopath. I can’t say that I like children any more than I can say I like people – they are different, and some of them I’m compatible with, some of them are not. Reading something like the confession above is so refreshing and reassuring. So thank you again, I’ve bookmarked the page.

  68. KL says:

    HAH! Love this page, do NOT love kids.

    Like so many commenters, I have known since as early as I can even remember that I was totally indifferent and uninterested in having kids.

    I am a 30 year-old, happy, heterosexual female who cannot care less about having a baby, or about raising a baby, a toddler, a young child, a pre-teen, a teen, or even a young adult.

    Never EVER did I think there was the slightest chance that I would change my mind, though like everyone else, it has frequently been suggested to me. I like to think of that suggestion (and the bizarrely drastic assumption of lifestyle-change) as comparable to someone telling me that someday I will want to permanently tattoo my entire face and join a circus (I won’t) or someday I will want to live the rest of my life in a tent at the side of the road (yeah, NO).

  69. Dave says:

    Even as a young child I disliked other little children – especially other boys. They were noisy, belligerent, messy, dirty, stupid. Their idea of entertainment was to don a fire chief hat and run around the house yelling at the top of their lungs. Ugh!

    So it was odd to have my own children. My wife, a former NICU nurse, knew exactly how to care for babies, which saved both the babies and me much misery. But once they got a bit older, I fell in love with them and discovered them to be amazingly pliable. They seemed to adapt to whatever norm we set for them. Whether they were gifted or whether all children are as adaptable, I don’t know. But they were cleaner, quieter, and more cooperative than I’d ever imagined. Only two are left in the nest, now, and it will be sad day when the last one leaves.

    Just yesterday I asked my 13-year-old what the difference was between knowledge and wisdom. She brightened and said, “Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.” She has been delighting me this way for the past 12 years.

    • Elle says:

      What a successful father you must be, loving your children only after they grew “older” and “pliable”. Congrats, father of the year!

      • Scarlett says:

        Yes how lovely for you and why are you on here? I do not believe your experience will have any impact whatsoever on anyone else’s decision on liking or having children but hopefully you’ll understand enough to keep your children away from me on planes and at restaurants and of course you’d appreciate that others may not find your kids as adorable as you do.

        • Tiffany says:

          You know, he was just sharing his experience. He didn’t tell you that you are wrong or worse off or anything. It’s called having a conversation. If you want people to respect your perspective you have to learn to respect others. Sheesh.

          • Rachel says:

            I agree. Very hypocritical here! He was sharing his experience of not liking children but then developing a love, learning, and growing from an experience. Very immature reaction. He respected and related to our experience of not wanting children and shared his. Just because he became happy with a decision that differs from your own you hate on him? You are having the same if not worse attitude that you get mad at many parents of having. Hypo baby! Get over yourself already! If you want respect treat others with respect. It’s that damn golden rule – treat others the way you would like to be treated!

            • Babi says:

              To me he sounds exactly like one of those self-righteous individuals that give us grief, those I-Know-What’s-Best-For-You types who keep telling us that we’ll change our mind when we have a child of our own. Because THEY did. The sentence at the end (does he know it’s a quote from Kington? What’s so “delightful” about a teenager who’s memorised an aphorism?) is designed to melt us – alas, it’s patronising.

  70. Sarah says:

    I don’t like them either. For the first 20+ years of my marriage I was told we’d have an oops or change our minds. I always knew that I wouldn’t, and, well, there are ways to take care of an “oops” other than giving birth. I was told how much I would regret it when I was older and . . . I’m older now, not one scintilla of regret to be found. All women – and men, for that matter – are cut out to be parents. You’d think the people who take parenthood seriously would be grateful that the less than enthusiastic potential parents decide to opt out. I suppose they would, if it actually were about what’s best for children. But I don’t think it really is.

  71. Chris says:

    I’m a guy and, frankly, I don’t like kids, either. Until about the age of 14, I don’t find them to be “fun,” “intellectually-stimulating,” and, frankly, I’d be more interested mowing the lawn. They’re not “funny” – “Knock knock, *you’re supposed to say who’s there!” I didn’t say it because I didn’t want you to continue, thank you very much. Come back when you can recite some Ralphie May or Ron White bits, then we can converse.

    Kids are loud, obnoxious, misbehave and this generation of “let them do what they want to express themselves” parents need a kick in the face. I didn’t just pay $40 for a babysitter so I could come to this sit-down restaurant and have your kids climbing around, yelling, and eyeballing me over the seat. Not everyone is entertained by your spawn and, frankly, it makes me want to figure out what car you came in so I can key the doors. If it’s not below a golden arches sign, keep your kids still and quiet. Can’t do that? Two words: pizza delivery. Then the rest of the world can be at peace.

    “I drew you a picture!” Great. It’s two squiggly lines to add to my pile of the other 300 pictures of squiggly lines that you have given me in the last five minutes. “Watch what I can do!” Toe out, toe in. Fantastic. You’ve learned the first move to the hokey-pokey. “My mommy said I can be an astronaut when I grow up!” I’m sure she did, and you along with the other 3,000,000 kids whose mom said can be an astronaut can all go up in the shuttle together because the world just needs that many astronauts… infuriatingly annoying. I have no patience for ankle biters.

    I suppose all of this makes me a bad person, “How can you not like kids!?” I just don’t. If one single aspect of someone’s personality makes him or her a ‘bad person’ then I subject that there are a whole lot of ‘bad people’ out there.

  72. Michelle says:

    Perfectly said AJ! I am with you. On the same page. I have worked and still work with children and starting to feel miserable more and more. I don’t think I would have the patience to have and raise my one children any more.
    And you are right, parents see no wrong! It’s like they are brainwashed. It’s interesting and frustrating at the same time. I really don’t see any good reasons to have a baby.
    I wonder if there will be any regrets later though..

    • Aleja says:

      I thought I was the only person living in misery!! For personal reasons I’m obligated to work with kids, I feel the more I hate my job, the more stuck I am with it! Can’t wait for things to change because kids are making me go craaazy.
      !! I guess there was a time where I wanted to have kids, now Im not sure.. I feel every person is given a certain amount of patience to deal with children….. and I already wasted mine with annoying kids that aren’t even mine!!!
      I like babies and I actually love the idea of having that experience with the man I love, but once they grow is a different story. I feel very uncomfortable around kids, specially with another adult around because I gotta pretend I’m entertained with their stupid stories or that their cough and sneezes in my face don’t bother me or that I can’t smell their farts or feel their sticky hands!!
      Because of my “job” I feel no desire to get up every morning (for those that may be thinking… so do something about it!, believe me…I want but right now I cant). But at least I can walk away from them as soon as I’m off…..people says (including my mother) it will be different with your own kids….. well yeah! Because you have not option, you gotta deal with it!!
      I still open to the possibilities but if one day I have my own kid I know for sure I don’t want to be a stay at home mom, I know that first I want to be a wife then a mom and keep it always in that order, I know just one is more than enough, I know ill raise him/her to be a smart, self sufficient person because we live in a kid-centered world that has created spoiled brats that cry and whine and complaint 80% of the time for no real reason!!
      I also know that my kid would be my kid and no other people’s business, I hate when moms talk on behalf of her child and with a squeaky voice pretend the kid is talking to me (oh miss *** do u see how pretty I look in my new outfit that nana gave me?? Don’t I look precious??) or when they start a conversation with me about dumb stories about their kids…. guess what? I don’t care, I don’t find your topic interested, I don’t see how is gonna change my life or make my day better…. please, just please SHUT UP!!!!!!
      I’m glad I found this site, its just liberating to say out loud what I feel without the fear of people thinking I’m a monster or I’m just jealous of what I don’t have. I’m jealous of people whose work has nothing to do with kids! But what I do have is freedom, money and time to spend as I want….. and actually it feels pretty awesome!

  73. AJ says:

    I loved the comments. whats weird is, I’ve worked with kids for 13 years (volunteered, daycare, and babysat -you name it). Now, as my patience gets shorter, I realize I don’t particularily care for kids anymore. Their annoying, they don’t listen, The parents see no wrong in what they do. Did it take 13 years to figure this out? maybe lol. I’m 29 now, I refuse to have kids or work with them ever again. My maternal insticnt is gone. I love this page though. I love all the comments. And I don’t care how blunt it is, if you don’t like kids-you don’t like em! Enough said!

  74. Arrielle Seafish says:

    Dear Erica,
    I appreciate your honesty and the courage to say what’ s on your mind. I believe there are many women out there who feel the same. I read somewhere in a book, that the love for a child is the same as the love for a man: you can’t love all men, as you can’t love all children. Some are compatible with you others don’t.

    At the same time, I am putting these feelings in perspective: the ways we treat the children nowadays made them unbearable. In my time my dad / mom / grandfather..etc. would have slept the ..something out of me if I was throwing tantrums because I wanted something from a store, I didn’t want to go where they were going, I was interrupting..etc.

    Today these are norms of behavior. We do not see that this permissiveness took a toll on us, as adults. We have ruined our adult lives ( made up of adult interaction, conversations, and bonding) to create little monsters, entitled, with lack of empathy and very selfish.

  75. Erica says:

    I don’t HATE children. I just dislike them. Ironically, I had to have three of my own to know this. I love my kids but I enjoy them more as older. Only one is a child still and I just don’t have the patience or enjoyment for her. Thank goodness she has her father who loves to spend time with her.

    I absolutely love my girls and would do anything for them. But the four year old is difficult, whiny, uncooperative, selfish, and won’t go to sleep!

    I avoid to the fullest, if I can help it, playdates to anywhere. I don’t think kids are cute or adorable. I think they are loud, obnoixous, whiny and just don’t find the cuteness of them. I especially do not do well with children whose parents let them get away with all kinds of bad behavior. I have been a mom for 22 years and I rarely have found a parent who disciplines a child for bad behavior. Bad behavior would include but not limited to interrupting and whining. It is so difficult to have a conversation with a parent when their child is around because they continue to allow their child to do one of these. I rarely see a parent take control and do something about it.

    With this being said, I do hope my feelings change a little for the better before I become a grandparent. I wish I didn’t feel this way but I do and have for a very long time.

    • Pat says:

      Your feelings probably won’t change, even when/if you become a grandmother. I am in a similar situation and while my husband loves being a granddad, I do not enjoy my grandson at all. Bottom line, if you don’t love kids and don’t want to be a mother with all your heart, DON’T DO IT!!

  76. Arrielle Seafish says:

    Dear Nissa,
    You spoke from my mind. I do not like children either. And I am saying it after a couple of years spent around them. I babysit kids ranging from 1.5 to 8 YO. Every time I met a new child I told to myself: ” this time it will be different. Try to get closer to him/ her and you will see, you will like him”. It did not happen. Besides all the things you mentioned above, one encompassing feeling I had then, and still have now, when I recall that period is that somebody was stealing my life. I feel a deep sense of frustration every time I think that I had to do that job. At that time it was the only job I could do because of language reasons. ( I am a foreigner).
    I was wondering if it is only me who has this feeling. Whenever I am around them I feel like they are taking a part of me, it gets almost physical. Yes, I don’t like them.

  77. Lila says:

    So nice to find other women who don’t like children! I’m 24 yo and never ever wanted children. I never enjoyed playing dolls or taking care of other children. It’s not that I hate them or would do any harm to a child at all! I just don’t like being around them, I don’t find them cute or interesting, they’re extremely annoying and I really hate to be responsible for someone’s emotional and material needs. I have said only once out loud that I don’t like children and I learned I’d better never do it again as it caused an awful reaction in my family with people who didn’t like me prior to this insinuating I should not be left alone with my siblings (who were little at the time) or I might kill them! I was agasp, seeing that my siblings always liked me and I also liked them even more as they got older, to be treated like a potential serial killer simply because when asked why I didn’t want children I said I didn’t like them!? There’s a huge pressure on women to have children and love them, but since I was a kid I never complied to these expectations. And from what I observe, no it’s not always true that once you have children you’ll love them. There’s lots of literature suggesting that no, it’s not always like that and the sad thing is you can’t return them and will feel a lot more pressure because deep down you know you don’t enjoy them. So, if you don’t feel like having children, just don’t! Tune out all the social pressure and be happy with yourself instead of having a child and spending the rest of your life unhappy as well as making another human being (the child) unhappy with something s/he isn’t guilty of.

  78. Paulina says:

    I just wonder…. why is it like that with me?
    Where has it come from?

  79. Alison says:

    Are you inside my head? I could have written this. Been told the same thing, only my response has been kids are not like cars you can’t return them after the test drive.

    • Paulina says:

      I am young, I am 23 and I do not feel I have a heart for kids. It is strange, I loved all kids, saying “how cute!” and then, after the kids my mum took care of left to USA, I stopped enjoying them even when they came back, and it is tough u know. I ve got a job where I work with kids, and I hoped it would be fine, but I feel like I just cannot. It is so much true, I love giving compassion to adults, consolation, inspiration, all of that. But, I just so much hate doing it with kids. But dear little kids, it is not I do not care for you or I do not love you, I just do not like doing it. Forgive me:)

      • Josh says:

        I really thought I was the only one in thinking this… I’m so glad I’m not, and I’m so glad I’m not the only guy that commented on this article. I am 24 right now, and just find it annoying as can be when a kid starts yelling or crying or anything really. I have a seven-year-old nephew, and yeah I love him because he’s my sister’s son, but I don’t have to deal with him thankfully. I’ve also had instances where I’ve scorned other people’s kids in public because their parents wouldn’t. A few months ago I had to go to the bathroom in a restaurant, and a kid comes in a few moments after. He pulled the door, which was locked, but instead of knowing “Hey, it’s locked. Someone must be in here” the bastard got down and crawled underneath the stall. Really? And then when I tried telling his parents this after getting out, the parents said “Don’t tell me how to raise my kid.” So, you’re okay with your kid bugging people as they try to use the bathroom? Good luck with that, lady… Let’s not to mention how we all have had instances of kids screaming and running around in stores as you try to go about your business… Funny how in church it’s all supposed to be about the kids, when in reality, you just simply don’t want to deal with them.

  80. CrazyCatLady says:

    Just made it to 49 and never changed a nappy (diaper) in my life. I have less than zero interest in children.

    Two years ago I married my childhood sweetheart. He had 2 boys with ex wife who are in their 20’s now. Were they happy for their father to have found love and to be happy? Nope, they were so worried about their inheritance they had to ask him about what provisions he has made for them. I cannot fathom why people have them.

    • Isabela says:

      Exactly, you put all your efforts in raising your children and when they become adults all they want to know is about how much money and properties will you leave to them when you die.
      No, thanks. I prefer to use my time, my money and my energy in things that pleases me, not into ones that only are interested in using me.

      • Scarlett says:

        Yes they are self absorbed narcissistic pains. At least I was brought up to love and respect my parents. Now it’s all about them and their parents are so grateful for any attention they get they buy it with money and material things.

  81. suzanne says:

    It’s wonderful that I found this website. I was married for 25 years and tried unsuccessfully to have kids- the ex and I both really wanted a family, and I was heartbroken when I couldn’t have any babies. We then tried adoption and that didn’t work either. You either get older, disturbed special needs kids, or you spend a fortune to adopt a baby from overseas. We couldn’t do it, so we tried to live childless, which was very tough, what with family and friends having babies every time we turned around. My ex, who came from a large, close-knit family, and who had 3 badly-brought up kids with his 1st wife, turned against me and left me because I couldn’t have kids and he wanted to be able to raise a child before he was too old to enjoy it. I wanted kids but couldn’t have any, so he moved it with his girlfriend to help “raise” her bratty young daughter, who she had no interest in raising by herself.
    Since I’ve been on my own, I’ve noticed how loud, rude, wild, demanding, badly-behaved most kids are that I see out in public. It seems every time I go into a store, I hear loud wailing all around the store from people’s kids. That disembodied wailing just comes at you from all over the store-any store whatsoever. There’s no escaping from it no matter where you go. Or people’s kids are seen running like animals thru the store aisles and shrieking like crazy. And I don’t think screaming, squealing babies or toddlers are at all cute either. Most parent’s attitudes are just “kids will be kids.” And they let their brats act up in public. If the kids act that uncontrollable in public, what are they like at home? I don’t hate kids at all, but it seems that nowadays, a lot of people coddle, indulge their kids and let them get away with almost any bad behavior. When we were kids, our parents, teachers, other adults held us responsible for our own behavior and gave us consequences (severe at times) for our bad behavior. Nowadays, it seems that all people want to do is overprotect and spoil their kids. If you’re in public and a kid screams or acts up, the parents get after you and come after you instead of dealing with their kids.

  82. Camille says:

    I have never liked children. I have always viewed them as little alien creatures with whom I have nothing in common with. I cant stand watching cartoons and playing childrens games. I love my niece and nephew but can only take a certain amount of their high energy before I need some quiet time. Their intelligence is higher than normal and that seems to help tremendously with conversation and their understanding of answers I give to questions. Im very nurturing but also independent and driven to succeed in my career. I always felt a child would need more attention than I could give and besides, the wrong people are popping out kids like candy dispensers. Why should I add to that? Call me a loner I guess.

  83. CityGirl81 says:

    It’s nice to see other people who feel the way I do. What is amazing to me is in the dating world how men act when they find out you don’t have them, don’t want them and have no desire to date anyone with them. As a 30 something black woman, this can be a MAJOR challenge. I REFUSE to give up my lifestyle because some dude had spawn with the wrong broad. I would rather stay single. I don’t want kids and I have no intention on entertaining or paying for spawn I didn’t create.

    • eastside81 says:

      I hear you! I too am a 30 something black woman who doesn’t like kids. I also tried the route of dating someone who had kids. Didn’t work for long. I had no interest. And I’m really not sure I want any of my own. I get annoyed and find myself leaving any place where they are. I definitely never fell for the hype and people get amazed when I say I don’t have any children. I guess it’s just not the norm for a woman to not like or want them versus a guy not wanting to.

  84. Alan says:

    Quite a variety of comments here.

    I’d say that I don’t “hate” children, that seems excessive. And I don’t automatically dislike children as a group…ie all those under 18

    However (and I think many here might agree with this) I don’t like being around people who are loud, hyper, erratic, uninteresting, or lacking in social skills. I have encountered some adults like this, but I find these characteristics far more common among children. Not all, but most.

    Not that it’s their fault. They just haven’t had the time to develop a sufficient amount of social skills, emotional self-control, and patience. Adults have these things, and thus can behave appropriately and make small talk even with people they don’t like or with whom they share nothing in common.

    The kids will develop these skills in time. Some may do it while they’re still children. Which is why I don’t say I don’t like being around all children. Just most children

    • Stephanie says:

      100% This. Intelligent, quiet, and mostly well-behaved (no kid, or adult for that matter is perfect, I understand there will be loud/annoying moments even with the best kids) kids are perfectly fine with me. That’s how I was when I was a kid. I didn’t even like most kids when I was one because of this. I just like my quiet and deep/intelligent conversations. Some kids are capable of this, most aren’t. This also doesn’t mean I hate or wish any kid harm, even the ones I dislike.

  85. Jordan says:

    To say that one dislikes children is a very disgusting thing to say. Would one proclaim very openly that they dislike any other group of people–elderly people, middle-aged people, teen-aged people? I doubt it. But for some reason, people feel it is appropriate to say that they dislike children. That is incredibly inappropriate, and I would be wary of letting any child hang around such people.
    If a person does not want to bear or parent children, saying that is not inappropriate at all. There are many wonderful, compassionate people in the world that don’t parent children. But to then say that they hate children channels a lot of anger and deep-seated hatred towards a particular age-group of human beings.
    Unwarranted prejudice against any group of human population diminishes us all.

    • Alison says:

      I think your post just made the point of the original blog. There is a great deal of anger towards anyone who might not think your screaming, rude, brats are cute and sweet. Trust me those of us who do not like young children don’t want to be around them any more than you want to let them be around us. Please don’t assume everyone thinks children are great and enjoy being around them

      • Erica says:

        I agree with Alison on this. How we feel when we are around children/kids is how we feel. Your FEELING of “disqusting” is just that…. a feeling! So why do you get to have your feeling but we don’t?

        • Trell Brown says:

          I also agree with this. I’m still mulling over the fact that my (Pregnant again) sister want’s me to babysit her kid back home in Detroit in order for me to have a place to stay (i’m currently homeless in Harrisburg, PA). Her and her man both work form 6 in the morn to at least 6 or 7 at night. I don’t have the patience to deal with children, as 1. I don’t have kids of my own, 2. I can’t stand the screaming and wailing 3. I have absolutely no idea how to feed, or change a kid, 4. i have a very short temper.

      • Nina S says:

        Thanks for this wonderful post! And when it comes to ‘all kids being so great,’ – no they’re not.

        That depends a lot on their parents, – and the more I look around, the more people (parents and adults who are in charge of the kids – such as kindergarten etc) seem to care less and less about the kids, – and more about themselves.

        – There are hardly any boundaries anymore for kids, they can be as loud as they want, where they want, when they want. Of course there are parents who are not like that.

        Of course there are kids who are more quiet – and so on. And yes, kids should be able to be loud – but not all the time, and everywhere.
        I like my nephews and, hanging out with them (they are 4 and 9 years old) that’s alright every now and then (that’ll say, – about once a month, since me and my fiance don’t live together yet, and I only see them when I visit him.)

        – But even them, as sweet as they cand be, – are loud, noisy, sometimes very rude (especially the younger one) and sometimes I wanna tell their parents that they gotta let the kids know that a – no, is a no. That it is not alright to hit people or dogs, that screaming so loud that the neighbors wonders if they are being beaten is not a way to get what they want and well, simply set some boundaries, and put the work in to stick to those boundaries.
        Yes, – I do know, sometimes people are to stressed out to this and to that, to actually keep those boundaries – but that should not be the regular way to go with raising kids.

        All in all, – I like a few kids – my nephews and a few more, they are alright, – but no, I do not like all kids. And I am fine with that.

        For all of those who claims to like kids so much, – get a job at a kindergarten, – or some other place where you are able to work with kids – go babysit some friends kids, – great, be around kids.
        – But accept that there are people out there who simply find it boring to be around kids, who don’t find them that cute or special – who simply are happy with a kid free life.

    • Divya says:

      Same can be said about those who openly proclaim that they hate dogs, cats, or are racist. There is nothing wrong with being open about any type of dislike. Kids are extremely rude, loud and irritating. I changed my seat in a local train four times because i was getting pissed with the noise and jumping around and the peeking into my phone. Parents do not bother to control their kids. It irritates others in public places. Not everyone will go goo-goo over badly mannered children. Obviously you shouldn’t burden someone who doesn’t like kids with your kids, even if they are family members. If you are open about your dislike/hatred towards dogs/cats, I am not going to ask you pet sit for me.

  86. Elizabeth says:

    I don’t like kids and I don’t want kids, my own or stepchildren.
    As an African woman, it is unheard of to say that you don’t want children. The African woman’s role for a long time has been wife and mother, and when you’re not fulfilling either or both, there’s something wrong with you. And I hate that.

  87. FP says:

    Excellent post! Deciding whether you like kids or not seems to be quite the unspoken prerequisite to raising children. So many individuals believe that it is something that they have to do.
    I’m almost 26, and I have people asking me if I am married and have kids. I said neither. *POOF!* Instant pariah. I have presented an unfathomable concept to my peers and elders. Oh no! I do not like kids either. I don’t hate them or wish them harm. That is not the case. I just don’t want to deal with them. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid.
    I work in a grocery store and I see and hear screaming kids and miserable parents 40 hours per week. If I cannot tolerate a screaming child for more than 5 seconds, I should never be a parent.
    I think that we all should make the decision to like kids or not and be open about it BEFORE entering parenthood. By acknowledging beforehand that you are not parental material could save a child from having an unhappy living situation if conceived. Enough said.

    • Isabela says:

      Wait till you reach your 30’s … then you will know what is the real presure ; )

      • Otowngrl says:

        I’m so glad i”m now in my forties. I had my tubes tied in my mid-twenties, and I’ve never looked back. I kept being told I’d regret it when I was in my thirties, but I didn’t. I kept being told I’d feel my biological clock ticking, which I never did. The fact of the matter is, there are a lot of people out there who have no interest in becoming parents. It would be nice if we could stop pressuring people to reproduce and just let people choose for themselves. maybe there would fewer BAD parents out there if people were allowed to weigh the decision carefully without the hard sell of friends and family… not to mention the media itself.

  88. Roar says:

    I think you are selfish to think like that, yet not because I`m a little undecided and don`t know the answer myself. . You are selfish because it wont help humans growing, loving, fearing, hating, smiling, laughing, losing, and most of all you wont introduce anyone new into this world.
    Yet you are not because you feel children are egoistic and dirty? Is it hard because humans generally have bad morals and etics, and you are afraid of bringing that over to your child?
    Is it because you don`t feel like having more responsebillities, or are you affraid of having it over your head?
    So why should you have Children(goals and morals)?
    My answer for: I build future for children so they can build the future for the next generation.
    No mather what they become, I will be part of generating the future world.
    No mather what happens I will make my child(s) and they will make some difference in this world, if not much.
    I will make a difference in this world trough myself and my childs, and I will live happily after :). (although stupid, bad, evil, hateful, sorrow may happen).
    Argument against: Responsibilities, hard future, humans learns yet does not. So is this the arguments?
    I may have written a whole text about gibberish but I will take humans to the next generation :). I will make children and I wan`t make them king of this world, in what way possible :D.

    • Chris says:

      “…most of all you wont introduce anyone new into this world.”

      That’s fine. There’s already a water crisis and over-population is becoming more and more of an issue. I won’t contribute to the future destruction of the planet.

    • Otowngrl says:

      It’s funny how people who feel the need and desire to replicate their DNA call those who don’t desire it “selfish.” It’s not to say that every parent out there is selfish, but I’ve met plenty of parents who are more concerned with “leaving their legacy” than treating their children like individuals with their own personalities and desires. And then there are the lazy parents… The parents who have children and let them run amok because it’s “too hard” to parent their children and teach them to behave like normal human beings.

      • Scarlett says:

        Ha what a load of gibberish. I have never heard an unselfish reason to have children. It’s to look after them in their old age, to have someone to love them, because they want to stay home rather than go out and work (seriously, from quite a few ) because everyone expects them to ( as if that’s a good reason?) When I ask why not adopt one of the millions of unwanted kids currently around I’m told it must be biologically theirs or it wouldn’t be the same (why?) or they say I need their kids to pay taxes or to look after me when I’m old- no I don’t. I’ve worked for 35 years, taken no maternity leave and no parental hand outs and accumulated plenty of money to afford care from people who are already born in this overpopulated world.

    • Laura says:

      What a bunch of nonsense. Forgive me, but I think one of the reasons I decided not bring chikldren to this world is to avoid they become someone with such shallow thinking.

  89. Awesome post. I’m considered a pioneer in the childfree movement. In 1974, when I was interviewed about my choice never to have or raise children, I had NO idea what pronatalism was and how it can disrupt your life. Mike Wallace ended that show with, “Pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day. Good night everyone.” The next day, I lost my job as a dedicated teacher. I was picketed when I spoke. My dog’s life was threatened as well as mine! I was labeled a “Godless bitch”.
    The interesting thing is people perceived me to be a child hater. In fact, I was and still am… a dedicated woman to the joys of teaching whether young or old.
    I simply couldn’t stand the idea of the lifestyle of raising a child. For me, it was a career that didn’t suit my needs.
    I’ve shared the whole journey of “coming out” in 1974 as a childfree woman in my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”. I answer the burning question of whether I have regrets at the age of 70.
    I’m getting the most heartwarming reviews and personal letters from all over the world. Apparently, even though the idea of choice is prevalent now, there still remains the social stigma against the childfree by choice.People still are fearful to say what Eleanore wrote.
    A piece such as this is honest, real and refreshing. If only I had these kinds of things to read when I made the choice not to have kids!
    I will add it to my blog and twitter page. It’s an oldie but goody! Thank you Eleanore!

    • Eleanore says:

      Thanks so much for writing, Marcia. Please be in touch if you’d like to write a guest post. Could. Be interesting

    • FP says:

      This just shows the ignorance of society and how it has spanned over the years. Most people I have known have chosen the cookie cutter lifestyle and shun individuality and creativity. I grew up in the Midwest and I am still being harassed for not wanting to start a family, especially by my relatives. I am a musician, and raising children would highly interfere with that. I cannot see how being child-free would negatively affect your performance as a teacher. In fact, I think it would have improved it since you might have had more time to process information and questions instead of tending to children. If these people cannot accept who you are and what you choose, they are not worth acknowledging, in my opinion.

      • Nissa says:

        Thanks, Marcia. I am so appreciative for those who came before us and paved the road for more open mindedness, tolerance and acceptance.
        Let’s remember both Elenore’s and Marcia’s book are available on Amazon.com! It doesn’t hurt to let publishers know that there is a demand for books in this genre.

  90. Ili says:

    „However, when I spent time around my friends’ kids I noticed….it wasn’t fun. I wasn’t having that “oh aren’t they cute” feeling. The feeling I got was, “no thanks, I think I’ll pass” and “how soon can I leave?” (…)But the more I tried, the less I enjoyed them. I didn’t find babies cute – they were just uninteresting. I didn’t enjoy the crying, the smells and the random smears of what might be chocolate or poop.”

    Amen to that.
    Well, really, I never thought I could enjoy kids or would be like “anyone else”… in fact I once realized how odd it seems to be to many people NOT wanting kids. I thought I was like anyone else… lol Than I had to realize that you – especially as a woman – are supposed to love kids.

    A colleague has a baby now, a very very small one. I was the first colleague to see it (because we are not just colleagues, but also friends). I was like “Oh cute”, and shortly touched its nose. Well, that was it. Than she came to visit us with her baby at work and the other (female) colleagues were really fighting who’s allowed to hold the baby next. I was standing next to it and thought: Wow, that’s how you are supposed to act, when you see a newborn baby?
    I had the chance to hold the baby a whole evening before, but I didn’t even think about it.
    Another friend has a kid, now one and a half year old. Although it’s cute looking (one of the few cute looking kids, in my eyes) I really don’t want to touch it. He’s full of slime and slobber, drooling all the time, taking everything in his mouth. Can’t help, but I think this is disgusting. He could be cute, if he wouldn’t drool. And yeah… if I knew what to do with him…

  91. Nothankyou says:

    You’re not the only one. I do not like children and am happily childless. I will not even date a divorced guy who has kids. I used to worry that not liking children was abnormal. I think a lot of women feel this way, but we stay closeted. I’m out… I’m proud… I don’t like kids!

  92. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this! I have no problem telling people I don’t want children when they ask me when my fiancé of 11 years and I will birth a kid. I’m upfront and honest. I’m PROUD to say I do not want children. The funny part is, most people look at me and say, “good for you. I wish I’d never had kids”. Clearly, there are entirely too many people in this world who regret having kids. I feel awkward and uncomfortable around almost all kids, and I resent their parents for assuming I’m okay with them around me or showing me pictures of them. I don’t care, sorry. I really hate hearing people say, “you were a kid”. Yes. I was. But I didn’t have many friends as a child (only child) and I grew up around adults. I found myself hating other kids and wanting to center myself around older people.

    I’m really sick of people getting rewarded by having kids. Baby showers are the culprit. If you get knocked up, you’ll probably get a bunch of free stuff with it. You’ll at least get some good tax breaks, which I also find absurd. Over population is a huge problem and people get rewarded by having as many kids as possible. Teen mothers get a tv show! Society has got to crap with the invention of Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant! Where are my rewards for NOT reproducing, increasing my carbon foot print, and contributing to the overpopulation of America?!

  93. Grace says:

    I do not like kids

    I do not like their sticky hands,
    I do not like their poopy pants,
    I do not like their boogery noses,
    I do not like their screechy voices,
    So don’t ask me why
    I don’t want a kid,
    Tell me why you do instead

  94. Trudy H says:

    OMG! So happy I found your page which has made me realize I am normal. I. Do. Not. Like. Kids. I think babies are cute to look at for a moment but then I’ve had enough. My husband and I decided to have just one child 14 years ago and I thank God everyday that he is a very quiet, keep-to-himself child. Extremely bright, is always thinking of others and is happy to just be. Anyone who meets me says I should have been a teacher or daycare owner because kids warm up to me quickly. Really? You would think the death stare would make them run.

    Now the ironic part is, all our friends have more than one child. They vacation several times a year and leave their hellions behind. I can’t wrap my head around that one. I brought this kid into the world to show him the world. I raised him to be grateful and not whiny so he is a great traveller. Makes me think that many parents don’t like their own spawns!

    Thanks for making my rainy day brighter 🙂

  95. max kors says:

    I’m so sick and tired of the ignorance of ppl talking about their “carbon footprint” the only carbon footprint there is in the world is if you were walking around outside and tracked some carbon onto the carpet.

  96. Jack says:

    My wife and I have been married for 3 years. She has 2 “adult” children from a previous marriage, and they also have young children. I know this is going to sound crazy but, every time one of the grand kids coughs, sneezes, farts etc., her damn cellphone rings. After saying that, let me also add that my wife’s son is 30 and her daughter is 28. Now, back to the story. I told my wife, even before our, first date, that I didn’t have children and that I didn’t want or need any. My wife calls these two grown children EVERY night of our lives, just to say “good night and I love you”. She has spent our entire time together trying to convince me of how great these children are and how great it is to be a parent and a grandparent. And now the ending, as of yesterday, I told my wife that I no longer wanted to be married to her and the family. I realize that I have wasted these past few years on someone that I truly and deeply love but, nothing will and nothing can bring the time back.

    • ML says:

      No, Jack. Nothing can ever bring the time back. Be happy that you time with someone you loved and move on. Once a person has children you cannot ask them not to love their children – that’s just wrong. Your next love should be someone who shares your distaste for children – or you will end up in the same boat again.

  97. Klio says:

    I am not fond of children, can take or leave them although I prefer the latter. Here is my misanthropic glitch… I resent people having children.

    I hate their giant strollers in the grocery store, and their excuses for allowances never offered to me because “they have kids.” Well i have a life too, it just hasn’t involved me pumping a human out an orifice. They get a tax break because they bred? WTF? I have to take vacation time to take my cat to the vet, but if little Joey’s sick it’s natural to use sick leave. I pay taxes for schools and that’s fine, I would rather have an educated population… but people don’t seem to be very educated as they are breeding like crazy and fail to correlate that a majority of world ills come from overpopulation.

    Here’s a blasphemous thought, I think there should be a tax for having children. After all breeders use more resources and require more services. People may think their child is so very precious, I just see big noisy carbon footprints in a SUV size stroller.

  98. Grizzly Bear Mom says:

    See your friends out on your terms: at a more expensive restaurant, when the kids will be in bed or visit their houses after they put their darlings to sleep. I love my friends, but not necesssarily their kids.

  99. Hortensia Mendez says:

    I dont like kids. there I said it. Always have to be making excuses when people ask me why my husband and I don’t have children and we have been together for 10 years, I am 33 now, when my friends ask me when I am going to have children I always answer with a vague, “later” but the truth is we are both perfectly happy and fine without kids and have never and will never have the intention of having kids. We love animals though and have quite a lot of them. I don’t understand why people feel is an obligation to want to have kids. I never had the want for it, I dont see why I would want to spend more and have a complicated life when I can have my life which I perfectly love and feel fine with. And we really are not bad people but people always seem to think there is this hidden explanation why you would not want kids… The reason is really very simple for me. I just dont like them. There I said it. Thanks for the post.

  100. tabatha 75 says:

    I feel the same way, I dont have any children and a friend of mine asked what are you going to do when you are old ? Dont you want someone to take care of you? I said I dont think that is a good reason to have children and who knows what the future holds. People always ask how many children do I have and when I say none they ask why. I am so tired of that question. I have always been told how great I am with children even more so than alot of my friends and that I should have some at least one. I want to say leave me alone about my personal bussiness. I didnt tell you that you would be a bad parent and your kids would be brats. It is so nice to know there are others I feel alone and weird when ever the baby subject gets brought up. THANKS.

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  102. Michelle913 says:

    What a relief to find this website – I completely agree with this post. I never thought I wanted kids, but I’ve felt a lot of pressure from others now that I’m in my late 30s. I stressed about it so much. I knew I didn’t want them now but feared I might regret not having them. Ultimately decided that’s not a good enough reason to have them! And what a relief to finally accept my own decision! I strongly disagree with all the parents who say having kids is the meaning of life. Surely we are more than breeders. Great post, thank you!

  103. Sera Page says:

    Ive been reading a lot about introversion vs extoversion and, as a very introverted person who never wanted to have kids, I think there’s a connection. First I want to say Im sure there are extroverts who dont want kids. But as an introvert I understand that quiet and peace are utterly important for me. Lots of external stimulation is extremely draining and it takes a lot of quiet to recharge. When do you get that with children? Loud noise, chaos, hyperactivity, bashing stuff, toys that buzz and beep, screaming tantrums, crying jags, even peels of delight are so exhausting that I can only get through so much and then I need a quiet room and a book….and a merlot. My liver would fall out if I was exposed to that in my own home every minute of every day.

    In this society introversion is treated like it’s wrong, a malady. It’s not shyness, it’s not lacking in social skills, it’s being wired differently physiologically. Anyway, I can tell you that all the noise, the constancy of it all, the not making any sense….it’s absolutely why I never had children, hated the times I was forced to babysit and dread my friend coming to visit with her child. Oh god….my house, my pets, my aching eardrums…. People treat childless people like they treat introverts…like it’s wrong, abnormal, fixable.

    Now…how do I get my friend to not bring junior over to visit!

    • Cagney says:

      Hey yur so right. Ppl call me selfish cuz of my attitute towards children. It may seem harsh but i hate kids voices toys and havinv to interact with them. Everything they do seem to annoy me. thats y i distance myself from kids and i will never have one of my own. why do ppl see this as a problem some ppl are jus not fit for kids and im def one of them.

  104. Cagney says:

    I feel so much better now that ive read this article. Im 30 and i strongly dislike children. Im selfish and i love to sleep. I hate having to wake up to a crying child, having to feed and cloth him or her. I love my freedom and not havi.g responbilites of caring for a child. My nerves gets bad when im around a child. Having to put up with their behavior at home, school, or in public places. Having to put myself second when it comes to things i want. I just broke up with my girlfriend because she has 3 kids. She’s not able to spend time with me nor jus get up and go anywhere. I know it seems horrible but i never seem to get attached to children or think any of their actions is cute. I hate hearing their voices. And i love to sleep and i hate havin to get up to tend to kids. Kids are pointless in my life i jus enjoy peace and quietness way to much. I hate when i play my ps3 they bug me to let themplay or i cant watch tv cuz they want the channel on cartoons. Bottom line i hate kids and i jus relize its no hope for me. So from now on i cant date anyone who has children

  105. Natalia says:

    I, too, do not like kids – I don’t have the patience for them. Further, I don’t eve like carrying around a purse so I cannot imagine toting a child everywhere I go. And whenever I’m met with comments like, “you’d be a great mom,” or “it’s different when they’re you own,” I just want to reply with, “YOU DON’T KNOW ME! And stop trying to force your lifestyle on me!” No, not every woman wants or needs kids and not every woman would “be a great mom.” To confirm this statement, let me remind the baby-pushers of the world of a few women who should have never given birth: Susan Smith, Andrea Yates, Casy Anthony, and Diane Downs. So the next time a woman says she never wants kids, smile and reply, “good for you.”

  106. Karen j says:

    just curious.. why would someone who loves having kids and everything about them show up here on such a site? not being facisious but honestly just curious…

  107. Karen j says:

    47 and never had children for many reasons. Yes I am selfish and do not care to give up any aspects of my life to creating little monsters that grow up to be unappreciative human beings.
    I currently have a relationship with a man that has two boys part time and I can barely tolerate it. Even though they are 14 and 16 I feel no sense of enjoyment when they are here. i

  108. lunita says:

    Yikes! So glad this thread is out there! I have made it to 51 without EVER having changed a diaper and I have no intention of breaking my record. FWIW, I agree that mostly it’s a case of the parents: parents who make their kids the center of the universe, parents who don’t set boundaries, parents who create entitled, spoiled brats. What 12 year old should be able to interrupt a conversation incessantly? Or what 10 year old should be allowed to throw a hissy fit for losing at a board game when he’d gloat if he were winning? Uterine Borne Parasites. My boyfriend has two and they he treats them as if they were guests in his home (every other weekend and every Monday), waits on them hand and foot. No responsibilities. No objectivity when it comes to one’s one kids I guess. I won’t be able to hang much longer.

    • Karen j says:

      same! my bf waits on them hand and foot.. they are lazy spoiled kids.. I’ve been with him and them for 7 years… He wants to get them full time and that will be the day I put my walking boots on… nope.. I’m not getting any younger and will not give up my life to them.

    • Dianna says:

      Hi Lunita, I’ve made it to 54 without EVER changing a diaper, and will never ever start. Thankfully, my hubby feels the same way as I do towards kids – we don’t like them, period. I actually feel disgust and aversion towards babies, and just keep me away from the toddlers. No desire to oooh and ahhhh and play pattycake. Sorry your boyfriend has a couple of spawn. You’ll have to seriously decide how much longer you can take it. Its not worth it.

  109. Allison says:

    Beautiful! I am currently holed up in my room at my in-laws, hiding out from 2 little darlings who showed up unannounced today for a weekend visit. An entire weekend. I hate the fact that no matter what I say, they try to feed my dog food that could kill him, run around banging on the walls and yelling, and leave stinking messes everywhere. I also hate the permanent stickiness that oozes from their hands. I do not like children. I never have liked children. I hated kids when I was a child for the same reason as I do now: the smells, the noises, the chaos. Now that I can’t be legally bound to be around them, it seems the more I try to avoid them or ignore them, the more someone wants to shove them in my face. (“Here! The product of my loins! Look at it. LOOK AT IT!”)
    I’ve noticed that some of the stores around here are starting to put “Customers with Children” parking in prime spots. I’d like one for “Customers Who are Annoyed by the Very Sight of Children Behaving Badly and Want to Get the Hell Out of Here ASAP.” Until then, I still plan to nab the spot when it strikes my fancy. People with actual physical issues should get more of the close parking, anyway. Having children is not a handicap, although it is often (OFTEN) a mistake.

    • Don't Be A Bitch says:

      The spots for people with small children are necessary. I, personally, am unsure of my desire for children, but the people with kids really do need those spots. I have a good number of cousins, and when I go shopping with them, those places are a lifesaver. If you had a squirming brat and a few bags in your arms, you’d agee that the spots are truly r required. Don’t make someone carry a brat any father than absolutely necessary. Please don’t steal the spots.

      • Klio says:

        I will now make it a point to seek, park and laugh maniacally as i walk into the store. If you don’t want to carry your brat it is sooooo not my problem.

        Do people with children EVER walk?

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  111. Christy says:

    Geez I’m so glad I googled “I don’t like kids.” I feel better about myself now. I needed to hear from other people with the same feelings. I used to (and actually still do) love dolls. Used to love kids and babysit and want my own. Then, I grew up. I don’t mean that rudely. It’s just my personal facts. I can’t stand when people “show you their” and wait for your googley reaction. I dont see what the big deal is. i will go googley for your pets though. I won’t bother rehashing the post, but I feel it and thank you!

    • CatsNotKids says:

      Are you in my head???? I visited my friends with kids last night and waited and waited to be moved by the toddler running around and newborn baby in her grandmother’s arms. Not a flicker in my cold heart. Don’t care, be quiet, stop whining. Then the cat came out of the bedroom. KITTYILOVEYOU!!! Just how I’m made. Won’t apologize for how I feel – won’t mistreat a kid, but won’t be ashamed for a feeling.

  112. Tara says:

    To Nissa! Finally, who understands! I don’t like children. I cannot stand them. I hate being around them, I hate holding babies and I don’t think they’re cute. Even as a child, I didn’t like babies. As to the person above who said people who don’t like kids, don’t like people, I don’t see it as being the same thing…although there are a lot of people out there that act like full grown children (and those I can’t stand).

  113. Ilon says:

    Thank you men and women for this website! Now I know that I am not the only human being in society that feels this way. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful mother with two kids and this relationship is really taking it’s toll because of our differences.

    Although I will admit that my father was abusive with me during my upbringing; I still believe that this is not the reason why I dislike kids & don’t have any kids of my own.. As much as I try to force myself to be a part of the family I am the way I am, her kids know it and I am starting to recent them for ruining our relationship. I do love them, but they do annoy me most of the time. The are 13 (boy) and 15 (girl), know that I am not affectionate and that they wouldn’t get away with half of the things they get away with if I was the father. They do get good grades in school therefore the mother lets them get away with the misbehaving must of the time.

    She is a divorced single mother that somewhat despises her ex-husband for cheating on her. She doesn’t admit it, but believes that every man is a “player” and does not trust anyone, this is also part of the problem. As much as I can understand her situation of having to raise her kids at a very young age, the father eventually excepted his responsibilities as a parent and has joint custody.

    Why am I in this relationship you might ask? Because I met her at work and had never dated anyone with kids (she was my first). So no I didn’t know what I was getting myself into; I dislike when people say that, lol! I moved in with her and her kids 10 months after we began dating, figured since we lived so far away and we were always together that it was the best thing to do. It has been 2.2 yrs and I am starting to second guess my decision. I need some good advice from people that think alike…

  114. sara says:

    Life can be miserable when you have no desire to have children. I have been made to feel that my lack of desire to have children or even be around them is a mental illness, or some type of genetic disorder. My sister is a single parent and i often help her out with her son, but I don’t enjoy it. As a child, i didn’t like other children, and did not like playing with dolls. All I wanted was to be an adult. Whenever I hit a milestone that led me (in my opinion) closer to adulthood, it was the best day of my life. I agree that baby showers are awkward, that children are no “miracle”, and pregnancy isnt cute. It seems trendy lately to have maternity pictures, and they make my stomach turn. I wish i could be happy for parents to be, but i just feel sorry for them, and angry that I cant be accepted as a person that doesnt want to reproduce as much as they want to.

  115. William says:

    Little children are lots of fun. Then they grow up. Having children these days is tough because of how difficult it is for them to get out on their own. My 24 year old son is moving to IOWA for God sake, just to get a good job. My 21 year old is an amazing musician/songwriter who may never leave. Uh having children is a big job and responsibility and at least half of the people you know think you are not doing it correctly. That being said…I love my son’s and all of the chaos the have brought into my life.is

  116. smokie says:

    I’m not clueless. I just found it sad that someone would say they flat out don’t like kids. I can express that and not be clueless. I am not a total kid person myself, but I don’t dislike the little tykes. We were all kids at one point. I remember once, years ago, my son was watching some kid show and I said something like, “Oh this movie is full of kids,” and I kind of frowned. He looked so hurt and asked me, “You don’t like kids?” So, that is my point of reference when I hear adults say that they don’t like children. In life we won’t all agree, and it does not hurt one bit when a commenter disagrees with the masses.

  117. Krista says:

    Like others, I much prefer animals over children. I don’t hate children, I am just uncomfortable around them because truthfully, I have only been around kids only as a child and very few times as an adult. That said, I still wouldn’t mind having one child but at my age that will not likely happen and I am perfectly happy being childless.

    • Carole Heath says:

      Hi Krista,
      I must say that i to prefer my dog rather than some children i stress the word some not all. Like adults there are good and bad ones. I went to a party recently then came the loaded question from another guest have you any children no was the reply no children the echo came back oh you are blessed she said what exactly she meant by that i have no idea. I have four bully for you i thought. And walked away and went to talk to another guest a man who’s conversation did not consist of children and weddings. I try to stay away of to many women i find they pry to much loaded questions which i find annoying. Didn’t you want any no comes the answer in a high pitched fashion with an annoyed look on my face they soon back down.

  118. Caroline says:

    Love the article and the comments (except for clueless Smokie’s of course)! Thank you, ladies, for expressing the same thoughts and feelings I’ve had many times myself over the years. When I was married and people asked us when we were going to start having kids, you’d thought we were committing a felony by saying we were going to stay childfree! So many judgments and expectations in our culture, esp for women. And I’ve never liked kids – didn’t like babysitting as a kid, always preferred adults. And I do not attend baby showers, baptisms, or have friends with small children. Yawn. Getting pregnant and having a baby is NOT a miracle, just freakin’ biology! And I hate it when men say “WE’re having a baby.” Yeah, right! The biggest challenge I run into is with dating: sooo many men have kids, issues with custody and the ex(es), child support – and they’re often looking for the next “mommy” for their kid(s). Very frustrating trying to find a like-minded guy. So grateful for this website!

  119. A in NYC says:

    The pet comparison is a good one. With kids and dogs alike, you get what you raise. If you train them (and yes, you train a child) and are consistant in what you expect and how you react when you don’t get exactly that, other people won’t mind being around them. Bottom line.

    I once heard it said that the only job of a parent is to teach their children that they are not the center of the universe and that other people matter. I couldn’t agree more. Children and dogs are born with the instinct to achieve self-contentment. It is up to their parents to teach them that what they want is not always a priority.

  120. Kitty says:

    I’ve never been a fan either. I get my snuggling and nurturing fix from animals wanting to love and be loved. There are plenty of us happily child-free types around – we just keep quiet to avoid being shunned!

    • Carole Heath says:

      Yes Kitty there are lots of us child-free types around i quite agree. Animals are my great passion. I think some people are envious at times we are free to do what we want to a degree. I have never been a person who always subscribed to the status Quo.

  121. Guest says:

    And Smokie’s response is the perfect example of why it is hard to admit you don’t like being around kids. People who don’t even know you judge you to be a bad person who can’t love.

  122. SJA says:

    Hey Smokie: I disagree that saying you don’t like kids is the same as saying you don’t like people. I think the comments reflect the honest feelings of a number of women who chose not to have children. Although many posts were strongly worded, I think you’d agree that being honest about that the fact that you don’t want to be a mother and acting on that feeling rather than succumbing to family and societal pressure is a good thing.

    It’s good to read a dissenting opinion though! It’s all part of the exchange.:-)

  123. smokie says:

    Wow. People can just say ANYTHING on the internet now. Don’t like kids and proud of it. SMH That’s like saying you don’t like people. Weren’t we created to love one another? How depressing.

  124. SJA says:

    I really enjoyed reading this post and the comments of other readers. I’ve often thought that I missed out on a lot by not having children, especially when I hear powerful women who’ve made significant contributions to the world state that they feel their most important contribution, and most fulfilling life experience, was being a mother. On the other hand, I too have observed this new generation of whining, ungrateful, and entitled kids being raised in this culture and I shudder to think what will happen to our society in the future as they grow up and take the reigns of power. Also, I have observed many girlfriends who, though married, have had to pretty much raise their kids on their own. For them, it seems that it was marriage that was overrated, as their husbands did not do their part financially, emotionally, or otherwise. Most of them are high-earning professionals who told me prior to getting married that they were certain they would have children whether or not they decided to wed. In retrospect, perhaps their husbands sensed this and decided they didn’t need to make an effort.

  125. Erica says:

    I’m one of those people who only likes her own kid! My daughter will be 16 in a few months. I never wanted kids (this one kinda snuck up on me) & I’ve made sure not to have another one! I always get questions about having more children & people are shocked to hear me say I don’t want another child. They are appalled to hear me say I look forward to when my soon-to-be-sixteen-year-old leaves! Don’t misunderstand me, I absolutely love my daughter, but I know I love her more now that she is capable of taking care of herself. Thankfully, she wasn’t a fussy baby, very easy going & I know I was lucky because I’ve heard many horror stories of inconsolable babies, but I didn’t enjoy her as much as I do now. I think about the greater amount of freedom I will gain when she goes off to college & I am not willing to give that up to raise another child. I have managed to date men who do not have kids & if I marry I expect my intended to not have nor want kids. People say I’m unrealistic, or, since I’m 34, I’ll change my mind. I know for certain kids are absolutely out of the question.

  126. Beth O'Donnell says:

    Kids are a pain in the arse. There, I said it.

  127. Judy says:

    I just realized yesterday that I really do love kids; it’s their parents that I can’t stand. I have friends and relatives that don’t want to do the hard work of parenting. It’s those kids that are difficult to be around. Good parents (and I do know a few) bring playmates for their kid so that they aren’t constantly bugging the adults for interaction. Good parents take their loud, squirmy kids out of restaurants and sit with them in the car. Good parents tote around books, games and toys so that their kids a have something to do during visits or wait times.

    I figured out long ago that I was too selfish to devote my entire life to the job of parenting. And I won’t even being the discussion of co-parenting and the mom-dad-kid duties. I don’t say ‘selfish’ with shame. I knew it and I didn’t screw up by caving to social pressure and reproducing.

    • Tuesday says:

      Kudos, Jane. You hit the nail right on the head. I for one love children. Always have, always will. I like animals, too, but I’d rather be around a child than a dog or cat anyday. No comparison to me.

      You were so right Jane regarding the differentiation between good parents and not so good parents. It’s not the kids’ fault, I believe it’s the parents. They forget to raise them and let their little unhinged offspring run rampant, but still think you are suppose to shower them with admiration and praise just because they (the parents) worship them too. And I also never understood why parents take children places where there will be a long waiting time and never think to bring the kids something that will entertain them. And then these same parents annoy everyone else by yelling and threatening to beat the child because the kid is bored and now running rampant. Also,
      I hate it when the child wants to play with another kid, the parent either act like their child is too cute or too smart to converse with other children, so this increase the child’s boredom and desire to run climb, annoy, etc. Note to parents: Please remember kids (yes, even your children) have short attention spans and get bored easily, so plan accordingly. No one else is responsible for your child’s entertainment.

  128. Barbara says:

    I didn’t like being a kid, I think in part because I didn’t enjoy the world of children and wanted to be around adults. I like them a bit more now that I am old enough that I know I won’t have them.

  129. Rhona says:

    I can totally relate. Kids are so irritating and annoying and loud. When I am at a mall or in a grocery store, I stay clear of them. I felt her pain when she was stuck at the shower. I was at a baptism the other day and honestly, there was 1 kid there and she was so annoying. I had to force smiles when she came up to me. In my mind I was like, get away! I actually think she sensed my dislike as she didn’t come to me often. This happens a lot so I know I throw off a vibe of dislike. Even commercials with kids annoy me. I HATE when kids act cute and baby talk. Stop! Most times, I hate them also. Not all the time but most. I would say 99% of the time. I have a new niece and although cute, when my sister and husband visit and I am often wondering, when are they leaving? I can’t take it. Her cries are the worst! When my older niece and nephew come over to visit, I only tolerate them for certain amounts of time. Usually you will find me in my old bedroom locked there for an hour when kids visit. I find them so overwhelming and I don’t like it. The place I hate kids the most are in grocery stores. People, keep your bad kids in check. I don’t want your kid running into my legs in the line. I don’t want your kid staring at me while I wait to pay for my groceries. And, why is your kids screaming? Do something about it. Argh.
    So, she is not alone. My love for kids is non existent and I like it that way. And, there are lots of groups and sites out there online who are not afraid to proclaim their dislike of children.

    • Lorna says:

      This made me laugh because I’m the same when my niece and nephew come round. I can only take it for a while and then I have to escape feeling overwhelmed. I especially liked the last bit of the post that said: “I far prefer quiet, order and predictability. I enjoy offering my gifts of love, nurturing and compassion to adults, who are often in need of those very gifts.” Amen to that.

  130. LQ says:

    This is just how I feel, though there are tiny numbers of individual kids I’m OK with for short periods of time. I don’t like baby photos, toddler photos, etc., and I’m generally uncomfortable around kids. I’m ALWAYS polite about people’s kids and pride about their kids, but I don’t enjoy spending time around them, and I wish people didn’t expect that I do enjoy it just because I’m female. The thing that bothers me the most is when women try to hand me their baby or toddler on the expectation that I want to hold their child. I don’t — if I do, I will ask. I’m then in the uncomfortable position of looking like a total freak if I say no, and doing something I find totally awkward, unpleasant, a little frightening (what if I drop the baby?), and often sticky if I say yes. (And they never try handing their child to my husband, even if the child is his relation rather than mine!)

    It’s okay for me to not be interested in sports or meat or veggies or the outdoors or reading or cooking or exercise or cleaning or school, but somehow this isn’t okay. I have one friend who asks me Every. Time. We. Get. Together. (“Are you sure?” YES. The fact that I brought your little boy a teddy bear just means we’re friends and I’m a decent person.)

  131. Cheri says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with Nissa, the poster. I have no patience when it comes to being around children. Loud people of any kind make me want to get away as fast as I can and that’s about the only volume level most kids under the age of 8 operate at. And I HATE having to pretend that I think someone being pregnant is so exciting and that babies and kids are cute and their mundane and stupid little accomplishments are “awesome!” or whatever. Newsflash….almost ANYBODY can have a baby. Why do we have to act like it’s such a big freaking deal??!! It’s not!! I think it’s a bigger deal to realize you don’t care to have them and refuse to be pressured by society to have them and/or realize the world is overpopulated and somebody has to be unselfish enough to see that, as well as not be so selfish as to bring an innocent life into a world filled with so much greed, dishonesty, lack of morals, etc., etc. etc. I’ve never had the desire to have kids, but as I get older and watch the news and see how different the world is then when I was growing up, I’m saddened by what I see and thankful I haven’t and won’t be worrying about the future of my child and how difficult it will be.

    I do struggle sometimes with the guilt from the fact that I have no desire at all to see my only sisters two small girls. When I occasionally call my parents to chat, it seems like they are always babysitting my sisters older 2 1/2 yr old daughter and all I hear is her squealing or being really loud in the background, so I inevitably cut the conversation short. I have no desire at all to see the kids, which I feel badly about, but I just can’t help it. Nothing is more annoying than trying to visit with a friend or family member and having to deal with screaming, crying, squealing, or Mom!, Mom!, Mom!, Mom! repeatedly, either in person or in the background while on the phone. I think people who have kids think everyone has them or just automatically believes everyone should understand “kids being kids”, but the truth is, not everyone does think screaming, running, obnoxious little kids are cute or funny or no big deal. When I was a kid, my parents always gave my sister and I “the talk” before we went into places and Dad also said kids were to be seen and not heard. Needless to say, we were very well behaved kids. I’m appalled at kids nowadays and how parents let them act in public and especially at restaurants. Why can’t people just get babysitters instead of dragging a 2 year old to a steakhouse??!!

    Sadly, because I do not have children, nor enjoy being around them or talking about them, I basically have no friends now that every single one of my friends has kids. That would be fine, but they either drag their kids to our outings, can’t go out because of their kids, want to visit at their house amidst their kids’ constant interruptions or won’t talk about anything else besides their kids on the rare times you can get them alone without their kids. It’s just more trouble and headache than it’s worth, it seems, so I just stay home in the peace and quiet with my well behaved dog kids. 🙂

  132. cynthia verrone says:

    well, as a mother of 2 college age children I can honestly admit to this:
    – having children is overrated – definitely not for everyone; in fact not for most people
    – I’m not particularly fond of them either, especially OPKs (other people’s kids)

    Kids shouldn’t be treated differently than Household pets – I love my dog (and kids) but I don’t assume that everyone wants my dog in their home, want’s their licks, bad breath and other annoyances.

  133. khan says:

    I didn’t like kids when I was one (kindergarten on up); now over 60, never had any.

  134. Sandy says:

    OMG – she is playing my song! I love animals – anything furry or feathery and I’m THERE. That has made people ask me why I don’t have kids since I am maternal with animals. I was not born with a maternal towards kids bone/desire/etc. I don’t dislike them – I just don’t care for them. I am better as they get older (ask my stepdaughter) though. However, that isn’t enough to want to be a parent – so I never was. Thank goddess for the pill! I could control it. But, when I am around people with children and the kids come up (which they inevitably do), I want to leave the room. I find childbirth stories horrifying and/or boring. Thank you for helping me come out of the closet, too and admit it – I don’t like kids and I’m very glad I don’t have any.

    • Janine says:

      I am exactly the same. I never tire of cat pictures on Facebook. I will run across the road to pat one, and I do feel maternal pangs towards cats. Kids, however, is a different story. I believe the litmus test of whether you have those pangs for human babies is when a new mum brings her baby into the office. Watch all the women go ga-ga and squeal with delight – like bees to honey – EXCEPT YOU, right? I am 46 and have zero regrets about not having kids. I think they can be cute, but that’s not sufficient reason to have them.

      • Candi Beamish says:

        She is totally singing my song! I always felt this way, even as a kid I didn’t enjoy hanging out with other kids much, preferring adults and couldn’t wait to grow up. I love this page and all the comments are great 🙂

  135. Big Daddy says:

    I’m the opposite. I love kids but I’m glad I don’t have any. They are funny and interesting and smart. Except when they aren’t which are the times at which I’m glad I don’t have one. It would be just my luck to get the one who’s a complete jerk. And like the poster said, you can’t send that one back in exchange for a pleasant one. The thing that I don’t like about children is their parents’ at-times unwillingness to believe that my life wouldn’t be immeasurably improved by proximity to their offspring. I often can’t decide if the parents are validating their decision to have kids with me as a filter or if they just want a break. Either way, I don’t want to babysit. Incidentally, I’ve discussed this at length with my mother, who obviously does have children. She feels the same way I do.

    • Lorna says:

      I agree with you about the prospect of becoming a parent. For me, one of the many reasons against it is the thought of having an obnoxious child. Once you’ve got it, as you say, you’re stuck with it. I would have thought that because I’ve chosen not to have children, that should send out the message that I have no desire to babysit anyone else’s, but it doesn’t seem to work like that. Quite a lot of parents assume that what it actually means is I must be desperate to fill that gaping void in my life by spending time with their kids. Wrong!

  136. Dana says:

    OMG! This piece articulates every thought and feeling that I have not been able to…I never wanted the responsibility and messiness of kids…knew it from the beginning. Like the author, I don’t go out of my way to terrorize kids but the parents who try and foist their little “angels” upon those of us who find them downright unpleasant are out of touch. I have a single nephew who was born into a family of four siblings and two sets of grandparents. I remember feeling guilty when the realization came over me that “no” I really didn’t want to argue with my other siblings over who got to “keep” him that weekend. As he has gotten older it is even less pleasant…he’s quite overindulged and selfish, it’s always an expensive weekend and I am left on Sunday evening with a stressed out dog, a sink full of dishes, a torn up house, down the price of a nice evening out and exhausted. Why did I feel like I should be rapt with the honor of his presence. It’s not his fault he’s spoiled and self centered but I shudder to think of his teen years…whoa! Most mornings I thank God I am single and childless…by choice! Thanks for the opportunity to read your blog, Eleanore! You rock!

  137. Stephanie M says:

    I don’t like kids.

    I don’t dislike them, or wish them any harm – but I don’t want any of my own, and I don’t like to be around anybody else’s.

    They are loud. They are messy. They are self-centered. They are constantly underfoot. They are nuisances. They aren’t “innocent” – they are new human beings who haven’t learned better yet.

    It isn’t their fault, and as they get older they (most of them, anyway) will learn how to behave and become less unpleasant to be around.

    For the longest time, I felt guilty about admitting those feelings to myself – let alone others. But as I’ve gotten older and a bit more self-assured, I’m comfortable with admitting it. Anybody who knows me understands my position – I don’t like kids, but I’m certainly not a monster who goes around knocking over baby strollers and kicking little kids’ toys into the gutters – I just don’t like being around them. They are not my cup of tea.

    To sum it up, I basically just want to co-sign everything in the post. Very well said!

    • CLV says:

      Agreed – on everything expressed above! I will also add that I couldn’t even imagine myself attending a baby shower. Would be way too uncomfortable. That would be a send my regrets and mail a gift type of occasion!!

  138. Ellipsis says:

    I think she has a very good point. Certain children can be likable if you’re around them for a limited amount of time and of course everyone was a child once. Children have varying temperaments but in general they are kind of loud (especially the younger ones) and aren’t experienced at controlling their emotions and behavior.

    I definitely agree that children should be kept to age-appropriate venues. Children shouldn’t be brought to fine restaurants except during designated times, etc. Parents should teach their children how to behave in public in parks and child-appropriate venues. Then, they can take them to certain things that they are interested in. Anyway, good article.

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